What is the first thing that comes to your mind on hearing this word Marriage ?
Probably joy, elation, feelings of attachment to someone who would be there every time and everyday with you and is meant just for you, with the one you’ll rise every morning and go to bed every night, with whom you can share everything about your world and that is in your world which become our world .
Again the above thoughts are restricted for the first timers, i hope i make myself clear when i say this because it aches me to write an explanation for what i actually mean by first timers , or the fresh ones. Actually I don’t want to get acknowledged each day or to remind even you that its another one or am the second timer and i have no such thoughts as i expressed above.
The definition or the contributing thoughts that surround this word marriage for me now have changed immensely and its nothing like sharing – caring or great honeymoons or candle light dinners anymore .
I feel that the actual realization that has happened to me now should happen to everyone, the first or the second timers that is marriage is not only about the display of what ‘I’ feel so that the other spouse whose ‘I” is less than mine should fulfill all the desires i have leaving himself or herself behind where gradually with time ‘I’ grows and monotony sets in for the other and conflicts happen where the other feels left out as his/her desires remain unfulfilled and even unexplored. therefore there should be continuous effort to explore the ‘we’ desires more and give space to fulfill the ‘I’ desires alone all by yourself unburdening the other for their fulfillment.
I think marriage is more about giving solutions rather than understanding the problems of the relationship, we often develop our reactions on pre assumptions, stereotypical thoughts about the other as we always think that “I KNOW him or her so its nothing different today”, emotional assessment of the situation how it affected me , ego outbursts, etc. when there’s some issue or conflict we are tangled in the problem so much that we only understand the problem and forget about the solution or the other things to weigh and value ‘my’ emotional hurt and my suffering much more than the problem, leaving no space for the solution . So its actually creating more problem , one must remain conscious to find solutions of the problem rather accumulating more of it.
I feel that when you are in a relationship or married it is important to always be aware of emotions that lead to major disasters, because it always happens that “I’ was hurt, my feelings were hurt, i wasn’t cared for, i was left alone, i was cheated, i was ignored all these feelings are natural and may or may not be caused by the other, so its always important to inquire that is it actually caused by the other,or if its exaggerated, or how intense are these feelings, do you encourage them more. one must ascertain all these factors before breaking out from home or breaking the relationship.
marriage is about two people coming together to share their lives so its always important for the two of them to keep others at bay even their own family, friends and relatives when things concerned with their relationship are at stake, for that reason no decisions should be left to either of family members as it should done by the mutual agreement of the two and the couple must see that they are not intensely guided or lead by their families so much that it leads to conflicts and disagreement among them, after all its them who are in the middle of everything and its their life and nothing should affect or come in between their relationship to destroy their harmony.So a married couple should know who should they follow and lead by and remain conscious in their decisions and life roles.
The intention and thinking matters as much as the responsibilities and freedom in the marriage, where everyone has some prerequisite information that there are certain things which need to be followed in a marriage, some responsibilities and that there has to be equal space and freedom too even when all things are ‘meant’ to be shared, these are well common notions that everyone knows, but what I stress more upon, is the ‘Intention’ that goes into marriage when issues arise, in case of “what ifs” like the other doesn’t fulfill the responsibilities or the other requires more space and time alone , gives priority to his/her career or goals more than ‘me’ or ‘my home’ or ‘my family’, in such cases disputes happen, so its important to eliminate these disputes by disclosing your intentions to continue with the marriage and relation no matter what happens , to reassure the other about your thinking and that these issues are very temporary and the factors harming the other are merely pretending to do so because the actual mindset with which you are into this marriage is only the truth that the other must know rest is fake and sublime.
A couple in the marriage or relationship must stand with each other in every problem or distress and must support each other with everything, for marriage is not only joy-some togetherness rather its assimilation and accommodation of both the worlds that come in form of two human beings to come together to be identified as one whole .
Yes ! this is what my Fiance did to his laptop quite literally, he broke the laptop into pieces in a fit of anger and frustration because we had some dispute and it was carried out in a chat session and i came to know of the destruction only when he messaged me on my phone about what had happened.
