Keep away from this shit
Refrain from making trips
To places unknown
Filled with voices ungrown
Keep away keep away
You know you’re their prey
Turning you insane
Leaving you in disdain
You’re not to be this way
Just leave the place you stay
Stop, See and Unfollow
Make space, let it be hollow
Traditional Indian Wedding Image
What is the first thing that comes to your mind on hearing this word Marriage ?
Probably joy, elation, feelings of attachment to someone who would be there every time and everyday with you and is meant just for you, with the one you’ll rise every morning and go to bed every night, with whom you can share everything about your world and that is in your world which become our world .
Again the above thoughts are restricted for the first timers, i hope i make myself clear when i say this because it aches me to write an explanation for what i actually mean by first timers , or the fresh ones. Actually I don’t want to get acknowledged each day or to remind even you that its another one or am the second timer and i have no such thoughts as i expressed above.
The definition or the contributing thoughts that surround this word marriage for me now have changed immensely and its nothing like sharing – caring or great honeymoons or candle light dinners anymore .
I feel that the actual realization that has happened to me now should happen to everyone, the first or the second timers that is marriage is not only about the display of what ‘I’ feel so that the other spouse whose ‘I” is less than mine should fulfill all the desires i have leaving himself or herself behind where gradually with time ‘I’ grows and monotony sets in for the other and conflicts happen where the other feels left out as his/her desires remain unfulfilled and even unexplored. therefore there should be continuous effort to explore the ‘we’ desires more and give space to fulfill the ‘I’ desires alone all by yourself unburdening the other for their fulfillment.
I think marriage is more about giving solutions rather than understanding the problems of the relationship, we often develop our reactions on pre assumptions, stereotypical thoughts about the other as we always think that “I KNOW him or her so its nothing different today”, emotional assessment of the situation how it affected me , ego outbursts, etc. when there’s some issue or conflict we are tangled in the problem so much that we only understand the problem and forget about the solution or the other things to weigh and value ‘my’ emotional hurt and my suffering much more than the problem, leaving no space for the solution . So its actually creating more problem , one must remain conscious to find solutions of the problem rather accumulating more of it.
I feel that when you are in a relationship or married it is important to always be aware of emotions that lead to major disasters, because it always happens that “I’ was hurt, my feelings were hurt, i wasn’t cared for, i was left alone, i was cheated, i was ignored all these feelings are natural and may or may not be caused by the other, so its always important to inquire that is it actually caused by the other,or if its exaggerated, or how intense are these feelings, do you encourage them more. one must ascertain all these factors before breaking out from home or breaking the relationship.
marriage is about two people coming together to share their lives so its always important for the two of them to keep others at bay even their own family, friends and relatives when things concerned with their relationship are at stake, for that reason no decisions should be left to either of family members as it should done by the mutual agreement of the two and the couple must see that they are not intensely guided or lead by their families so much that it leads to conflicts and disagreement among them, after all its them who are in the middle of everything and its their life and nothing should affect or come in between their relationship to destroy their harmony.So a married couple should know who should they follow and lead by and remain conscious in their decisions and life roles.
The intention and thinking matters as much as the responsibilities and freedom in the marriage, where everyone has some prerequisite information that there are certain things which need to be followed in a marriage, some responsibilities and that there has to be equal space and freedom too even when all things are ‘meant’ to be shared, these are well common notions that everyone knows, but what I stress more upon, is the ‘Intention’ that goes into marriage when issues arise, in case of “what ifs” like the other doesn’t fulfill the responsibilities or the other requires more space and time alone , gives priority to his/her career or goals more than ‘me’ or ‘my home’ or ‘my family’, in such cases disputes happen, so its important to eliminate these disputes by disclosing your intentions to continue with the marriage and relation no matter what happens , to reassure the other about your thinking and that these issues are very temporary and the factors harming the other are merely pretending to do so because the actual mindset with which you are into this marriage is only the truth that the other must know rest is fake and sublime.
A couple in the marriage or relationship must stand with each other in every problem or distress and must support each other with everything, for marriage is not only joy-some togetherness rather its assimilation and accommodation of both the worlds that come in form of two human beings to come together to be identified as one whole .
It happens so many times that we feel the need to go beyond, our friends or family to communicate or discuss about our personal views in the most unbiased manner as possible or just looking out for someone who knows us least and is less predictable when it comes to dealing with our emotions . unfortunately we fear and hold back.
Because its hard to break the routine, that we cling to our close and intimates as we have have deep connections with them and an infallible feeling of trust and dependence that we’ve been brought to think about since childhood and so does the experiences that corroborate with these thoughts that we often shun the idea to go explore the opportunities we could have in relationships that are beyond blood ties or the known.
