Tag Archives: problems

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“Why people seem to be unapproachable, is it because i think that they will ignore me or even say no in my face or is it my Ego that doesn’t let me reach”

By shilpi

The Unapproachable

How to be Positive & do away with the negative thoughts

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Life begins to end the day you desire to do something before you die.

Why is it necessary to run after things, to run after name fame or money, when you can live happily without doing anything. The day such feelings develop to leave something behind , so that other’s can remember you, is the beginning of the day you forget to live life and you just become part of the mad race that no one sees has to end up in ashes.

Feeling Away

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my sweet niece tiddu whom I miss so much

my sweet niece tiddu whom I miss so much

Everything is superb , nice, awesome and fantastic just the way I thought about life that’s going to be after my marriage and it truly is very nice and comfortable.

But still something’s amiss something makes me sad and cry some, being surrounded by all happiness and goodness I still feel away from them its just about 15 days since I got married but I miss my family my mom, dad , niece, sister in law and my brother, everyone so much, and its more about missing my home and Delhi , the place where I’ve lived since birth.

And here in Kolkata almost thousands miles away from home I feel lost many a times since my transition is yet to begin this is just a fragment of it am with my new mom and dad in their home but next or coming weeks I will shift to another place in Kolkata itself again some 25 miles away from them .

So much to happen , I feel that if my inner state is little troubled this time and there are so many people around me to support and love me , how will I manage without them all alone when my my hubby would be off to work and ill  be alone at home. That is the time I need to think about what will I do and how will I manage my time and emotions .

It will be new for him as well but I have more problems than him, language constraints not knowing Bengali, an old locality unlike the city in Kolkata, away from family and even the lovely maa in law,  and much more that takes rounds in my head. Am unable to think clearly as to how will I live and manage time with emotions.

Sometimes I fear my own feelings as am strong and do not wish to succumb to them, actually I have waited for these moments all my life after going through so many troubles in the past , but then here am and this life and situation is about me and I have to tackle it.

Will get back with more updates as I need all your advice and inputs for my new journey to help me adjust and live in a good mental shape.

Marriage : An Everlasting Intention

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Traditional Indian Wedding Image

What is the first thing that comes to your mind on hearing this word Marriage ?

Probably joy, elation, feelings of attachment to someone who would be there every time and everyday with you and is meant just for you, with the one you’ll rise every morning and go to bed every night, with whom you can share everything about your world and that is in your world which become our world .

Again the above thoughts are restricted for the first timers, i hope i make myself clear when i say this because it aches me to write an explanation for what i actually mean by first timers , or the fresh ones. Actually I don’t want to get acknowledged each day or to remind even you that its another one or am the second timer and i have no such thoughts as i expressed above.

The definition or the contributing thoughts that surround this word marriage for me now have changed immensely and its nothing like sharing – caring or great honeymoons or candle light dinners anymore .

I feel that the actual realization that has happened to me now should happen to everyone, the first or the second timers that is marriage is not only about the display of what  ‘I’ feel so that the other spouse whose ‘I” is less than mine should fulfill all the desires i have leaving himself or herself behind where gradually with time ‘I’ grows and monotony sets in for the other and conflicts happen where the other feels left out as his/her desires remain unfulfilled and even unexplored. therefore there should be continuous effort to explore the ‘we’ desires more and give space to fulfill the ‘I’ desires alone all by yourself unburdening the other for their fulfillment.

I think marriage is more about giving solutions rather than understanding the problems of the relationship, we often develop our reactions on pre assumptions, stereotypical thoughts about the other as we always think that “I KNOW him or her so its nothing different today”, emotional assessment of the situation how it affected me , ego outbursts, etc. when there’s some issue or conflict we are tangled in the problem so much that we only understand the problem and forget about the solution or the other things to weigh and value ‘my’ emotional hurt and my suffering much more than the problem, leaving no space for the solution . So its actually creating more problem , one must remain conscious to find solutions of the problem rather accumulating more of it.