I was very unhappy and unstable, as i was apprehensive that now our relation would get sour because he would not be able to connect with the world outside nor would he be able to carry out his job search or any other things we usually do on the net be it for work or for personal reasons.
Think of the situation if your social account( Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, word press) had to be deleted for some reasons and when you know you can still have it despite of the moment that makes you do it, again it was your own choice, but think of it that, you did it , and you worry about your personal stuff that was gone and how much you wished to connect being a social person who loves to interact and connect and know about the world through virtual platform. But it disappears suddenly, when you were least prepared.
As i think about all these because you never know how deeply certain things are important for some people, you cannot know. And thinking that id been the reason for all this, affected me more,and i thought that our relation would surely not work out in days to come, and things wont get back normal so soon, because right now there’s a terrible financial crunch that comes being unemployed and he needs something to freshen up i always think.
Its hard to spend time doing things for someone who is out of job, the whole day you dont have any work and you look for things you could work and makes you feel content even if its job search doing it through the internet. I was afraid what would happen next. he is coping with this situation so well and he had this just one thing where he could share his thoughts through his blog http://arnabsinha.com/, but now he cannot even do that.
I was running with all these thoughts and the phone rang it was him, and to my utmost surprise i heard him all the more relaxed, cool and stress free more than ever he was since the last years. he called me up to say that he was actually feeling nice, So “FREE” and so happy to get rid of that laptop . He said he got all the more time to read books ( Hard Copy), go out for jogging, spend time with his friend, call up the other people on phone, write down his diary, come out with novel ideas for business, evolve strategy’s for getting jobs, and what not, he talked endless about what all he could do in absence of his laptop.
Again i thought this unbelievable, because if i had broken my laptop i would have been crying for months and months till i got a new one but still i would have been unhappy for all the personal data pics and other things i would have lost in because of destruction.
I still cannot digest the fact that how can anyone live without his laptop and having lost all the great stuff begins to feel richly, being out of touch with people and information for so long time and moreover he moves care free as if nothing had happened and he had lost almost nothing. the laptop was so insignificant, in a situation where he knows he cannot have it till the times he has a job and that too after his salary only he can buy a new one.
And i know he doesn’t pretend or show things, he is very straight forward and hides nothing about his feelings and emotions and always speaks the truth from the bottom of his heart. he is such a guy who never had a girlfriend, not even spoke to a woman in his 30 years of life, and as i say this and i can give it to you in writing also . For in the world today i cannot believe someone not having the girl or boy connection in any point of life.
I believe that he has gone a level up in his search for spirituality after destroying the connection with the virtual world and the day is not far when he will break his phone too and become a complete sadhu who can live peacefully without these essentials that we think as another necessities after food, home and clothes.
Sometimes i think that if i never had any of those gadgets in my life, i could be more free and will have more, much more, time to cook, play with my niece read more books, spend more time with my grandmother, do more chores, take up study courses, exercise everyday, write my diary,forget to care about my looks, live a stress free life, not care about my ex profile, get rid of seeing my glamorous friends everyday with their new pics, no news about friends getting married, seeing their pics of exotic honeymoon destinations, all the more i could do i think but, then this ‘but’ comes in between, and i think about all the changes that has been brought about by these gadgets in my life that cant be ignored.
It takes a lot of courage today to get outside the virtual world to afford a carefree life and being consistent with your consciousness, that should not interfere with thoughts that attracts you towards them. And am proud and happy that my love was able to break this and get out soon to enrich his life with spiritual encounters.
What Nostradamus Says Will happen Next ..man shall become a man-eater !
And that day is not too far, as we all see and witness the truth where the skies wont fall nor the earth will tear apart to end the mankind . But the mankind alone will be victim of their own vice and evil that would end their existence forever.
In the wake of so many unfolding events that have shaped the face of this earth that looks more cruel and devilish, there is hardly any hopes left for other generations.
We have progressed remarkably in terms of technological growth and made our lives utmost pleasant be it homes or at workplace, with the spurt of information and technological advancement in every forte is believable in fact, but the truth remains unseen, that we have forgot to change our mindset which still hasn’t progressed much.