Its almost unthinkable to think of relations beyond spouse, friends, or partners, that have legitimacy and acceptance from the society as its formed and been that ways ever since. so we fear disregard and disapproval from society and moreover the world today that going bizarre and evil in view if crimes etc.
The above is a cliche and will remain that ways forever, but we all feel the need to look beyond many a times, beyond the one who knows us with whom we could be our self and do not feel the need to pretend or portray a characteristic or personality that they can approve and accept of us. For its very rare that a person could accept you for what you are and not who you are.
The thoughts that randomly cross your heart and head, push to find some fragments of moments where they could be heard, unbiased, uninterrupted, unquestioned and never judged . It would be a great feeling and one can attribute this to the heavenly or the divine feeling.
This idea or imagination is no less than a reverie for me because it breaks the norm, i can lift this to the level that i often think, if i were to have more mother like figures with whom i could talk and link , its not about substituting or relating even its more like having someone outside an unknown person but still you can relate to them and attach to them in whatever way you feel like , giving them any name or any relation.
The perspective of relating to an unknown is also a conditioned aspect of life , because i have been conditioned to give relations in form of the ties or bonds i have with the known or unknown should be well defined because it helps me to draw the lengths or lines of attachment i can have with them.
Again its a barrier in going beyond the known, i want to break this conditioning too but it needs immense higher order thinking and knowing the truth, the enlightened being can do this , but if i were enlightened enough then would i need to go beyond in search for the other Person other than myself.
The higher order thoughts shall take time but what about the needs of the moment that is the need to talk, the way that am least choosy about what i have to say because its not what i have to say rather i say because the other listens and i speak for him/her, and not for me, so in a way we all speak for the others, our thoughts are for the others, do we have our OWN thoughts, perhaps not because they go into the diary or blogs , they don’t come out in conversations.
So imagine if we could speak our heart and own our thoughts and be as much as our self then there’s nothing like it.
Its pretty hard to have our way among the known but we can take the leap and go beyond the unknown but then we have to be conscious and aware so that we are not manipulated or misused, and we can search till we find the unknown or if we still fear then lets find the unknown that lives within us in our body and forms our soul.
Life is great for some people who are born with disarming looks along a life of riches which makes things easier for them to achieve. And for those born into average looks and lead an average life things dont come easy to them , if it does its attributed to either destiny or luck, but if they dont appear even after hard work and struggles it all comes down to even below average where another sorts of problems collect around them.
I suppose that there are a plenty of people on this planet who lead a very plain life and often at some point of time would have desired if things could be reversed like the way they were born, or if they had paid attention to their looks earlier or if their parents were keen enough to care for them even more like the parents of the other kids do for them. we all must have felt this way certainly because we are born unhappy since the day we are born we begin life by crying and end it up crying for things we could never have or be born with.
The major portions of life for women alt east runs around their looks , how attractive they are or how others think about them, the way they should dress but cannot, the makeup they can put on but cannot afford to have, and even to wear and be like those divas on the ramp but they cannot because they have got other better things to do that are safe and acceptable rather than walking the ramp.
These thoughts that beauty gets all are not mine they are coming from generations that a person gets everything in life if they are attractive and have an eye catching personality .And since generations these thoughts have hardened so much that they cannot be broken down maybe stereotypical of me to think but i cannot refrain ignoring it when i have vicarious experiences to share that yes beauty outnumbers brain.
Talking of my school days, i recollect how the most beautiful girls of my class quoted ” After school i will marry the man of my dreams and live life like a queen ” at that time too i never had this mindset, i was steady that yes i have to study do my college and do a job and i shall be married off to a humble man and have to do the chores and work along to make ends meet, and no other thoughts seduced me or contradicted to those i had ever since school.
But now as iv seen so much in life i wonder that is it necessary to carry out similar thoughts its no where written that god and society favors the beauty history is full of characters and heroes who aren’t beautiful yet remembered for their works and not for their looks. And In times today with all bot ox and jabs beauty is just a few lacks away deal to get. But am not inclined to do so nor i think many of the people who an afford or who cannot are bold enough to live life as they are born not what they should have with.
Which is why we have so much of beauty promoting ads, lighter skin tone, tanned skin, fairer skin, wrinkled, age less, spotless, needless to say that its eating out the natural way we used to live and for the ones who wish to live the natural way it makes life hard for them, a simple challenge here, can one go without even using a moisturizer to work or lip gloss or kohl, no i guess not, and what about not getting your eyebrows or upper lips done, i guess you cannot live like this or i should say look like this. But if i had the chance,i would never take so much of pain to groom myself for the way society wants me to be , when i can live with those.
