The Good News Syndrome

Oh Gosh am so tired of being asked this question so many times, its been only 6 month or so since i got married and there isn’t any one being who hasn’t asked me the million dollar question, Good News kab suna rahi hai, or good news kab degi ? ( when will you tell us about the good news or when are you going to give good news ) .

Am literally sick of the questions that make me feel that am guilty of not planning a baby or that we were using protection or just not wanting to have it right now, which is seriously not the case.

Why do people have to ask such things i can expect it from my relatives or family but why should my friends ask this, this totally unexpected from them .

Am always in favor of responding to people in a very polite and genuine way that we are ready to have a baby whenever it would happen by god’s will, when it has to happen, its not in my hands actually they must know.  

Then why is everybody after me, i can really not understand,  its like am the one who is responsible for not giving them the good news because they want to hear it .

More over if this doesn’t suffice, they ask me all sorts of questions that you must plan , have ,and consult gynecologist and so on , yes yes we will do that only if we see that, we have crossed our time or that its been 2 years of our marriage and still we haven’t have a baby , our marriage just got into 7th month and people are drooling over me like flies and it started in 2nd month only !

I don’t know why is everyone so worried even my good old “Educated” , “Modern” friends ask me this every time they call , and its making me become more patient, dealing with their queries, i keep giving them all sorts of answers thinking that one day they might stop asking , but no they are still going on pretty smooth.

I am just married and enjoying every bit of this moment and am even ready to get pregnant and be a mother, and am all prepared and geared up for whatever has to come to my life , But Let It Come , Let it Happen All by itself , why force it or pressurize it to happen.

This is the problem with our society even before you are born , problems exist in form of whether you arrive late or early and then when you arrive, problems related to gender, month, time and date in which you were born, after that if you are a boy what will you become engineer , doctor etc,

And god forbid if you are born a girl , your life, education, society, marriage, dowry, rape , everything related to your existence becomes the bone of contention for whole life .

Anyhow am not going away from my topic. I cannot understand why there’s so much fuss about the “good news”, its like people who ask me this, their life depends on my having a baby as if some thing good will only occur to them if i have a baby, and all this time they are expecting on my behalf !!!

When will they understand and let me be with my present, and let god decide everything rather than playing little God’s themselves. A baby is blessing of god who brings happiness that’s there to stay forever and that only happens when your time has come and when god decides for it to happen.

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Emotional Deprivation

After so much of planning, packing , travelling, searching and relocating , i have finally been able to connect with you all after such a long gap. Its been physically draining and exhausting journey that is yet to be completed.

My dearest Hubby has found this amazing new job that suits everything from his skills to bills, so that makes it more obvious that we have shifted from east to west of India, and all the household goods are still to come which makes everything appear to me as if we are living in a hostel sleeping on the floors with a thin mattress under a bed sheet and eating meals every day from outside. 

Wow ! But its fun that am off cooking for some days resting but still doing the chores like dusting and cleaning 🙂

In between all this hurry up , quick, no time, planning, writing, and travelling , i couldn’t find time to emotionally connect with my inner thoughts about leaving a place and leaving my mother and father in law back. It was all done up in 15 or 20 days time that hardly left any thoughts in me rather than a physically exhausted body that longed for rest.

Today i feel deprived of emotions that had to happen during a particular time and day but it couldn’t but yes i had tears in my eyes at the platform bidding adieu to my mother and father in law as they were the ones who will be most affected during our absence and same for me as i had one more mom with whom i shared my heart. I will miss her a lot .

And leaving kolkata, my favorite destination for the worlds best phuchka’s ( pani puri) around 20 to 25 in one go used to have them daily . oh they were so mwahhhhhhhh. will miss them too.

Its only now that am writing and remembering, what all i have left and will miss, my friend pooja and i missed meeting her son debu, he was sleeping i did not disturb and just met pooja and came back home . Ohh i should have hugged debu .

This will continue and will go on but life still moves on without pauses or full stops, having the time to acknowledge these things are more than enough but to get them right on time is a thing to be mastered and i need to practice it, to find time for emotions and letting them out even if am short of time.

 

The Stupid HaHaHa

I don’t understand why they do

but the way they do is terrible too

i move a word and simple it goes

haha response is their signature pose

is it for me or just everyone

that haha song they make me learn

am i too reserved or am i not stern

am i uneducated or that i don’t earn

all this and that, my friends don’t do

relatives of course, i wish could undo

their burlesque behavior and mockery,

could have learnt to react more properly

be it profane or just for some fun

murder once done can never be undone.

Secret worth a Stranger’s Trust

 

To people who you know not

You talk too much.

But the one’s close to you,

you keep a grudge.

It feels good to share,

secret worth a stranger’s trust.

To take levels up in friendship, 

rising from core to crust.

To realize someday,

Trust into ashes,  and secrets into dust.

You feel guilt then,

about what you’ve done,

To spend a word with me,

could have been more fun. 

 

Go Beyond Known

 

It happens so many times that we feel the need to go beyond, our friends or family to communicate or discuss about our personal views in the most unbiased manner as possible or just looking out for someone who knows us least and is less predictable when it comes to dealing with our emotions . unfortunately we fear and hold back.

Because its hard to break the routine, that we cling to our close and intimates as we have have deep connections with them and an infallible feeling of trust and dependence that we’ve been brought to think about since childhood and so does the experiences that corroborate with these thoughts that we often shun the idea to go explore the opportunities we could have in relationships that are beyond blood ties or the known.

Its almost unthinkable to think of relations beyond spouse, friends, or partners, that have legitimacy and acceptance from the society as its formed and been that ways ever since. so we fear disregard and disapproval from society and moreover the world today that going bizarre and evil in view if crimes etc.