Still many sections of our society and many people at individual level have not embraced the newness as for them being progressive and following the revolution is still a distant concept, which they do not wish to live or realize.
This happens because on one hand there is a section of people who are in the mainstream, running, progressing and moving up the ladder of change and live an enriching life with global experiences, while on the other hand we have a section of people who are trapped in their own thoughts, contemplating their own ideas and crave to match those with the ones who are in the mainstream .
The people who are either forced to step back or who choose to live this way tend to find themselves a midst happening things which they are not able to comprehend or cope with, in such situations they feel stifled as soon they realize that how far behind they are left in the mad race, and as soon they come to terms with this reality they try hard to make things even for them.
Some people who are kind enough follow the nice route like working hard, or doing more struggles or starting things with a scratch to reach or match to, and for the others its a mad race to win and they find the ugliest route possible to match or reach up, to feel that they are no less than those they envy .
Now the behavioral actions that these people take up is beyond extreme and in some cases shall be termed as inhuman as they turn to harm those people with whom they envy or wish to even up and no other way can they see lest to end the competition than the race itself, no more they shall have to worry about follow ups or running anymore and this is how they end things and win it over.
The world still does not wait or stop to see where things go bad or why do they actually happen the way it shouldn’t have been, but then we all think alike that unless it happens to us we are least bothered about escalating the issue and even if we think about it at the ground level by doing some basic research that it was all the work of a mad man’s unfulfilled desires, we learn to tolerate and become patient with it with time, because there is law, there is a system and there is humanity that we follow being Educated Reformists.
Do we ever think that, we need to look into the human mind, the people on streets the people whom we left behind, so that they do not come in front of us, all of a sudden to question or answer it with a kill, we must reflect into their psychology before the world ends for us or they end the world for us.
The atrocious killings of humans during war, hate crimes, massacres ,mass shooting, rapes, physical or mental torture, brutality meted out to innocent people and all this is happening even right now during this moment while i write this blog . This world is on the brink of collapsing where there would be no space for the people to run or cherish anymore, for there is so much of evil taking rounds and people are day by day becoming more individualistic, practical, selfish , self centered and running .
Its time we should see what we do and turn the pages of other people’s lives because criminals or people who hate us are among ourselves and we must identify and help them to help avert such fateful events that have already happened in past and quite recently. its time we should acknowledge that technology alone cannot help us to live in peace and survive rather the humans are capable enough to help survive and live in peace .
We can do without progress, revolution, technology and other things that make our life great in times today, but we cannot do without peace and ability to survive, we are constantly living in the age where our survival is under threat.
Hope is a beautiful thing, it encourages and inspires the imagination within you to see and dream all good that should happen in your life. it gives you the wings to keep faith alive and your spirits high even after seeing and going through all darkness in life events, one feels good again that one day, there will be light.
Dreams and imagination see no bounds, no borders or boundaries, they jump, leap and bounce over, go ahead to keep moving, all this happens to keep you alive and happy.
Imagination holds such richness that embodies and bold ens the realms of the inner self that dances freely as if no one sees, and really none can see what you imagine with eyes open or closed.
Isn’t it a beautiful thing that nourishes and encourages you within yourself without the help of anyone else, you help yourself have the innate inbuilt strength to pick up the broken pieces that you fix and fit in your imaginative thoughts. It empowers and strengthens the pure self leaving the ego aside .
The self is cherished where, you be how you want and what you want to be like, the way you see yourself midst different situations and how you feel at peace and comfort with those fragments of glorious thoughts that brightens you with peaceful smiles and contentment that everything is good about life and for that moment there’s nothing you need to worry about.
The imagination holds the key to keep living life consistently, because if it were not like this then there would have been numerous attempts of suicides and depression cases around the world and no wonder whole of the planet would have been filled with people with pessimists and negative thoughts and attitudes. Imagination helps to counter the weak and bleak spots of life that ruins and disintegrates a persons inner mental set.
