Tag Archives: self

Marriage : An Everlasting Intention

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Traditional Indian Wedding Image

What is the first thing that comes to your mind on hearing this word Marriage ?

Probably joy, elation, feelings of attachment to someone who would be there every time and everyday with you and is meant just for you, with the one you’ll rise every morning and go to bed every night, with whom you can share everything about your world and that is in your world which become our world .

Again the above thoughts are restricted for the first timers, i hope i make myself clear when i say this because it aches me to write an explanation for what i actually mean by first timers , or the fresh ones. Actually I don’t want to get acknowledged each day or to remind even you that its another one or am the second timer and i have no such thoughts as i expressed above.

The definition or the contributing thoughts that surround this word marriage for me now have changed immensely and its nothing like sharing – caring or great honeymoons or candle light dinners anymore .

I feel that the actual realization that has happened to me now should happen to everyone, the first or the second timers that is marriage is not only about the display of what  ‘I’ feel so that the other spouse whose ‘I” is less than mine should fulfill all the desires i have leaving himself or herself behind where gradually with time ‘I’ grows and monotony sets in for the other and conflicts happen where the other feels left out as his/her desires remain unfulfilled and even unexplored. therefore there should be continuous effort to explore the ‘we’ desires more and give space to fulfill the ‘I’ desires alone all by yourself unburdening the other for their fulfillment.

I think marriage is more about giving solutions rather than understanding the problems of the relationship, we often develop our reactions on pre assumptions, stereotypical thoughts about the other as we always think that “I KNOW him or her so its nothing different today”, emotional assessment of the situation how it affected me , ego outbursts, etc. when there’s some issue or conflict we are tangled in the problem so much that we only understand the problem and forget about the solution or the other things to weigh and value ‘my’ emotional hurt and my suffering much more than the problem, leaving no space for the solution . So its actually creating more problem , one must remain conscious to find solutions of the problem rather accumulating more of it.

I feel that when you are in a relationship or married it is important to always be aware of emotions that lead to major disasters, because it always happens that “I’ was hurt, my feelings were hurt, i wasn’t cared for, i was left alone, i was cheated, i was ignored all these feelings are natural and may or may not be caused by the other, so its always important to inquire that is it actually caused by the other,or  if its exaggerated, or how intense are these feelings, do you encourage them more. one must ascertain all these factors before breaking out from home or breaking the relationship.

marriage is about two people coming together to share their lives so its always important for the two of them to keep others at bay even their own family, friends and relatives when things concerned with their relationship are at stake, for that reason no decisions should be left to either of family members as it should done by the mutual agreement of the two and the couple must see that they are not intensely guided or lead by their families so much that it leads to conflicts and disagreement among them, after all its them who are in the middle of everything and its their life and nothing should affect or come in between their relationship to destroy their harmony.So a married couple should know who should they follow and lead by and remain conscious in their decisions and life roles.

The intention and thinking matters as much as the responsibilities and freedom in the marriage, where everyone has some prerequisite information that there are certain things which need to be followed in a marriage, some responsibilities and that there has to be equal space and freedom too even when all things are ‘meant’ to be shared, these are well common notions that everyone knows, but what I stress more upon, is the ‘Intention’ that goes into marriage when issues arise, in case of “what ifs” like the other doesn’t fulfill the responsibilities  or the other requires more space and time alone , gives priority to his/her career or goals more than ‘me’ or ‘my  home’ or ‘my family’, in  such cases disputes happen, so its important to eliminate these disputes by disclosing your intentions to continue with the marriage and relation no matter what happens , to reassure the other about your thinking and that these issues are very temporary and the factors harming the other are merely pretending to do so because the actual mindset with which you are into this marriage is only the truth that the other must know rest is fake and sublime.

A couple in the marriage or relationship must stand with each other in every problem or distress and must support each other with everything, for marriage is not only joy-some togetherness rather its assimilation and accommodation of  both the worlds that come in form of two human beings to come together to be identified as one whole .

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Am not a confused person, its the people who have complicated relations with me.

Am not a confus…

Go Beyond Known

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It happens so many times that we feel the need to go beyond, our friends or family to communicate or discuss about our personal views in the most unbiased manner as possible or just looking out for someone who knows us least and is less predictable when it comes to dealing with our emotions . unfortunately we fear and hold back.

