Tag Archives: respect

Love beyond ONE :Taboo !

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Krishna had 16,108 wives.

I hope that am not caught or tried because of the topic am going to write about now.  As it may sound extreme deviation from the norms that our society has been following since ages. Though i love to talk all sweet and nice  as its easily approved and acceptable to everyone.

It is all because we actually see a reflection in others and that is like a mirror in which we see ourselves, the things we want to deliberately see comforting our own scheme of thoughts and perception we have about us and others and what we are , reflects in the others we see because we want to see that . Its about the thoughts, our understanding the way we think about others tantamount to what we are precisely, what kind of human being we are in real.

Because we are made up of our own beliefs  moral, traditions, norms, values, hopes and desires we want to see in the world that comforts all these , and the things that are beyond our understanding and do not fall anywhere in line with the above is bound to be rejected or abhorred.

Why is it so difficult to understand and accept certain things beyond our understanding is difficult to know exactly , it may be due to conditioning that we are not keen to learn anymore anything that is new and breaks our routine thoughts.  we do not wish to go beyond  we feel comfortably in our zone , approved and accepted the way society wants exactly.

But we fail as this society stops us from attaining the new, exploring other avenues, innovating something new , going for  the truth . It wants us to cling to it and we wish to do the same out of security and belonging.

And those who break free of the said norms , are despised and never thought or taught about, for generations unless there are some really great minds who work hard to understand them and discover their intelligence and extra-ordinariness. They are not captive to the society nor their stereotypical notions.

Now having said all that, i wish to ponder over, this feeling called Love which is beautiful and a great thing to do in life.

What is love actually, it is a feeling where a man and woman fall for each other and keep on insisting and practicing this confinement to each other where, confinement equals commitment that too forever, which keeps it functioning, well this is love today actually and no doubt it will run for many eons, and i hold nothing against this.I believe that love can happen all the more , many times and again its not even sex as we may criticize a man or woman for loving more that one person , and label him/her with different names.

Love is the most difficult task indeed and holding it to one is even more difficult because it changes from love to possessiveness and goes beyond that  where we keep looking to confine that one person who should be meant for us all our lives, that becomes a negative side of love which we have since long time because it restricts, upholds and creates dangerous feelings within us where we time and again wish to break free, and look for other , because we have a choice to do so having options available, that makes the situation all the more bad.

Love cannot be confined rather it can be spread and left free to blossom to as many as possible. It is no more difficult thing to do, love is best understood if it holds no feelings like possession and monopoly over a single person. It has enough potential to accommodate as many as one can love without any difficulty like a mother never differentiate s or bias her love for her children, similarly a man or a woman can go beyond traditional existing love and can hold pure love feelings for others as well.

We have many examples in our history where polygamy and polyandry was practiced and love was encouraged and was considered pious as in today and such men and women were even prayed and were of high virtue and morals.For instance Draupadi who loved all her 5 husbands the pandav’s equally and she holds the dignity and respect since ages, but we find some elements of prostitution too when we recollect about her, being wife to 5 men and how she was able to equally love all of them and never made her love fall short or more for any of them. Even Krishna had so many wives and he was equally present for all of them and they could feel his love without bias .

Draupadi with Pandavas and their mother

Similarly in some societies / religions that have different situation than ours, polygamy or polyandry became necessary and moral due to war and conflicts where there are less men and more woman and even where male and female sex ratio are different woman are few and there are more men and for those men and women who are divorced, separated, widows or left out, in such circumstances it becomes necessary and if had not been like that, then many would have been forced to live a loveless life who then may resort to  prostitution or victimizing others for their needs, which again stands highly immoral as per society.

But i think,even the prostitutes hold a good place in my thoughts, as those men and woman save , defend and protect us from the evils that could happen to kids, women, men , old and young. They hold more dignity and respect, in my view, they are like the soldiers who fight everyday to protect us.