Imagination helps and gives the fresh appeal to the mind that lifts you up from the sad real situation and lets you dwell in the situations that you find in goodness and love or even the situations that make you feel good and loved. it helps to change and reset the past and make it happen as you want it to be, where you feel right about what you could do consciously.
Conscious efforts in thoughts helps you to be at peace where you are able to do the right things at right time and you feel great for having the positiveness reconnected to your soul where it lets you to reflect upon the divinity that resides within you.
Imagination is a cure arranged by god within our mental frame that helps us to relive life after every bad so that we do not succumb to life situations and keep living with hope and faith that only comes through Imagining about great things that should happen to us in life.
So keep that imagination going on, for every thing you desire starts with your own imagination.
No person or object can define your life, its up to you if you make them your life or your life is your own.
It is not about people and objects in life that can make you happy , its always about the things beyond these two, that helps you build your goals. A human being can never find inner peace and happiness in objects and people, it never comes or goes along with us. the more we learn to depend and depend to learn from these the more vicious it becomes, and hard to break free.
the objectives of ones life should be conscious chosen and accepted and made part of everyday living , its not a thing of a day or a two. it needs to be practiced and believed to be followed religiously. The mistake happens when our life goes around a person and comes back on searching for some other person on whom we can depend and accommodates our existence. similarly happens with the objects that goes apart and another becomes a part.
To break this one needs to look beyond people and objects as the measure for their existence , to make self realizing goal, that originate within and functions only with your self in completeness of your soul and body alone. the more we seek some important and concrete goals as these we will find that the journey in pursuit of such goals will be highly self realizing and a conscious effort from your own to be happy and consistent with your own life. a self fulfilling and self enlightening path for your life is best when its not dependent on anyone or anything.
Emotions are the significant part of our very being or existence, we are thought inhuman less of our emotions.
But are those emotions so important, to let them rule our life ?
Many a times we stop doing things we like to do the most,like listening, viewing, blogging, surfing and much more. why, we dont exactly want to do anything that might make us happy and why is it that we wish to be with the same state of emotions that makes us unhappy, moody, irritable, and depressed for a long time.
we may do so because nothing around is much attractive or fun its all the same, monotony the routine, nothing unique about it that may influence us or distracts our emotional state. In such state of mind and moods we do not love to meet, talk or be with anyone nor do we wish that anyone should come to alleviate the pain but our inner desire is that someone comes around who can listen and empathize with us.
Unfortunately people are great advisers than listeners today, and since we have learned the bitter truth since our own evolution we no longer crave for attention from others anymore. which is why we love to keep on dwelling with our pain . which is indeed a good thing where we introspect our own self with its, emotions, thoughts, mistakes, griefs, guilt, pain, stress, hate, love, etc.
The focus is to keep dwelling in pain, is the feeling where one does it quite patiently to realize that, let the pain happen, give it space to feel free and let it open, and then separate it from your own being to understand the reasons of it alone, its finding your pain, through your thoughts and not through your own being. If am in some stress today i must find the cause and see it as temporary , it can never be a part of me for the whole life . the whole is my being my entity which i separate form the pain i have today .
This separation of emotions is the only thing that can let you live years of life in contentment and peace. You can practice separating them by being conscious of your self in thoughts, decisions, behavior in form of actions and also the surroundings where people and things may affect you. Every time you are taken over by your emotions just be alert and conscious about the thoughts that run into your mind and what it triggers you to do next.
As soon we are aware and alert we can exercise control over our emotions. This control over the emotions can make our life better and full of peace .
Just look at this wonderful Picture of the Great Gautam Buddha sitting under the Bodhi tree deeply meditating, where nothing almost nothing in the world has the power enough to distract him, be it the beauty or the beast. There’s nothing that can disturb his peace with his innermost self , break his meditation and destroy his Conscious state of Enlightenment.
No doubt its almost unbelievable to achieve that state of Consciousness as its very tough and even harder in times today where there is complete struggle to earn your bread and butter after which there is a mad rush to fulfill those endless pursuits of success, praise, fame and most importantly good money. In a nutshell its the materialistic world that attracts us, as its said “Evil is attractive” that shifts us away from going after more simpler and spiritual life experiences.
