Marriage : An Everlasting Intention

Traditional Indian Wedding Image

What is the first thing that comes to your mind on hearing this word Marriage ?

Probably joy, elation, feelings of attachment to someone who would be there every time and everyday with you and is meant just for you, with the one you’ll rise every morning and go to bed every night, with whom you can share everything about your world and that is in your world which become our world .

Again the above thoughts are restricted for the first timers, i hope i make myself clear when i say this because it aches me to write an explanation for what i actually mean by first timers , or the fresh ones. Actually I don’t want to get acknowledged each day or to remind even you that its another one or am the second timer and i have no such thoughts as i expressed above.

The definition or the contributing thoughts that surround this word marriage for me now have changed immensely and its nothing like sharing – caring or great honeymoons or candle light dinners anymore .

I feel that the actual realization that has happened to me now should happen to everyone, the first or the second timers that is marriage is not only about the display of what  ‘I’ feel so that the other spouse whose ‘I” is less than mine should fulfill all the desires i have leaving himself or herself behind where gradually with time ‘I’ grows and monotony sets in for the other and conflicts happen where the other feels left out as his/her desires remain unfulfilled and even unexplored. therefore there should be continuous effort to explore the ‘we’ desires more and give space to fulfill the ‘I’ desires alone all by yourself unburdening the other for their fulfillment.

I think marriage is more about giving solutions rather than understanding the problems of the relationship, we often develop our reactions on pre assumptions, stereotypical thoughts about the other as we always think that “I KNOW him or her so its nothing different today”, emotional assessment of the situation how it affected me , ego outbursts, etc. when there’s some issue or conflict we are tangled in the problem so much that we only understand the problem and forget about the solution or the other things to weigh and value ‘my’ emotional hurt and my suffering much more than the problem, leaving no space for the solution . So its actually creating more problem , one must remain conscious to find solutions of the problem rather accumulating more of it.

I feel that when you are in a relationship or married it is important to always be aware of emotions that lead to major disasters, because it always happens that “I’ was hurt, my feelings were hurt, i wasn’t cared for, i was left alone, i was cheated, i was ignored all these feelings are natural and may or may not be caused by the other, so its always important to inquire that is it actually caused by the other,or  if its exaggerated, or how intense are these feelings, do you encourage them more. one must ascertain all these factors before breaking out from home or breaking the relationship.

marriage is about two people coming together to share their lives so its always important for the two of them to keep others at bay even their own family, friends and relatives when things concerned with their relationship are at stake, for that reason no decisions should be left to either of family members as it should done by the mutual agreement of the two and the couple must see that they are not intensely guided or lead by their families so much that it leads to conflicts and disagreement among them, after all its them who are in the middle of everything and its their life and nothing should affect or come in between their relationship to destroy their harmony.So a married couple should know who should they follow and lead by and remain conscious in their decisions and life roles.

The intention and thinking matters as much as the responsibilities and freedom in the marriage, where everyone has some prerequisite information that there are certain things which need to be followed in a marriage, some responsibilities and that there has to be equal space and freedom too even when all things are ‘meant’ to be shared, these are well common notions that everyone knows, but what I stress more upon, is the ‘Intention’ that goes into marriage when issues arise, in case of “what ifs” like the other doesn’t fulfill the responsibilities  or the other requires more space and time alone , gives priority to his/her career or goals more than ‘me’ or ‘my  home’ or ‘my family’, in  such cases disputes happen, so its important to eliminate these disputes by disclosing your intentions to continue with the marriage and relation no matter what happens , to reassure the other about your thinking and that these issues are very temporary and the factors harming the other are merely pretending to do so because the actual mindset with which you are into this marriage is only the truth that the other must know rest is fake and sublime.

A couple in the marriage or relationship must stand with each other in every problem or distress and must support each other with everything, for marriage is not only joy-some togetherness rather its assimilation and accommodation of  both the worlds that come in form of two human beings to come together to be identified as one whole .

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The responsibil…

The duties of marriage are much greater than the right to marriage.

Its easier to get married but very hard to perform and fulfill all the responsibilities as a spouse.

Go Beyond Emotional Embellishments

Its said that life is a lifeless line if its devoid of movement that culminates from deep within the pits and cracks of pain and suffering only to rise and gain momentum infused with happiness and content.

Life is completely void if we don’t have these moments that bring out the real self in us and the real stuff from others, it is because we are social animals and everything is correlated what may affect the other may effect us too and what may affect us may effect the others as well.

This means we are living in a chaos and life is not void and we certainly don’t live in a  vacuum. Everything is placed at a specific place in a specific order as per our age, role, responsibility and experience. we cannot break this system that is monotonously being followed since ages.

And since ages we continue to feel helpless not being able to break the pattern, we still feel emptiness somewhere inside , deep within our hearts, we follow the daily rituals, do our work , take care of our responsibilities and still keep doing it no matter what runs around in our mind.

Our inner thoughts are sometimes plagued with such mysterious thoughts that make us feel   nothing almost nothing even if we are surrounded with people or other daily thoughts. And still we keep doing insisting ourselves to adhere the routine and feel that there’s nothing greater than following the norm .

