Tag Archives: pretend

He Broke his Laptop, To Break Free

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Yes ! this is what my Fiance did to his laptop quite literally, he broke the laptop into pieces in a fit of    anger and frustration because we had some dispute and it was carried out in a chat session and i came to know of the destruction only when he messaged me on my phone about what had happened. 

I was very unhappy and unstable, as i was apprehensive that now our relation would get sour because he would not be able to connect with the world outside nor would he be able to carry out his job search or any other things we usually do on the net be it for work or for personal reasons.

Think of the situation if your social account( Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, word press) had to be deleted for some reasons and when you know you can still have it despite of the moment that makes you do it, again it was your own choice, but think of it that, you did it , and you worry about your personal stuff that was gone and how much you wished to connect being a social person who loves to interact and connect and know about the world through virtual platform. But it disappears suddenly, when you were least prepared.

As i think about all these because you never know how deeply certain things are important for some people, you cannot know. And  thinking that id been the reason for all this, affected me more,and i thought that our relation would surely not work out in days to come, and things wont get back normal so soon, because right now there’s a terrible financial crunch that comes being unemployed and he needs something to freshen up i always think. 

Its hard to spend time doing things for someone who is out of job, the whole day you dont have any work and you look for things you could work and makes you feel content even if its job search doing it through the internet. I was afraid what would happen next. he is coping with this situation so well and he had this just one thing where he could share his thoughts through his blog http://arnabsinha.com/, but now he cannot even do that. 

I was running with all these thoughts and the phone rang it was him, and to my utmost surprise i heard him all the more relaxed, cool and stress free more than ever he was since the last years. he called me up to say that he was actually feeling nice, So “FREE” and so happy to get rid of that laptop . He said he got all the more time to read books ( Hard Copy), go out for jogging, spend time with his friend, call up the other people on phone, write down his diary, come out with novel ideas for business, evolve strategy’s for getting jobs, and what not, he talked endless about what all he could do in absence of his laptop.

Again i thought this unbelievable, because if i had broken my laptop i would have been crying for months and months till i got a new one but still i would have been unhappy for all the personal data pics and other things i would have lost in because of destruction.  

I still cannot digest the fact that how can anyone live without his laptop and having lost all the great stuff begins to feel richly, being out of touch with people and information for so long time and moreover he moves care free as if nothing had happened and he had lost almost nothing. the laptop was so insignificant, in a situation where he knows he cannot have it till the times he has a job and that too after his salary only he can buy a new one.

And i know he doesn’t pretend or show things, he is very straight forward and hides nothing about his feelings and emotions and always speaks the truth from the bottom of his heart. he is such a guy who never had a girlfriend, not even spoke to a woman in his 30 years of life, and as i say this and i can give it to you in writing also . For in the world today i cannot believe someone not having the girl or boy connection in any point of life. 

I believe that he has gone a level up in his search for spirituality after destroying the connection with the virtual world and the day is not far when he will break his phone too and become a complete sadhu who can live peacefully without these essentials that we think as another necessities after food, home and clothes.

Sometimes i  think that if i never had any of those gadgets in my life, i could be more free and will have more, much more, time  to cook, play with my niece  read more books, spend more time with my grandmother, do more chores, take up study courses, exercise everyday, write my diary,forget to care about my looks, live a stress free life, not care about my ex profile, get rid of seeing my glamorous friends everyday with their new pics, no news about friends getting married, seeing their pics of exotic honeymoon destinations, all the more i could do i think but, then this ‘but’ comes in between, and i think about all the changes that has been brought about by these gadgets in my life that cant be ignored.

It takes a lot of courage today to get outside the virtual world to afford a carefree life and being consistent with your consciousness, that should not interfere with thoughts that attracts you towards them. And am proud and happy that my love was able to break this and get out soon to enrich his life with spiritual encounters. 

 

Life is Greater Than Problems .

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A few years back i always thought about getting married and how beautiful the life will be like every girl would have thought , to go places,  to see the world , to hold hands, to eat good food , to wear the most fashionable clothes on honeymoon, to love and hug and get love and hugs 24 /7 and forever and ever. I too had such beautiful and exciting thoughts about getting married.

And i did get married and all wasn’t beautiful as it looked like in my case, because i had this picture in my mind that did not fitted well when i saw the other couples and heard their stories of romance and love making and how beautiful it was all in the arranged setup . I still managed for a good time but had to separate soon as things went ugly to awry and so it had to happen because after giving your extreme self to the other, there come’s a time when you have to realize that the heart that beats inside your body is the sound of your soul that wishes to live .

One has to believe that this life is not your or mine or anyone else’s for whom you need to sacrifice not even for your own miseries you dont have to die unless your time comes till that moment you should live with all its struggles, sufferings , good , bad, pain, sorrow, happiness, love etc.  I too had my moments where i thought everything is shattered, am in ruins and other stuff about thoughts to die and live no longer, and the best part i was encouraged even more to succumb to my thoughts passively by some people. But i never took the extreme i always prolonged that period of pain further than to fall apart.

I’ve learned and matured in my thoughts and to this day my problems and life struggles haven’t ended, and i have experimented with these feelings that how the other person lives well and am still in troubles, i have thought a way out for this too, i think i haven’t seen this person’s complete life what is there in his/her life , how bad or good his time will be or how he she would suffer or die i do not know, so would i still be willing to compare or desire his/her life or even exchange it . No ,not for once i hold my karma and my consequences as my own and i would never wish to change it with anyone else’s .

Believe you me even today after all that i still struggle and there’s so much in my life that needs to be well placed. After separation i lived quite peacefully and met a good person on a legal portal,  he too is separated and still struggling a lot without a job and money, and its been like this since the last 2 years and more, we have been with each other in rough times and holding each other, where we have least hopes for our marriage or a comfortable life in future, we shall have to do a lot to make ends meet. But we are not afraid to do that even because we will be together is what we care for.

Had it been like this, that only we two were concerned forever it could be easier but then, the sad part is the mix of two families our well settled wealthy relatives and friends who lead life of luxuries always keep asking about when, where,  how, why and what of our life’s, thank god i have got so much strength and courage to put a really great shape and face in front of them and even for him, we dont open up easily. I keep assuring  everyone about our future and we shall live good and he will get a job soon he is trying hard.

We have never given up on hope , to live a positive life with good thoughts , we struggle and cherish this period of struggle because we know we have met each other that was the best thing that could happen to us, we cry one hour but feel OK the other hour. i dont know where this enormous strength has come to us that we have suffered so much, that we are toughened by these circumstances and we just hope and wait for our days to change and let the sun shine for us .

Whenever am in trouble and have depression like feelings i always think that at least am alive to correct it and life is much greater than the problems itself, so why t worry as this period will go away , maybe it becomes a long period end-up in years but still it will end someday, it cannot remain forever. And believe its encouraging to think that you live good to change things , think of other things where you are killed by some mad person or die in a freak accident , its best that god has given you this chance and you are alive and able to transform the bad to good.

No wonder life is full of phases of good and bad but its best to endure in that time it can last for years and years but you still need to put up a smiling face before the society and friends so that they cannot know what you face, as only a percent of people will understand you and you never know which percent is that. So its best to keep your life and struggles to yourself it gives you courage strength and wisdom to continue and grow in life.