But again we are all part of the society and not following its norms as a girl would mean so much of chaos for myself and those concerned with me. Kind of names they would give you, or even term you as psychologically imbalanced person, wow so much for simplicity , but then who dares because i want to live in this society only i dont want to deviate or break free, the only thing i want and desire and many like me that they can at least have freedom, when dealing with their outer appearance and their own body for that matter.
It will take a long time for people to accept a de glam life because a life full of glam and shimmer is what attracts to a lot and we often envy those people in hold of it, well its quite natural to have those feelings if you are born human and not a fish, and we slowly separate ourselves with such people be it in sh cool , college or work as if those people are beyond our reach , but then only if you talk to them , you may find some turn out to be just like their looks and some completely opposite are shallow.
But then we cannot judge everyone based on their looks and its even not fair to say that all average looking people are kind enough , everyone has an innate individuality and personality that reflects be it behind the makeup or after a face wash. Its needed that we get in touch with the real glam heart of people and its also needed that the society weighs conscious over glee and glam.
A de glamorous life is not that easy to live, but its full of good things to look into and get inspired with.
This is the best song i remember every time i feel that i should run away from life and become an ascetic , thinking that it would end all my problems and fears .
And Every time i watch this and understand the meaning of the lyrics i regain hold of life and thank god to give me this wonderful blessing that i can enjoy making my own choices .
Sansar Se Bhage Phirte Ho Lyrics and Translation
sa.nsaar se bhaage phirte ho, bhagvaan ko tum kyaa paaoge?
As you flee from society, how will you find God?
is lok ko apnaa na sake, us lok me.n bhii pachataaoge.
You didn’t consider this world as your own, and you will repent it in that world.
ye paap hai.n kyaa, ye punya hai.n kyaa? riito.n par dharm kii mohare hai.n
What is sin and what is virtue? Religion uses such traditions as mere facades.
har yug me.n badalte dharmo.n ko kaise aadarsh banaaoge?
How will you idealize the changing religions of every age?
yeh bhog bhii ek tapsaya hai, tum tyaag ke maare kyaa jaano?
This suffering is also a form of penance; what would you know, you renunciation-stricken fool?
apaman rachetaa kaa hogaa, rachnaa ko agar Thukraaoge.
It will be an insult to the Creator himself, if you reject the act of creation.
ham kahte hai.n yah jag apnaa hai, tum kahte ho jhuuTha sapna hai.
I claim that this world is mine; however, you consider it a false dream.
ham janam bitaa kar jaaye.nge, tum janam gavaa kar jaaoge.
I will live life to the fullest, but you will waste yours in vain.
sa.nsaar se bhaage phirte ho, bhagvaan ko tum kyaa paaoge?
As you flee from society, how will you find God?
Society wants me to be like them. Most of the time they cannot believe in anything unconditional
तुम जी सकोगे कैसे, किसी को दुःख देकर ,
की तुम जी सकोगे कैसे, किसी को दुःख देकर
और मन में यह राज़ कैसे जीयोगे साथ लेकर
की ज़िन्दगी युही नहीं, बीत जाती है बिताने भर से,
अफ़साने छुप नहीं जाते, ज़माने से नज़रे चुरालेने में
अब तो गैरो की बाँहों में भी ले लेते होगे तुम पनहा
जला लेते होगे शाम ऐ महफ़िल में, अपनी कोई नयी शमा
अफ़सोस कुछ भी नहीं तेरे जीने के ढंग से मुझे
पर जलन है की, दर्द लेके भी, क्यूँ याद है तू मुझे
ज़िन्दगी में बस और कुछ नहीं चाहत तुझको लेकर
बस परवाह है उस शमा की जो होगी तेरी सेज पर
फिकर है उस ओज की जो बुझती होगी हर लम्हा
दुःख देकर जीए तू, क्यूँ होता नहीं खुद फ़ना
Krishna had 16,108 wives.
I hope that am not caught or tried because of the topic am going to write about now. As it may sound extreme deviation from the norms that our society has been following since ages. Though i love to talk all sweet and nice as its easily approved and acceptable to everyone.
It is all because we actually see a reflection in others and that is like a mirror in which we see ourselves, the things we want to deliberately see comforting our own scheme of thoughts and perception we have about us and others and what we are , reflects in the others we see because we want to see that . Its about the thoughts, our understanding the way we think about others tantamount to what we are precisely, what kind of human being we are in real.
