Tag Archives: knowledge.

Feeling Lonely or Alone

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Image courtesy of jesadaphorn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I was all happy and glee after i got married and settled with my hubby separately and away from my mum’s home that always bustled with the energy of my niece and nephew, And where work began before morning and i could never exactly figure out when will i end up in bed maybe past midnight or even more.

So suddenly i was all the more happy thinking now there’s no work and i can sleep, eat and freak at my own will but then came the loneliness, i could feel it even more because i have never been accustomed to living alone , i was always surrounded by people since school, college, work , home and i never felt like living without people was so difficult.

Because when i was living with them, all my life i felt like breaking away from them and taking sanyas and spending few years of my life alone before i get married and maybe not. I thought this many a times in my life because living in a family is not only the place where your parents, siblings and juniors influence you but also your immediate neighbors, relatives and even colleagues interfere a lot with your daily work and bread.

And so i waited and waited for my marriage to happen, the day ill be free to go on a living spree !

At first it looked nice and fresh since the honeymoon period was going on and all you think about is love and making love to my hubby. Then as the days go by i could feel an urge to go out and find work since i had left my job after marriage and moved to another city with him.

I kept exploring all possible options since working in a new place isn’t easy and there were language and cultural barriers, so i gave up looking for job and instead focused on myself thinking after all i had worked so much i must relax and enjoy doing nothing.

Days became months and months became a year, and this feeling of being alone even when we are both present hasn’t changed a bit, i wonder how do the other couples manage to live alone.I often convey my hubby about the random thoughts that cross my minds to alleviate these feelings of loneliness in me, like we must get his parents here to live with us, or that i will have at least 4 kids so that my home is always filled with noise and i keep watching little people crawling around .

He looks so much amused hearing all this but never denies me for doing anything even bringing my stupidest thoughts to reality and conforming them that they will be done.

All this and more hasn’t helped me a lot, this inner craving for people around has made me cry a lot and feel sad every time my parents, brother’s family and in laws visit me and come here to live with us for few days.

Their short duration visit’s make me even more vulnerable, i feel depressed and just cannot live alone and it get’s worse when my hubby has a tour which is for 2 or 5 days, i panic out and buy tickets immediately for home since i just cannot live by myself.

I don’t know why it happens but this need for attachment makes me weak and vulnerable, I am aware of my abilities and think am too strong to live alone and even handle everything in life ever since childhood since i have been brought up like that only, but what has happened now, something has changed in me and i cannot figure out what it is.

There’s nothing wrong externally, but everything that is wrong is internal, i have realized that soon after am left alone, when hubby goes to office or some tour my mind jumps around over the thoughts wagon and it turns on the sad mode where i think that now am alone, what next, what next, it goes around exploring bringing files and folders from past, when i was home around with everyone and how many times in my present home i felt elated to see my little nephew crawling around and how we all slept on the floor together over the mattresses in one room chatting all night.

It doesn’t stop anywhere it goes on and on, oscillating from one memory to another, all related to my being surrounded by people and constantly poking my conscious about the happiness factor that only happens when am with those people.

Now this has to stop, i cannot stop my thoughts though i can control them to some limits where i can consciously and deliberately attempt not to think about that at all and focus on the present moment like i now practice looking at the trees from my balcony ,read a book, focus on some TV serials, prioritize my thoughts and randomly select the ones that suits my present moment and upon the availability of the factors that will contribute and enhance them .

In totality the onus of changing thoughts is upon us, I am now aware that if you let these thoughts acquire you even starting from a single one, it will start a chain reaction and then you will be completely submerged into the sea of thoughts where it will become more difficult and harder to get out dry and alive. The thing is not to let even the slightest single thought affect or get onto you.

This way a lot of everyday problems can be handled, the feeling of loneliness or being alone is just one of them . Every problem is internally located somewhere in our mind, we have to deliberately find and fix the thoughts first its like debugging, to find and delete all the bad files first that corrupt the hardware that is our mind.

 

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Krishna : Man for Every Yuga

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Krishna and Radha with gopiyas.

 

I was reading this book by Osho, that my fiance mailed me to read, where he talks about the significance teaching and philosophy given by Krishna.

So far i have read only 8 pages and am thankful to him for the great book.

Osho is a magnanimous being , he cannot be touched , talked or thought about casually just like Buddha, Krishna and Shiva for his knowledge and enlightened ness.  He speaks about Krishna is a man meant to be understood and his philosophies and lessons should be understood and applied by all. But its unfortunate on our part that we can never understand and realize that Krishna is man for all seasons and yuga’s , and we till today haven not been able to understand the true meaning and essence of his teaching in the Geeta and Bhagwad.

Osho has been true in saying that we only differentiate and adapt to him at our own level where Krishna in Bhagwad is dancing and singing whereas Krishna in Geeta is talking about Dharma, Karma and significance of war. If we believe in good ness and gaiety in life we will bound to agree with the Krishna in Bhagwad and understand him at our own level again overlooking his totality where he dances and sing s with women and conveys that Body and soul is one and sex can only lead to celibacy not the suppression of any feelings of the soul or body.

on the other hand In geeta he aptly conveys how the war of Mahabharata , and restoration of dharma is the karma and must be followed as it is. He talks about violence and non violence as two sides of the same coin and that thinking about violence is when someone thinks he can kill its materialistic, and the one who thinks he will practice non violence and would not kill anyone is also a materialist . And one thing is common among the violence and non violence believers that “someone can be killed” therefore Krishna rejects both and accepts the immortality of the soul where life and death is materialistic and nothing lives or dies.

This thought above is very spiritual but an eye opener to believe in Krishna and the lesson he wishes to give  us , though we are least ready to understand or accept, forget adopting to it. Spirituality accepts wholeness of life it accepts everything be it love, sex, war , devotion or any other thing.

It is relevant because this age is age of lies, suppression, competition, repression, struggle and suffering and a never ending fight , which is why today the study of Krishna’s teachings become more important as he shows us the way to play our part in this life leela (play )where its only a role we must understand and that we must overcome and stand above this role to conquer these inimical forces that influence us.

The best part osho explains about Krishna is the topic that we are deprived, devoid, suppressed, and asked to repress all out lives which is sex. He has rightly explored the theme and made it understandable for us to know that we must be familiar and make friends with sex not look at it as our enemy, the logic behind this is that we cannot understand our enemies but we can understand our friends very well and have scope to change them, this is true and can be explored further because many of us suppress our urges and carnal instincts, the more we put them back the more we think about them. the more we think the more we are distracted , and again its a wide spread theme to think of it a sin and thus thought in the same way since we were adolescents .

Krishna is the only one who has believed and accepted life in its totality , he never became a saint, lived in celibacy , he was god in true sense , a complete whole, a complete taker of life as it is. he never turned away from the miseries or suffering wars or violence good or evil , he took it as it was and gave the most unimaginable ways to conquer over them and live through them .

And as we are..

we are born to be attracted by the things which are meant not to be disclosed , the opposite always attracts, but we fear so much about the other side that we always wish to cling to all the good things and do away with the bad , dark, evil, pain, etc. But we fail to realize that even this is part of our existence and we need to look into it deeply, and when we come across or face them we feel dilemma, pain, conflict and misery because we are not ready to give up on the pleasantness and goodness of life.

This is what Krishna wants us to do, to believe in whole life to accept the opposites and lead a true life not in fragments or portions where we accept one thing and deny the other rather we must learn to accept the other part as well.

Krishna has a remarkable brilliance and great relevance for every generation of any yuga. we must explore him greatly through his teachings and decipher the inner meaning rather than the outer words only through Bhaghwad or the geeta.