Even today it exists where i saw a discovery channel documentary showing a woman living with two men under the same roof and all the three of them enjoyed a life full of love and respect , the men equally loved the woman and the woman loved them both. i was amazed to see the comfort level, the love they had for each other, and was laughing when my mom said “this is heights of immorality, and it happens in times today only not earlier “.

Anyhow i was glad to see that and thought that how heavenly it could be to get love from as many people as you can in this one life, its not sex again , but a pure love that can or cannot include sex, but it just makes you feel good and the same feeling for others who are in love completely  Its not supposed to be selfish rather a selfless and unconditional tribute to life of divinity and richness.

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Evil is not Compromised !

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There’s nothing like Humans on this earth..

Perhaps you must be perplexed to read the above lines, but let me bring fore the reality that may strike you to come to terms with the same conclusion as the one i keep . There’s no dearth of men and women on this earth who know how to exist peacefully and cohabit mutually with dignity for each other with respect to each others gender and the role concerned to it. The role encompasses with both entering into rightful and dignified institutions of society where they can thrive happily and prosper.

Now if the society has sanctioned some institution where one can derive all the pleasures of their opposite gender then there’s no room left for them to loot or plunder for the same and that too customizing the women in specific here, as a flesh to satiate their up roaring, unrestrained sexual urges that are not channelized.

In light of the some shameful incidents that happened with girls in Guwahati (assam) where a mob of inhuman and devilish people relished the helplessness of the girl , biting upon her flesh and pulling her hair and even thrashing her for not complying to let them take her clothes off her skin for their game. I completely abhor this shameful event and at the same time am bound to recall how a women was kicked and thrashed by the Egyptian police and again a mob of people in gurgaon who had gone wild over finding another helpless victim mercilessly robbed her off her dignity.

It all depict that how cruel or how outrageous the mentality of humans are degrading, am of no doubt that the same men must have been born from their mothers womb only and not from their fathers ass, if at all they don’t have any regard for the women whom they link or perceive merely as a moving sex object. Its really hard to change such perceptions as they only stem from places where they are brought up in such conditions, where literally women are given no regard, they act as they have seen all their life, but then their mother’s too did not sow the seeds of dignity or respect for themselves and became the very enemies of their own kind. so this had to happen its a vicious circle that goes on.

she did not had any respect form her husband then how could the other women have it from her son.

The roots need to be strengthened , the ground should be made fertile where the seeds of values should be sown and grown to be harvested one day where even the girls of such monsters can breathe free . Though somehow it angers and frustrates, so much that i wish to curse and burst out at them, but here for me i just cannot curse these men that they should realize the pain of these women upon whom they inflict such brutality and insanity as i cannot torment my own kind and i shall never curse the womenfolk linked to them for they they did not teach them ethics or humanity .

Lest these men should go through the same trauma themselves that they impose upon other, for nothing in the world is attributed as best, to equal the amount of pain or happiness unless you yourself have been in the same shoes to realize to bear and to feel the same in order to relieve oneself of guilt or enjoy the good of happiness.

Here i remember the story of daaku angulimaal who was transformed by gautam buddha even after committing so many evils …

Angulimala: A Story of the Power of Compassion

Angulimaal was transformed by Buddha who enlightened him.

 There was once the son of a Brahmin (the highest “priestly” caste in India) in the court of King Pasenadi of Kosala, whose name was Ahimsaka. He was sent to Taxila for his studies. Ahimsaka was intelligent and obedient to this teacher; therefore he was liked by both the teacher and his wife. This made the other pupils jealous of him. So they went to the teacher and falsely accused Ahimsaka of having an immoral relationship with the teacher’s wife. At first, he did not believe them, but after hearing it a number of times, he thought it was true and vowed to have revenge on Ahimsaka. He thought that to kill him would reflect badly on him. His rage prompted him to suggest the unthinkable to the young and innocent Ahimsaka. He told his pupil to kill a thousand human beings and to bring the right thumb of each as payment for teaching him. Of course the youngster would not even think of such a thing, so he was banished from the teacher’s house and returned to his parents.