Because we are made up of our own beliefs moral, traditions, norms, values, hopes and desires we want to see in the world that comforts all these , and the things that are beyond our understanding and do not fall anywhere in line with the above is bound to be rejected or abhorred.
Why is it so difficult to understand and accept certain things beyond our understanding is difficult to know exactly , it may be due to conditioning that we are not keen to learn anymore anything that is new and breaks our routine thoughts. we do not wish to go beyond we feel comfortably in our zone , approved and accepted the way society wants exactly.
But we fail as this society stops us from attaining the new, exploring other avenues, innovating something new , going for the truth . It wants us to cling to it and we wish to do the same out of security and belonging.
And those who break free of the said norms , are despised and never thought or taught about, for generations unless there are some really great minds who work hard to understand them and discover their intelligence and extra-ordinariness. They are not captive to the society nor their stereotypical notions.
Now having said all that, i wish to ponder over, this feeling called Love which is beautiful and a great thing to do in life.
What is love actually, it is a feeling where a man and woman fall for each other and keep on insisting and practicing this confinement to each other where, confinement equals commitment that too forever, which keeps it functioning, well this is love today actually and no doubt it will run for many eons, and i hold nothing against this.I believe that love can happen all the more , many times and again its not even sex as we may criticize a man or woman for loving more that one person , and label him/her with different names.
Love is the most difficult task indeed and holding it to one is even more difficult because it changes from love to possessiveness and goes beyond that where we keep looking to confine that one person who should be meant for us all our lives, that becomes a negative side of love which we have since long time because it restricts, upholds and creates dangerous feelings within us where we time and again wish to break free, and look for other , because we have a choice to do so having options available, that makes the situation all the more bad.
Love cannot be confined rather it can be spread and left free to blossom to as many as possible. It is no more difficult thing to do, love is best understood if it holds no feelings like possession and monopoly over a single person. It has enough potential to accommodate as many as one can love without any difficulty like a mother never differentiate s or bias her love for her children, similarly a man or a woman can go beyond traditional existing love and can hold pure love feelings for others as well.
We have many examples in our history where polygamy and polyandry was practiced and love was encouraged and was considered pious as in today and such men and women were even prayed and were of high virtue and morals.For instance Draupadi who loved all her 5 husbands the pandav’s equally and she holds the dignity and respect since ages, but we find some elements of prostitution too when we recollect about her, being wife to 5 men and how she was able to equally love all of them and never made her love fall short or more for any of them. Even Krishna had so many wives and he was equally present for all of them and they could feel his love without bias .
Draupadi with Pandavas and their mother
Similarly in some societies / religions that have different situation than ours, polygamy or polyandry became necessary and moral due to war and conflicts where there are less men and more woman and even where male and female sex ratio are different woman are few and there are more men and for those men and women who are divorced, separated, widows or left out, in such circumstances it becomes necessary and if had not been like that, then many would have been forced to live a loveless life who then may resort to prostitution or victimizing others for their needs, which again stands highly immoral as per society.
But i think,even the prostitutes hold a good place in my thoughts, as those men and woman save , defend and protect us from the evils that could happen to kids, women, men , old and young. They hold more dignity and respect, in my view, they are like the soldiers who fight everyday to protect us.
Even today it exists where i saw a discovery channel documentary showing a woman living with two men under the same roof and all the three of them enjoyed a life full of love and respect , the men equally loved the woman and the woman loved them both. i was amazed to see the comfort level, the love they had for each other, and was laughing when my mom said “this is heights of immorality, and it happens in times today only not earlier “.
Anyhow i was glad to see that and thought that how heavenly it could be to get love from as many people as you can in this one life, its not sex again , but a pure love that can or cannot include sex, but it just makes you feel good and the same feeling for others who are in love completely Its not supposed to be selfish rather a selfless and unconditional tribute to life of divinity and richness.
Single Entity GAURISHANKAR.
Since Childhood I’ve heard these words but could never unravel the facts or forces that goes around them. I’ve been quite naive in understanding the true meaning or the essentials about, what embodies the concept of feminism or masculinity or gender as a whole in true sense.
Though i frequently used to use such words in my essays and writings ,depicting and relating to empowerment of the womenfolk at one hand and how brave and courageous are men in history.
But I was never able to gauge the real essence of these words, even after having almost vicarious experiences when the very significance of my being a women was in question and how i was being afflicted by the masculine beings, in all this i never realized how should i explore or should i explore the feminist in me ?, to get myself upright against the men.
The search began in the troubled waters, and still remained unidentified for some time,in the mean time i was actually away from all the problems and deplorable conditions, and that too without any feminism that came to rescue me.