I feel that when you are in a relationship or married it is important to always be aware of emotions that lead to major disasters, because it always happens that “I’ was hurt, my feelings were hurt, i wasn’t cared for, i was left alone, i was cheated, i was ignored all these feelings are natural and may or may not be caused by the other, so its always important to inquire that is it actually caused by the other,or  if its exaggerated, or how intense are these feelings, do you encourage them more. one must ascertain all these factors before breaking out from home or breaking the relationship.

marriage is about two people coming together to share their lives so its always important for the two of them to keep others at bay even their own family, friends and relatives when things concerned with their relationship are at stake, for that reason no decisions should be left to either of family members as it should done by the mutual agreement of the two and the couple must see that they are not intensely guided or lead by their families so much that it leads to conflicts and disagreement among them, after all its them who are in the middle of everything and its their life and nothing should affect or come in between their relationship to destroy their harmony.So a married couple should know who should they follow and lead by and remain conscious in their decisions and life roles.

The intention and thinking matters as much as the responsibilities and freedom in the marriage, where everyone has some prerequisite information that there are certain things which need to be followed in a marriage, some responsibilities and that there has to be equal space and freedom too even when all things are ‘meant’ to be shared, these are well common notions that everyone knows, but what I stress more upon, is the ‘Intention’ that goes into marriage when issues arise, in case of “what ifs” like the other doesn’t fulfill the responsibilities  or the other requires more space and time alone , gives priority to his/her career or goals more than ‘me’ or ‘my  home’ or ‘my family’, in  such cases disputes happen, so its important to eliminate these disputes by disclosing your intentions to continue with the marriage and relation no matter what happens , to reassure the other about your thinking and that these issues are very temporary and the factors harming the other are merely pretending to do so because the actual mindset with which you are into this marriage is only the truth that the other must know rest is fake and sublime.

A couple in the marriage or relationship must stand with each other in every problem or distress and must support each other with everything, for marriage is not only joy-some togetherness rather its assimilation and accommodation of  both the worlds that come in form of two human beings to come together to be identified as one whole .

Does it matter where Positivism come’s from ?

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We talk about being positive, having positive attitude and positive approach towards life.

Today Positivism has filled every corner of our life its there at the work or in our home, where the need and demand is growing at a very fast pace just as the technology is making our live’s vulnerable and stressful. The global life of an average person is being run over by stress , confusion, crises, tension, unfulfilled needs, desires complexities, problems, pain, suffering, and delusions that has become more or less an identity if that very person.

  For Instance , If we have a person who is every day ranting about his promotion at the work place, this person’s identity becomes  different unlike his skill or name he might be called as Mr. promotion or a real example about a women ( here  one of my friend ) who loves to splurge and go after brand shopping, it were no problem if she kept all that to herself rather pulling us who cannot spend so much and looks down upon us, for this i actually gave her a name i.e Ms Price Tag. 

There is nothing to ridicule about such people by assigning them names and they happen to be everywhere among our friends,  family, relatives, acquaintances etc who they are or how they relate to us is not the problem but the problem is that their goodness hides behind these over expressive attitudes and becomes extinct in wake of such behavior which is so frequent and predictable that none can expect anything else other than what they actually do everyday.

And Since this becomes the routine, it gets much harder to change or break such attitudes that stem from problems itself, because every kind of problematic attitude has origin that was first limited to that person and gradually spreads around as attitudinal problem that was formed to overcome the problem but happens to become more complicated. Such people are then stereotyped and named and the same notions are passed on to others even the new members who come in to their contact.

Everything that was positive or could be positive or explored positive fades out and even deteriorates with time. It is very important to prick the attitudinal balloon right away at the right time before it inflates and spreads and start acquiring space. The task is pretty hard and gigantic but still some can lead to make efforts in the right direction with right attitude. It really pains me a lot when the person is prejudged for his/her behavior on the basis of observation or the information provided by others around them.

So it becomes relevant in view of the above consequences to bring change among the people in question who may not readily agree to accept the harshness they carry in their attitude or that something they do affects the mental setup of the other people around them.  And thus it becomes next to impossible that anyone can bring change to them, for if we begin to try they might never agree to it and will investigate about the source of positivity that is coming from me or you for that matter.