When his father learned why Ahimsaka had been expelled, he became furious with his son, and would hear no reason. On that very day, with the rain pouring down, he ordered Ahimsaka to leave the house. Ahimsaka went to his mother and asked her advice, but she could not go against the will of her husband. Next Ahimsaka went to the house of his betrothed (in accord with the ancient custom in India calling for betrothal of children long before their actual marriage), but when the family learned why Ahimsaka had been turned out of school, they drove him off. The shame, anger, fear, and despair of Ahimsaka drove him out of his mind. His suffering mind could only recollect the teacher’s order: to collect 1,000 human thumbs. And so he started killing, and as he killed, the thumbs he collected were hung on a tree, but as they were destroyed by crows and vultures, he later wore a garland of the fingers to keep track of the number.

Because of this he came to be known as Angulimala (finger garland) and became the terror of the countryside. The king himself heard about the exploits of Angulimala, and he decided to capture him. When Mantani, Ahimsaka’s mother, heard about the king’s intention, she went to the forest in a desperate bid to save her son. By this time, the chain around the neck of Angulimala had 999 fingers in it, just one finger short of 1,000.

The Buddha; learned of the mother’s attempt to dissuade her son from, and reflected that if he did not intervene, Angulimala, who was on the lookout for the last person to make up the 1,000, would see his mother and might kill her. In that case, he would have to suffer an even longer period for his evil kamma. Out of compassion, the Buddha left for the forest.

Angulimala, after many sleepless days and nights, was very tired and near exhaustion. At the same time, he was very anxious to kill the last person to make up his full quota of 1,000 and so complete his task. He made up his mind to kill the first person he met. As he looked down from his mountain perch, he saw a woman on the road below. He wanted to fulfil his vow to complete the 1,000 thumbs, but as he approached, he saw it was his mother. At the same time, the Buddha was approaching, and Angulimala had just enough presence of mind to decide to kill the wandering monk instead of his mother. He set out after the Blessed One with his knife raised. But the Buddha kept moving ahead of him. Angulimala just could not catch up with him. Finally, he cried out, “O Bhikkhu, stop, stop!” And the Enlightened One replied, “I have stopped. It is you who have not stopped.” Angulimala did not catch the significance of these words, so he asked, “O bhikkhu! Why do you say that you have stopped while I have not?”

The Buddha replied, “I say that I have stopped because I have given up killing all beings. I have given up ill-treating all beings, and have established myself in universal love, patience, and knowledge through reflection. But you have not given up killing or ill treating others and you are not yet established in universal love and patience. Hence, you are the one who has not stopped.” On hearing these words Angulimala was recalled to reality, and thought, these are the words of a wise man. This monk is so very wise and so very brave that he must be the leader of the monks. Indeed, he must be the Enlightened One himself! He must have come here specially to make me see the light. So thinking, he threw away his weapons and asked the Blessed One to admit to the Order of the bhikkhus, which the Buddha did.

When the king and his men came to capture Angulimala, they found him at the monastery of the Buddha. Finding that Angulimala had given up his evil ways and become a bhikkhu, the king and his men agreed to leave him alone. During his stay at the monastery, Angulimala ardently practiced meditation.

Angulimala had no peace of mind because even in his solitary meditation he used to recall memories of his past and the pathetic cries of his unfortunate victims. As a result of his evil kamma, while seeking alms in the streets he would become a target of stray stones and sticks and he would return to the Jetavana monastery with broken head and blood flowing, cut and bruised, to be reminded by the Buddha: “My son Angulimala. You have done away with evil. Have patience. This is the effect of the evil deeds you have committed in the existence. Your evil kamma would have made you suffer through innumerable existences had I not met you.”

One morning while going on an almsround in Savatthi, Angulimala heard someone crying out in pain. When he came to know that a pregnant lady was having labor pains and facing difficulty to deliver the child, he reflected, all worldly beings are subject to suffering. Moved by compassion, he reported the suffering of this poor woman to the Buddha who advised him to recite the following words of truth, which later came to be known as Angulimala Paritta. Going to the presence of the suffering woman, he sat on a seat separated from her by a screen, and uttered these words:

Sister, since the day I became an arahat

I have not consciously destroyed

The life of any living beings.

