रिश्ते निभाने के लिए लफ़्ज़ों कि ज़रूरत गैरों को पड़ती है, अपनों को नहीं । By Shilpi Chauhan
A very Happy Karva Chauth to Everyone.
On this beautiful day that celebrates vows of togetherness, love and prayers for long life and good health of the spouse, i pray that this bond goes on forever and for agle saat janam tak.
Here’s what happens on Karva chauth , we keep the fast all day and break it only after seeing the moon through a sieve and then our husband through that sieve after which the hubby ends the wife’s day long fast by offering her water and sweets. Women apply menhndi on their hands and feet and do all the saaj shringar like i have applied mehndi today on my OWN for simple budget reasons, and would wear my wedding lehnga as its my first karva chauth after marriage so typically ill be dressed and decked up like a bride today as well. Wow.
In the afternoon i will do the puja with karva filled with water and some rice ( earthern small pot that has a little opening which is closed by cotton ) and another pot of metal filled with water (pital ka lota) as i live alone so ill move the two of them side by side in circular direction without touching their surface. over that ill keep some rice , wheat and sweets, and also stick the calender of karva chauth katha where the vrat katha is written and decorate it with garlands and do the tilak and puja of karva by decorating it with red thread and red vermilion with a swastik. Ill put a bright saree and suhaag samgri along with it as the daughter in law offers some presents and sweets for their mother in law on the occasion of karva chauth. I will preserve them for her till the time i meet her , the puja thali is decorated with diya , roli, chawal, haldi, heena, some makeup, bangles, and everything .
After the puja i will prepare some dishes like alu gobi , halwa, puri, raita, dal, chawal for the evening , though these dishes are prepared by mother in law ,as am living alone ill prepare them myself and will wait for my husband to return from work then after the moonrise i will do the puja again and put tilak on my husbands forehead and see him through the seive in which i will keep a lit diya, after that i will offer the karva water to the moon and pray for my hubbys good health and long life. then i will touch his feet and seek his blessings and end my fast by eating sweets and water from his hands.
In order to feel perfect Absence, one should measure the Distance first
I realize the power of missing someone, how does the absence of my hubby creates certain feelings, it never happened before where he had to go for 3 – 4 days office tour, and only now am able to feel and realize the depths of emotions where i long for him so much and never ever realized that he is absent everyday for 8 to 9 hours and comes back home only after office hours. Though he being there in office all day and very much near to me, i can still have this presence of him, thinking that he is just a few miles away and that’s all that puts to rest my clumsy feelings.
And but now i feel that absence doesn’t matter much what matters is the distance that separates the two of us, the feeling that am i be able to reach him or not, and that there are thousands of miles between us..and oh ! he is so far away, creates more emotions and more feelings inside me.
Everything is superb , nice, awesome and fantastic just the way I thought about life that’s going to be after my marriage and it truly is very nice and comfortable.
But still something’s amiss something makes me sad and cry some, being surrounded by all happiness and goodness I still feel away from them its just about 15 days since I got married but I miss my family my mom, dad , niece, sister in law and my brother, everyone so much, and its more about missing my home and Delhi , the place where I’ve lived since birth.
And here in Kolkata almost thousands miles away from home I feel lost many a times since my transition is yet to begin this is just a fragment of it am with my new mom and dad in their home but next or coming weeks I will shift to another place in Kolkata itself again some 25 miles away from them .
So much to happen , I feel that if my inner state is little troubled this time and there are so many people around me to support and love me , how will I manage without them all alone when my my hubby would be off to work and ill be alone at home. That is the time I need to think about what will I do and how will I manage my time and emotions .
It will be new for him as well but I have more problems than him, language constraints not knowing Bengali, an old locality unlike the city in Kolkata, away from family and even the lovely maa in law, and much more that takes rounds in my head. Am unable to think clearly as to how will I live and manage time with emotions.
Sometimes I fear my own feelings as am strong and do not wish to succumb to them, actually I have waited for these moments all my life after going through so many troubles in the past , but then here am and this life and situation is about me and I have to tackle it.
Will get back with more updates as I need all your advice and inputs for my new journey to help me adjust and live in a good mental shape.
Marriage is not an End Game rather its the beginning of the gaming seasons that will never end and you keep practicing to play level after level.