Its unbelievable to attain such enlightenment and peace, but its not Impossible too , it would be a great achievement if we are able to attain even a fragment of this inner consciousness through Meditation that leads to Self control and an Enlightened soul within us.
The road to Self Control is through Regular practice of Meditation, that one can do every day for around 15 to 20 minutes, where you sit in a quiet place anywhere in your room, porch, garden, park or any place you feel you can be with your self alone for a brief time period. I can also understand that you may be running in the morning for office, work or house chores but you must find time for your own self , to heal your mind, body and spirit in a true sense .
And if you are able to make enough space for yourself in a day then the next ordeal is to filter your thoughts, where daily errands may be jumping, running, disturbing and buzzing in your mind where you think after this, i have to check mail, cook meal, dress the kids, go to the gym, complete office work and much much more, it doesn’t stop even if you close your eyes from the outside world and think now it is disconnected , its actually not, the thoughts are still there in you and this is where you have to work upon to get rid of those thoughts.
Just believe that this time is for you, your peace your connection with your self , you have this appointment specially with you and nothing or no one is as important today other than you.
When you Close these Eyes, it means you close yourself from this world outside and do not let thoughts related to world outside bother you, am not saying be thoughtless as the mind can never be without thoughts rather concentrate on your breathing , where you inhale and exhale, and observe your thoughts if any and one by one let go of them as they eat up your energy and willingness to concentrate . but in case if they still persist then chant a mantra like “Om Namah Shivaya” as the mantra saves you from other thoughts that deplete your energy.
As you practice you may gradually see that the distracting thoughts will subside and only the breathing that you do or the mantra that you chant exists and all other things cease to happen, then is the state where you experience a complete feeling of bliss and contentment. Stay in that state for a while and experience the peace and relaxation of that mental state.
Though this is the first time for many, but it surely is powerful enough to bring you back again as you cherish peace and inner happiness of all day long. And it can be hard to sit first time,but dont force yourself , as you are doing this for yourself and not for others, so it doesn’t have to be a stressful activity. With daily practice and time you may give you will gain more power and will be able to sit for longer periods of time and even reflect more deeply in levels that you attain with time.
Meditation benefits you a lot :
Meditation helps in overall relaxation of mind where your thoughts are pure , wise and free from negativity. It also improves your will power where you refine your inner strengths and beliefs that helps you surround with positivism and goodness .
Meditation brings Self Control in a person’s life which enhances the skills to supervise and regulate the behavior where you may get a sense of power to curb immediate urge for gratification of needs, which may harm your well being or of the others around you, it helps in exercising restraint as an when needed in a well balanced way that does not affect you even when those needs are not fulfilled.
Self Control is a very important facet of life skills, one should practice, in order to maintain a healthy and peaceful life. we often get influenced by beauty, tastes, luxuries, riches, fame, money etc. and even provoked by situation or people who may insult, anger, discourage, or disturb us in some way or the other. In such events we may not be able to exercise Control over our emotions and express them which may be taken by others in a negative way.
And this is why its best to exercise self control that will only come through Meditation, it has a wide variety of positive effects in your life where you will improve your relationships, make better decisions, increase your concentration and attention span, think rationally and logically.
It will even help you to choose to be at peace, instead of being part of negative gossips, office politics, back bitching etc. It helps you to rise above all odds where you would not be disturbed by negative people or situations around you and always be Conscious of your self that will take you one level higher than others which is the ultimate goal of your existence and leads to enlightenment of the inner self.
Happy Diwali to Everyone !
As i have started my word press blog on this great festival night of Diwali, i could not resist greeting everyone who stumbles upon my blog, be it anyone from any race, culture or religion, the festive spirit in me puts my heart out to reach everyone to wish them with warm feelings .
May this Diwali and coming year be the harbinger of health, harmony, and prosperity for you and your loved ones and may Lord bestow his blessings so that you have motivation and strength to begin and achieve your goals.