By this truth, may you be well

And may your unborn child be well.

Instantly the woman delivered her child with ease. Both the mother and chid were well and healthy. Even today many resort to this paritta. Angulimala liked living in solitude and in seclusion. Later he passed away peacefully. As an arahant, he attained parinibbana.

Other bhikkhus asked the Buddha where Angulimala was reborn, and when the Blessed One replied, my son Angulimala has attained parinibbana, they could hardly believe it. So they asked whether it was possible that such a man who had in fact killed so many people could have attained parinibbana. To this question, the Buddha replied, “Bhikkhus, Angulimala had done much evil because he did not have good friends. But later, he hound good friends and with their help and good advice he became steadfast and mindful in practicing the dhamma and meditation. Thus, his evil deeds have been overwhelmed by good kamma and his mind has been completely rid of all defilements.”

The Buddha said of Angulimala

“Whose evil deed is obscured by good,

he illumines this world like the

moon freed from a cloud.”

The power of love and compassion are stronger than any evil, and are absolute conditions for awakening.

 I wish these unmindful and ignorant devils do realize someday what deeds they have committed and as the cycle would go on,so shall they suffer in next births to come if not this one…everything shall be distributed equally for the deeds we do be it good or bad , if you have done one bad you shall be given bad in return as Shiva says u cannot compensate it for even a 1000 good deeds you do.But you can lessen the effect of it somehow by doing Good karma.

You CAN Improve : By Being Your Child’s Inspiration !

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In view of the the topic mentioned above perhaps maybe some or many of us would find it rather very hard to believe in the above statement moreover it may scare some.

why ?

Because We all share the same level and space of committing mistakes as we are not born perfect and the ones who are not perfect have limited scope of becoming role models or inspires or even leaders.

And its absolutely wrong if some of us believe in the statement right above, because i think and strongly feel that to become a source of inspiration and leader one need not be perfect, one should always have that space to commit an error and then working over it to improve.

Life is too long to live and there are plenty of situations and contexts where one can err , and its not that if one happens to do an error one cannot be the leader but it becomes difficult to work over such roles if after mistakes one tries to defend it by making a lot of excuses in a rush or even forgetting to care about the same.  this may take a larger picture even because when the mistake was absorbed by a large number of people around you, and by chance there was nothing you did at that time to amend or improve it, then for sure your impression may not be good on them.

Its a routine that people have short memory when it comes to recollecting about a person,  the negative memories flood over the positive ones and they create a much larger picture of the whole personality that creates an overall disapproval for him/her. And therefore even on working hard, having great potential and skills some people cannot become leaders or great role models.

One thing Can be done to overcome mistakes is to refresh people’s memory by immediately following up the mistake by making apologies to save your impressions forever in the memories of people who can remember about you as the person who is visibly a good man/woman, noble, humble, honest, and mature to accept his/ her mistake and apologize or improve it having the courage to do so in front of everyone.

This Gesture is immensely approved and seen as mark of respect and honor, everyone appreciates this kind of behavior .

Its not that difficult to do so because every action has its repercussion and it may seem that in times today it is foolish to admit mistakes in front of so many people be it work or home, it seriously puts a badge over that person who may seem to be a bundle of mistakes and errors .

But if you have the sheer courage to accept it and learn the lesson from it and pass that lesson to others would make a significant  difference and this is the key point to let others learn .

The best way to become an inspiration for self and others is to begin at home where often parents commit a variety of mistakes in front of their kids, like simple things we do, forgetting to take them for outing or smoking even after promising them to quit . Kids are great observers they observe every action the elders do and being honest and sincere with them is the best way one can enrich their good traits and solidify them so that it becomes a practice and follows you as your integral part of Integrity .

The simplest and sweetest way to improve is be transparent with your kids and become their source of Inspiration and not only that even their Role Model .