Because its hard to break the routine, that we cling to our close and intimates as we have have deep connections with them and an infallible feeling of trust and dependence that we’ve been brought to think about since childhood and so does the experiences that corroborate with these thoughts that we often shun the idea to go explore the opportunities we could have in relationships that are beyond blood ties or the known.

Its almost unthinkable to think of relations beyond spouse, friends, or partners, that have legitimacy and acceptance from the society as its formed and been that ways ever since. so we fear disregard and disapproval from society and moreover the world today that going bizarre and evil in view if crimes etc.

The above is a cliche and will remain that ways forever, but we all feel the need to look beyond many a times, beyond the one who knows us with whom we could be our self and do not feel the need to pretend or portray a characteristic or personality that they can approve and accept of us. For its very rare that a person could accept you for what you are and not who you are.

The thoughts that randomly cross your heart and head, push to find some fragments of moments where they could be heard, unbiased, uninterrupted, unquestioned and never judged . It would be a great feeling and one can attribute this to the heavenly or the divine feeling.

This idea or imagination is no less than a reverie for me because it breaks the norm, i can lift this to the level that i often think, if i were to have more mother like figures with whom i could talk and link , its not about substituting or relating even its more like having someone outside an unknown person but still you can relate to them and attach to them in whatever way you feel like , giving them any name or any relation.

The perspective of relating to an unknown is also a conditioned aspect of life , because i have been conditioned to give relations in form of the ties or bonds i have with the known or unknown should be well defined because it helps me to draw the lengths or lines of attachment i can have with them.

Again its a barrier in going beyond the known, i want to break this conditioning too but it needs immense higher order thinking and knowing the truth, the enlightened being can do this , but if i were enlightened enough then would i need to go beyond in search for the other Person other than myself.

The higher order thoughts shall take time but what about the needs of the moment that is the need to talk, the way that am least choosy about what i have to say because its not what i have to say rather i say because the other listens and i speak for him/her, and not for me, so in a way we all speak for the others, our thoughts are for the others, do we have our OWN thoughts,  perhaps not because they go into the diary or blogs , they don’t come out in conversations.

So imagine if we could speak our heart and own our thoughts and be as much as our self then there’s nothing like it.

Its pretty hard to have our way among the known but we can take the leap and go beyond the unknown but then we have to be conscious and aware so that we are not manipulated or misused, and we can search till we find the unknown or if we still fear then lets find the unknown that lives within us in our body and forms our soul.

 

Separate those Emotions !

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Emotions are the significant part of our very being or existence, we are thought inhuman less of our emotions.

But are those emotions so important, to let them rule our life ?

Many a times we stop doing things we like to do the most,like listening, viewing, blogging, surfing and much more. why, we dont exactly want to do anything that might make us happy and why is it that we wish to be with the same state of emotions that makes us unhappy, moody, irritable, and depressed for a long time. 

we may do so because nothing around is much attractive or fun its all the same, monotony the routine, nothing unique about it that may influence us or distracts our emotional state. In such state of mind and moods we do not love to meet, talk or be with anyone nor do we wish that anyone should come to alleviate the pain but our inner desire is that someone comes around who can listen and empathize with us.

 Unfortunately people are great advisers than listeners today, and since we have learned the bitter truth since our own evolution we no longer crave for attention from others anymore. which is why we love to keep on dwelling with our pain . which is indeed a good thing where we introspect our own self with its, emotions, thoughts, mistakes, griefs, guilt, pain, stress, hate, love, etc.

The focus is to keep dwelling in pain, is the feeling where one does it quite patiently to realize that, let the pain happen, give it space to feel free and let it open, and then separate it from your own being to understand the reasons of it alone, its finding your pain, through your thoughts and not through your own being. If am in some stress today i must find the cause and see it as temporary , it can never be a part of me for the whole life . the whole is my being my entity which i separate form the pain i have today . 

This separation of emotions is the only thing that can let you live years of life in contentment and peace. You can practice separating them by being conscious of your self in thoughts, decisions, behavior in form of actions and also the surroundings where people and things may affect you. Every time you are taken over by your emotions just be alert and conscious about the thoughts that run into your mind and what it triggers you to do next. 

As soon we are aware and alert we can exercise control over our emotions. This control over the emotions can make our life better and full of peace .