I actually didn’t needed any gender role to help me nor any special femininity, i discovered that being a gender is being average but being a human is being the best to solve life and its issues in an objective and Superior way.
Being in control of one’s gender or sex controls the problem solving skills and limits our conscience for taking decisions in an unbiased manner is what i discovered eventually.
Its been only when i was able to think conscientiously about the other gender in specific and its nothing i keep against my own but its a way to differentiate between what is wrong and what is right, not who is wrong or who is right . it is completely off the base for any gender .
I’ve come across many textbooks during school time that our societal setup is governed by patriarchal or matriarchal structure in different, different communities or castes, influenced and maligned by favoritism and subjectivity, with regard to issues and concerns, dealing with gender roles and responsibilities. In the same way the Family, Relationships be it boyfriend and girlfriend, men and women, among friends, sisters and brothers, others, have this prominence of Domination by any of the gender controlling and occupying the major portions of decisions and role- responsibilities.
Here such setups and gender variance have influenced the peace and harmony of many relationships and almost created a divide among the two, due to inadvertent behavior .
The focus which i imply for this is to think yourself as “NON GENDER”, i know this may sound weird and obnoxious but here may be, the key to bridge every difference and resolve issues when it comes to relationships and love.
But we can try to achieve and attain good positive outcomes if we connect with the human side of our being and not the gender.what happens here i shall explain..
” when you have a fight say with your spouse , you may think about the verbal or non verbal behavior that affected you , and how one could demean your status , you being a man or women , got hit on your ego, your thoughts, your decisions, your ideas, your actions, here everything relates to your gender “first”- you may cry being a women, or man, or even burst out in anger being a man, or a women, the two cordially relates to the first gender being talked about , the second one if displayed such behavior would in normal settings be disapproved of ” .
So the thin line here is to Accept the behavior without the gender in concern, moreover its for both to consider the actions and deeds of others and self in a non gender specific way , and find more reasonable and logical occurrences for issues.
I cannot refrain myself from relating an Ideal relationship of Lord Shiva and Devi Parvati who are above any gender and complete forms of each other..
Shiva is called the Ardhnarishwar, that is half man
and Devi parvati as Ardhangini .half women.
They are Incomplete without each other, their form is complete only when the two meet and join to form into one supreme part as Gauri Shankar.
Every relationship should aim for such togetherness idealizing Shiv and Parvati who are above any gender norms and form
to sum up i can recall another very great statement that has affected me for long… that “the whole is more than the sum of its parts”. as stated by gestalts applies aptly here.
Honesty ! Hmmm, does this word scare you away or makes you feel proud ?
Evidently there is a mixed of both when you reflect in the past or present and a series of situations come into the mind where you have spoken the truth or lied to anyone or everyone, and the feelings that followed inside you of being proud , guilty , saved the day or self.
In view of the above one thing everyone would agree for is that, You will always feel comfortable with “Truth ” as it makes you feel stronger, more comfortable , free from feelings of guilt, shame and embarrassment, lets you have a proud good night sleep and teach the value of same to the young ones.
Today we may come across people from all walks of life who share quite similar traits ranging from being clever, lazy, making excuses or lying, diplomatic, unsympathetic, untrustworthy and narcissistic etc. this is a usual sight around you among relatives, friends or colleagues at workplace. The point is not what others have in them as part of their personality that makes them stand where they are today but to observe and undo what has become common now from our lives so that we can Stand Out.
To Stand Out among the rest be it among your friends or work place, one can cultivate and nourish the Habit of Honesty through regular practice of speaking Truth as “Truth is easy to remember than a lie” and be consistent with it every time and in every situation.
Its No doubt a tough task to practice and walk the path of truth and never give it up even in tough times , is a trait that develops after long years of practice and experiments, and the regularity and permanence of this ritual alone makes one Stand out and be considered as Unique and appear bright among the rest. Moreover its a feeling that makes you feel enlightened, light, proud and happy whenever you introspect and have a one on one with Your Real Self that matches Your Ideal Self .
Even Your friends , Boss , colleagues shall reach for you seeking Your advice, opinion, and contribution in the most important tasks and assignments .
We are all well aware about the growing competitive trends in every field and it doesn’t limit anyone to choose the path they take up to walk the ladder of success and it can be any and any traits or trick they follow to achieve it . It may not matter to some but it matters a lot in the work culture as the people in power positions , top bosses,do actually look for honest employees who can be trusted upon and where they can share companies status , strengths and weaknesses with them as well.
Then be sure about if you have Honesty as your core trait , be proud of it and forward it to your young ones and peers, as its easy to be considered as part of the crowd but it really is worth to be one among the crowd.
ThoughtSummary 