The above is a cliche and will remain that ways forever, but we all feel the need to look beyond many a times, beyond the one who knows us with whom we could be our self and do not feel the need to pretend or portray a characteristic or personality that they can approve and accept of us. For its very rare that a person could accept you for what you are and not who you are.

The thoughts that randomly cross your heart and head, push to find some fragments of moments where they could be heard, unbiased, uninterrupted, unquestioned and never judged . It would be a great feeling and one can attribute this to the heavenly or the divine feeling.

This idea or imagination is no less than a reverie for me because it breaks the norm, i can lift this to the level that i often think, if i were to have more mother like figures with whom i could talk and link , its not about substituting or relating even its more like having someone outside an unknown person but still you can relate to them and attach to them in whatever way you feel like , giving them any name or any relation.

The perspective of relating to an unknown is also a conditioned aspect of life , because i have been conditioned to give relations in form of the ties or bonds i have with the known or unknown should be well defined because it helps me to draw the lengths or lines of attachment i can have with them.

Again its a barrier in going beyond the known, i want to break this conditioning too but it needs immense higher order thinking and knowing the truth, the enlightened being can do this , but if i were enlightened enough then would i need to go beyond in search for the other Person other than myself.

The higher order thoughts shall take time but what about the needs of the moment that is the need to talk, the way that am least choosy about what i have to say because its not what i have to say rather i say because the other listens and i speak for him/her, and not for me, so in a way we all speak for the others, our thoughts are for the others, do we have our OWN thoughts,  perhaps not because they go into the diary or blogs , they don’t come out in conversations.

So imagine if we could speak our heart and own our thoughts and be as much as our self then there’s nothing like it.

Its pretty hard to have our way among the known but we can take the leap and go beyond the unknown but then we have to be conscious and aware so that we are not manipulated or misused, and we can search till we find the unknown or if we still fear then lets find the unknown that lives within us in our body and forms our soul.

 

Krishna : Man for Every Yuga

Krishna and Radha with gopiyas.

 

I was reading this book by Osho, that my fiance mailed me to read, where he talks about the significance teaching and philosophy given by Krishna.

So far i have read only 8 pages and am thankful to him for the great book.

Osho is a magnanimous being , he cannot be touched , talked or thought about casually just like Buddha, Krishna and Shiva for his knowledge and enlightened ness.  He speaks about Krishna is a man meant to be understood and his philosophies and lessons should be understood and applied by all. But its unfortunate on our part that we can never understand and realize that Krishna is man for all seasons and yuga’s , and we till today haven not been able to understand the true meaning and essence of his teaching in the Geeta and Bhagwad.

Osho has been true in saying that we only differentiate and adapt to him at our own level where Krishna in Bhagwad is dancing and singing whereas Krishna in Geeta is talking about Dharma, Karma and significance of war. If we believe in good ness and gaiety in life we will bound to agree with the Krishna in Bhagwad and understand him at our own level again overlooking his totality where he dances and sing s with women and conveys that Body and soul is one and sex can only lead to celibacy not the suppression of any feelings of the soul or body.

on the other hand In geeta he aptly conveys how the war of Mahabharata , and restoration of dharma is the karma and must be followed as it is. He talks about violence and non violence as two sides of the same coin and that thinking about violence is when someone thinks he can kill its materialistic, and the one who thinks he will practice non violence and would not kill anyone is also a materialist . And one thing is common among the violence and non violence believers that “someone can be killed” therefore Krishna rejects both and accepts the immortality of the soul where life and death is materialistic and nothing lives or dies.

This thought above is very spiritual but an eye opener to believe in Krishna and the lesson he wishes to give  us , though we are least ready to understand or accept, forget adopting to it. Spirituality accepts wholeness of life it accepts everything be it love, sex, war , devotion or any other thing.

It is relevant because this age is age of lies, suppression, competition, repression, struggle and suffering and a never ending fight , which is why today the study of Krishna’s teachings become more important as he shows us the way to play our part in this life leela (play )where its only a role we must understand and that we must overcome and stand above this role to conquer these inimical forces that influence us.

The best part osho explains about Krishna is the topic that we are deprived, devoid, suppressed, and asked to repress all out lives which is sex. He has rightly explored the theme and made it understandable for us to know that we must be familiar and make friends with sex not look at it as our enemy, the logic behind this is that we cannot understand our enemies but we can understand our friends very well and have scope to change them, this is true and can be explored further because many of us suppress our urges and carnal instincts, the more we put them back the more we think about them. the more we think the more we are distracted , and again its a wide spread theme to think of it a sin and thus thought in the same way since we were adolescents .

Krishna is the only one who has believed and accepted life in its totality , he never became a saint, lived in celibacy , he was god in true sense , a complete whole, a complete taker of life as it is. he never turned away from the miseries or suffering wars or violence good or evil , he took it as it was and gave the most unimaginable ways to conquer over them and live through them .

And as we are..

we are born to be attracted by the things which are meant not to be disclosed , the opposite always attracts, but we fear so much about the other side that we always wish to cling to all the good things and do away with the bad , dark, evil, pain, etc. But we fail to realize that even this is part of our existence and we need to look into it deeply, and when we come across or face them we feel dilemma, pain, conflict and misery because we are not ready to give up on the pleasantness and goodness of life.

This is what Krishna wants us to do, to believe in whole life to accept the opposites and lead a true life not in fragments or portions where we accept one thing and deny the other rather we must learn to accept the other part as well.

Krishna has a remarkable brilliance and great relevance for every generation of any yuga. we must explore him greatly through his teachings and decipher the inner meaning rather than the outer words only through Bhaghwad or the geeta.