न चाहत जगाओ अब सोने दो मुझे
इस चाहत में बिगड़े थे सपनो के किले
ना फैसला किया न सोचा यह दिल
बस बनाता गया मुझे उनके काबिल
जो टूटे इस कदर रिश्तों भरे वादे
ना मैं समझी ना मेरी वफ़ा
यू बीच मझदार छोड़ मुझे जब चल दिए,
तब आकर किसीने मेरा हाथ थामा
हैरान थी मैं यह सोच-सोच कर,
क्या मुस्कुरा पाऊँगी कभी इन आंसूओ को पोछकर
कैसे सबकुछ मेरा तुमने बाँट लिया,
हर दुःख भरा लम्हा मेरा तुमने छाँट लिया
मेरे दुःख के हर लम्हे को दिया तुमने तोड़
सब दे दिया इस चाह्त से भी आगे बड़के,
अपनी दुनिया में बसाने, इस समाज से लड़के
जाने किन तुफानो में हो जाती मैं गुम
इस भीड़ में आकर नज़रो से तुमने संभाला,
नज़रो से ही पहनाई मैंने मिलन की वरमाला
जो तुम न होते, तो क्या मैं होती
और जो ना होते, तो क्या सपने संजोती,
बस इस चाह्त भरे ख्वाब को खुली आँखों से देखती,
सच हो सब सपने, मेरे दिल की हर आवाज़ कहती
कोई बंधन अब इतना नहीं मूल्यवान,
ना साथ रहने में ही लिखे सब समाधान
हर जनम का साथी वो सिर्फ मेरा है,
साथ उसके ही जीवन का हर सवेरा है
अब तो डर भी नहीं, ना बंदिश कोई,
चाहतो के प्यार भरे साये में, मैं खोयी
जो तुम हो तो सब कुछ है पास,
जो तुम न हो ,तो न हो कोई आस
हर जीवन के पल में रहे साथ तुम्हारा,
इस नदी की लहरों को मिले किनारा
येही बात और येही जज़्बात,
जोड़े हमे हमेशा एकसाथ
मेरे प्यारे सनम मेरे भोले सनम
तुमको देती मैं आज प्यार की कसम
कि साथ निभाने का दे दो मुझे वचन
Today, Technology Ease our life and Relationships Please our life
A few years back i always thought about getting married and how beautiful the life will be like every girl would have thought , to go places, to see the world , to hold hands, to eat good food , to wear the most fashionable clothes on honeymoon, to love and hug and get love and hugs 24 /7 and forever and ever. I too had such beautiful and exciting thoughts about getting married.
And i did get married and all wasn’t beautiful as it looked like in my case, because i had this picture in my mind that did not fitted well when i saw the other couples and heard their stories of romance and love making and how beautiful it was all in the arranged setup . I still managed for a good time but had to separate soon as things went ugly to awry and so it had to happen because after giving your extreme self to the other, there come’s a time when you have to realize that the heart that beats inside your body is the sound of your soul that wishes to live .
One has to believe that this life is not your or mine or anyone else’s for whom you need to sacrifice not even for your own miseries you dont have to die unless your time comes till that moment you should live with all its struggles, sufferings , good , bad, pain, sorrow, happiness, love etc. I too had my moments where i thought everything is shattered, am in ruins and other stuff about thoughts to die and live no longer, and the best part i was encouraged even more to succumb to my thoughts passively by some people. But i never took the extreme i always prolonged that period of pain further than to fall apart.
I’ve learned and matured in my thoughts and to this day my problems and life struggles haven’t ended, and i have experimented with these feelings that how the other person lives well and am still in troubles, i have thought a way out for this too, i think i haven’t seen this person’s complete life what is there in his/her life , how bad or good his time will be or how he she would suffer or die i do not know, so would i still be willing to compare or desire his/her life or even exchange it . No ,not for once i hold my karma and my consequences as my own and i would never wish to change it with anyone else’s .
Believe you me even today after all that i still struggle and there’s so much in my life that needs to be well placed. After separation i lived quite peacefully and met a good person on a legal portal, he too is separated and still struggling a lot without a job and money, and its been like this since the last 2 years and more, we have been with each other in rough times and holding each other, where we have least hopes for our marriage or a comfortable life in future, we shall have to do a lot to make ends meet. But we are not afraid to do that even because we will be together is what we care for.
Had it been like this, that only we two were concerned forever it could be easier but then, the sad part is the mix of two families our well settled wealthy relatives and friends who lead life of luxuries always keep asking about when, where, how, why and what of our life’s, thank god i have got so much strength and courage to put a really great shape and face in front of them and even for him, we dont open up easily. I keep assuring everyone about our future and we shall live good and he will get a job soon he is trying hard.
We have never given up on hope , to live a positive life with good thoughts , we struggle and cherish this period of struggle because we know we have met each other that was the best thing that could happen to us, we cry one hour but feel OK the other hour. i dont know where this enormous strength has come to us that we have suffered so much, that we are toughened by these circumstances and we just hope and wait for our days to change and let the sun shine for us .
Whenever am in trouble and have depression like feelings i always think that at least am alive to correct it and life is much greater than the problems itself, so why t worry as this period will go away , maybe it becomes a long period end-up in years but still it will end someday, it cannot remain forever. And believe its encouraging to think that you live good to change things , think of other things where you are killed by some mad person or die in a freak accident , its best that god has given you this chance and you are alive and able to transform the bad to good.
No wonder life is full of phases of good and bad but its best to endure in that time it can last for years and years but you still need to put up a smiling face before the society and friends so that they cannot know what you face, as only a percent of people will understand you and you never know which percent is that. So its best to keep your life and struggles to yourself it gives you courage strength and wisdom to continue and grow in life.