But we cannot cease to look for change and bring out the goodness in them even if they abhor us for doing so. Because even we are not complete perfectionist or having really really good behavior, we have our fair share of mistakes and problems that we carry along and so it becomes difficult.

Its only if we can create a balance and complete positive outlook about ourselves first even if we are ignored, deprived, or  hated for some period but then if we keep gauging and encouraging the other person’s goodness to bring it out more in conversations and actions in front of the other people as well and get it all reinforced from others too, we can very well change the problematic attitude.

 

My Darling 498 a

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अकेला क्या दुखी कम था “मैं”
जो जुड़ी मुझसे एक और “मैं”Image
“मैं” कहाँ अब बन गया था “तू”
और इस “तू – मैं” में मिला ना कोई क्लू

जिसके ख्वाब देखे सपने सजाये
वो मेरे दर पर दरोगा साहब को ले आए
कभी जो कहती थी “डार्लिंग” प्यार से
अब बदला लिवा रही है वो मार-धाड़ से

दुखी, बेमन, बोझिल अंतरमन को संभाले
रिश्तों का उलझता ताना बना सुलझाते
थक चूका हूँ मैं अब इस बर्बादी से 
तौबा करता हूँ मैं इस शादी से

बनाकर लाया था जिसको मेरे घर की लक्ष्मी
अब डालेगी डकैती बनकर कुलक्ष्मी
कहाँ छुटकर जाऊं इस कोर्ट कचहरी से
लाइलाज बन चुकी हैं बीमारी अब 498 a 

कोई समझाए मेरी प्राणप्रिय धरमपत्नी को
क्यों मेरे प्राणों की प्यासी बन चुकी हैं वो 

सोचता हूँ क्यूँ कहा था कभी मैंने उसे ऐसा
की डार्लिंग क्यूँ खर्चती हो इतना सारा पैसा ?
मेरी आमंदनी  है अट्ठन्नी और तुम खर्चती हो रुपईय्या 
इतना कहने पर ही तुमने डूबा दी मेरे अरमानो की नईय्या
 

जो ना किया सितम उसपर तो मिली सज़ा फिर क्यूँ
“आप”,” तुम” कहते करते कब बन गया ” मैं” से “तू” 

मुझे फूलों की माला पहनाने वाली, मेरे जीवन का प्यार
बना गयी 498a ,dv, crpc 125 अब मेरे जीवन का सार

क्यूँ जानकार सब बनती हैं अनजान
मुझसे ज्यादा तुझे है सच्चे इंसान की पहचान 

Life is to Live it, Not Leave it !

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This is the best song i remember every time i feel that i should run away from life and become an ascetic , thinking that it would end all my problems and fears .
And Every time i watch this and understand the meaning of the lyrics i regain hold of life and thank god to give me this wonderful blessing that i can enjoy making my own choices .

Sansar Se Bhage Phirte Ho Lyrics and Translation

sa.nsaar se bhaage phirte ho, bhagvaan ko tum kyaa paaoge?
As you flee from society, how will you find God?

is lok ko apnaa na sake, us lok me.n bhii pachataaoge.
You didn’t consider this world as your own, and you will repent it in that world.

ye paap hai.n kyaa, ye punya hai.n kyaa? riito.n par dharm kii mohare hai.n
What is sin and what is virtue? Religion uses such traditions as mere facades.

har yug me.n badalte dharmo.n ko kaise aadarsh banaaoge?
How will you idealize the changing religions of every age?

yeh bhog bhii ek tapsaya hai, tum tyaag ke maare kyaa jaano?
This suffering is also a form of penance; what would you know, you renunciation-stricken fool?

apaman rachetaa kaa hogaa, rachnaa ko agar Thukraaoge.
It will be an insult to the Creator himself, if you reject the act of creation.

ham kahte hai.n yah jag apnaa hai, tum kahte ho jhuuTha sapna hai.
I claim that this world is mine; however, you consider it a false dream.

ham janam bitaa kar jaaye.nge, tum janam gavaa kar jaaoge.
I will live life to the fullest, but you will waste yours in vain.

sa.nsaar se bhaage phirte ho, bhagvaan ko tum kyaa paaoge?
As you flee from society, how will you find God?