Near Death Experience or just a Dream?!

I was really sick soon after I shifted from mumbai to kolkata for almost 2 months, with terrible stomach infection, body ache, and IBS, lost 7 kgs within those 2 months.

I don’t know if I had a near death experience when before going to sleep after sufferring terrible pain and shivering cold in hot n humid kolkata weather all day, and only after having medicines the pain subsided and I could sleep. It was on that very night I had experienced this and remember it very vividly.

I experienced my husband, my child and myself in a really huge water park, with no other human there. The water park could be the size of 2 or 3 football fields, it was pitch dark with only 1 light in the middle of a yellow steel rectangular shaped space built right in the middle of that water park, there were no other water rides, or activity. Only water and in the middle a rectangular yellow steel framed space to climb up or rest.

I had a thought that we 3 had come together but I was continuously searching for them moving around that rectangular steel frame. I kept moving in search of my child and husband and I could clearly see there was no one in that water park except me in completely dark n ill lighted space.

My heart was throbbing fast, I could sense it, and suddenly I clung to the yellow pole of that rectangular steel frame and this was the time I began rising upwards like a air ballon, I did not struggle much and left the pole and floated in straight up direction where I saw the water park clearly shrinking in size as I moved up and up slowly.

It was dark all around in air , no clouds and I think I was just 500 mtrs or little more above the surface of that water park. It was darkness all around that was frightening and fear took over as I struggled to fall down back into the water, but the more I struggled to move down, the little I floated up and more up, then I stopped all movements and realized I was mid air, stuck mid air.

It was darkness all around , no clouds, no stars, nothing. Just water park with little dot of light and dark space all around me. I did not look up, I looked around only that I remember.

It was then when I had stopped to struggle I was no longer in fear or uncertainity. I knew there was nothing coming to me or nothing happening to me from here, I was just hanging, floating mid aIr with eyes to see everywhere and it was only darkness.

There was nothing coming to harm me or nothing pulling me down or taking me up. It was the most saddest or painful situation to be where there was nothing.

Only nothing was with me with eyes open to darkness all around.

I don’t know if this is a near death experience or not but the space I was in, there was nothing to do or go away from. Into darkness a place where you could take nothing or get nothing.

Only mystery, not even peace or fear after all that.

One could be stuck there forever for eternity.

Original Experience ©️

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The Unborn

 

Sometimes i think am still unborn

as am not born the way i should have born

 

 

am still not so beautiful by the way

 

am still not so bold, this they say

 

 

am still unborn, my heart cries

 

for no eyes fend for me twice

 

 

every day i feel so taken away

 

when i feel nothing about work or play

 

 

am still unborn, my soul tries

 

for no ears listen me to apprise

  

 

no pun no fun no glam or gold

 

i have none for the talks, they hold

 

 

am still unborn, my conscious say

 

for no touch touches me to gay

 

 

no fancy, funny, formula i know

 

to keep my presence alive from low

 

 

am still unborn, with heart and soul

 

still i will perfect this unformed whole

 

Beyond Love and Everything

With the grace and blessings of Lord Shiva, am happy to share some great news with everyone,that is par happiness and beyond my expectations . With so much strains and struggles finally my love is freed of his struggles and miseries. now we can happily be with each other after years of separation, wait, and tears that mingled with hope and prayers that one day it will change and end for there has to be good. 

A beautiful light after all these years of darkness and gloom we finally embrace each other and our lives to live together. though we are still left with little hurdles like he needs to get a job but that isn’t coming our way to get together now.

And am sure Shiv baba will take care of everything .

In all these times i never gave up on Shiv ji, i accepted the bad phase along the good and thanked him still for keeping me and him alive in all these traumatic situations that went through us and meant nothing but to break us and break our spirits .

I still prayed, fasted, hoped and believed in Shiv baba and my prayers did reach him with all my heart, and it happened that he answered them in such a beautiful way i could never ever imagine.

Am more than happy today and hopeful to see the coming days for there is balance that has to happen in life of everyone. 

Along this i wish that everyone out there with their struggles and pain should not give up on hope there will be good there will be balance , you just need to wait and keep your faith alive .

Continue with your prayers and rituals never give up on them in bad times, for there is God and he is listening its just that there’s a long queue before you and for sure your turn will come. Just hang on. 

Go Beyond Known

 

It happens so many times that we feel the need to go beyond, our friends or family to communicate or discuss about our personal views in the most unbiased manner as possible or just looking out for someone who knows us least and is less predictable when it comes to dealing with our emotions . unfortunately we fear and hold back.

Because its hard to break the routine, that we cling to our close and intimates as we have have deep connections with them and an infallible feeling of trust and dependence that we’ve been brought to think about since childhood and so does the experiences that corroborate with these thoughts that we often shun the idea to go explore the opportunities we could have in relationships that are beyond blood ties or the known.

Its almost unthinkable to think of relations beyond spouse, friends, or partners, that have legitimacy and acceptance from the society as its formed and been that ways ever since. so we fear disregard and disapproval from society and moreover the world today that going bizarre and evil in view if crimes etc.

The above is a cliche and will remain that ways forever, but we all feel the need to look beyond many a times, beyond the one who knows us with whom we could be our self and do not feel the need to pretend or portray a characteristic or personality that they can approve and accept of us. For its very rare that a person could accept you for what you are and not who you are.

The thoughts that randomly cross your heart and head, push to find some fragments of moments where they could be heard, unbiased, uninterrupted, unquestioned and never judged . It would be a great feeling and one can attribute this to the heavenly or the divine feeling.

This idea or imagination is no less than a reverie for me because it breaks the norm, i can lift this to the level that i often think, if i were to have more mother like figures with whom i could talk and link , its not about substituting or relating even its more like having someone outside an unknown person but still you can relate to them and attach to them in whatever way you feel like , giving them any name or any relation.

The perspective of relating to an unknown is also a conditioned aspect of life , because i have been conditioned to give relations in form of the ties or bonds i have with the known or unknown should be well defined because it helps me to draw the lengths or lines of attachment i can have with them.

Again its a barrier in going beyond the known, i want to break this conditioning too but it needs immense higher order thinking and knowing the truth, the enlightened being can do this , but if i were enlightened enough then would i need to go beyond in search for the other Person other than myself.

The higher order thoughts shall take time but what about the needs of the moment that is the need to talk, the way that am least choosy about what i have to say because its not what i have to say rather i say because the other listens and i speak for him/her, and not for me, so in a way we all speak for the others, our thoughts are for the others, do we have our OWN thoughts,  perhaps not because they go into the diary or blogs , they don’t come out in conversations.

So imagine if we could speak our heart and own our thoughts and be as much as our self then there’s nothing like it.

Its pretty hard to have our way among the known but we can take the leap and go beyond the unknown but then we have to be conscious and aware so that we are not manipulated or misused, and we can search till we find the unknown or if we still fear then lets find the unknown that lives within us in our body and forms our soul.