Am never in the mood to break the norm or system rather feel the urge to observe sometimes these series of thoughts that insist upon taking a break maybe because we are consumed, exhausted and deprived of some needs that we cannot imagine.

It could be the need to break the routine, the desire to sit on the sea shore listening to the waves, lying under a tree seeing the nature and listening its melody, or just lazing around with few people who wish to do the same, or just throwing pebbles in the pond.

Remember here how newton discovered the law of gravity only after seeing the apples fall from the trees in the lap of the nature  and thus everything came and theories went on, so things do happen, even if we don’t run after them forcing them to happen inside the lab of life.

Again the desire could be anything, it is endless, and therefore we need the line a straight line sometimes, which is devoid of moments or emotions, happiness or pain, as these are not the only thing that define our life or do they ?

There can be a stretch in time where we can snatch some moments that are without these emotional embellishments .

After all, we are racing and pacing up and down the graph of life just to make it happen, to make it existential, we forget that making it run up and down is not the only thing,

“for life can move in a line too and much effectively than in any other case, moreover it has the potential to reach the destination much sooner than any other soul following the graph making emotional movements “.

Life is easy and simple to live if there’s inner peace, as i call it void, the space or the emptiness of the mind that is free of any emotional tags to the events that happen, everyday, where the joys and sorrows don’t originate from anywhere, and we live absolutely simple and straight in a vacuum.

Employee Rights: Are they Functional ?

The plight of a Genuine but Not powerful Employee ..

Only Requirement Works Here !

Now when you are out of your mother’s womb and away from your parents caresses and pamper, you must fend for yourself with available help that others have to offer in such times, and many times even alone. And when you are out to survive to earn your bread if not for yourself, you may do it for those who survive because of you.

So here begins the never ending road of survival full of struggles. I can barely accept a life minus troubles at any place home, neighborhood, society, roads, parking’s  malls, whoa and even the place where you work for a reason, the place where freedom exists in the Constitution but you may not have the same freedom as an Employee and to this day am genuinely unaware of an Employee Rights be it Government or Private sector, whcih ones are finctional and whcih ones are deni.

To forecast the future in an organisation is somewhat vague, you jump with joy on getting a job but realize it, after some days that this place or work is not meant for you and if at all, it is meant then it can only be occasioned best in two situations where, “you may like the job profile,but not the working conditions, or, you may like the working conditions but not the job profile”.

It may be rare to find sync with both the aspects.

Here the most significant factor that perturbs me to write an account on behalf of my colleagues and friends, to share their helplessness and what defunct s them, as they slog , unwillingly and unattended to their own cause. Its not about “Adjustment” at all , everyone does so unless their comes a point where they either have to “Bend or Break”.

I believe there’s more than what meets the eye, employees feel devoid of rights many a times, for n number of reasons, and prominently it has been Office Politics, favoritism, non observance of employee past or present records, unhealthy competition, lack of empathy, lack of cohesiveness among team members , negative behavior on part of Bosses , managers and even Human resource persons who lack practical application of those theoretical facts they have read all this time.

The most important in all this is the role of the HR manager who have an exit interview with the person who separates form the organization should be thoroughly questioned in a empathetic manner moreover it can be conducted by the third party, it would be more transparent and unbiased. As they they can evaluate the pros and cons of the organization as well along with the employees reasons for quitting.And such reports should be escalated to the Bosses who conclude it in an unbiased way and over finding no fault of the employee should try retaining the employee in the organization by making improvements.

Moreover i should not forget to mention about the “Contracts” having ridiculous clauses in them, which should be considered by some change makers who may work for creating better employee conditions to do away with unjustifiable clauses that may harm an employees legitimate rights as per constitutional rights.

Here i cannot refrain myself from putting a similar situation, justifiably in view of above mentioned reasons, which happened some time back : when i was taken by shocked, not at all intimated, never applied for and not even a single ground being mentioned as to why or for what reason i were transferred and felt disheartened and disoriented, as i had to give up on my kids with whom i had shared a bond that was about to go on for many more years to come and believed that i have been with these kids, taught them, loved them and shared the world with them, i got transferred to some other school. Am not happy with the system that does not realize the value of this nurtured and hard earned relationship of kids, a teacher secures, the rapport she shares, is hard to contrive. One doesn’t even come to know of their spouse in so many years, but here i had touched and nurtured 80 kids since beginning.

In the same way i can relate this  “officeisms” where my fiance was Overburdened and many a times taken away the responsibility he had in his previous job. the people who are up in the hierarchy at workplace hold power positions, and distinguish themselves in signatures that work for them. they actually work as per requirement, fitting the blocks in the board is what they care about, not to think beyond “Fitting” and “Requirement”.

Its a Pandora’s box, and none is keen to open this, the above situation is a fragment of the major portion of  problems that surrounds the system and structure in offices,

The problem becomes more insignificant when people do not stand for injustice nor complain, because employment is a need, and this need becomes helplessness and people take advantage of such helplessness where they keep throwing the pandemonium for employees in offices.

I hope that the system in every organisation changes for good, where there are rules books are followed and the employee rights are mentioned, through government policies which help the private and public sector employees to eliminate their helplessness and can work for choice and will.