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I was all happy and glee after i got married and settled with my hubby separately and away from my mum’s home that always bustled with the energy of my niece and nephew, And where work began before morning and i could never exactly figure out when will i end up in bed maybe past midnight or even more.
So suddenly i was all the more happy thinking now there’s no work and i can sleep, eat and freak at my own will but then came the loneliness, i could feel it even more because i have never been accustomed to living alone , i was always surrounded by people since school, college, work , home and i never felt like living without people was so difficult.
Because when i was living with them, all my life i felt like breaking away from them and taking sanyas and spending few years of my life alone before i get married and maybe not. I thought this many a times in my life because living in a family is not only the place where your parents, siblings and juniors influence you but also your immediate neighbors, relatives and even colleagues interfere a lot with your daily work and bread.
And so i waited and waited for my marriage to happen, the day ill be free to go on a living spree !
At first it looked nice and fresh since the honeymoon period was going on and all you think about is love and making love to my hubby. Then as the days go by i could feel an urge to go out and find work since i had left my job after marriage and moved to another city with him.
I kept exploring all possible options since working in a new place isn’t easy and there were language and cultural barriers, so i gave up looking for job and instead focused on myself thinking after all i had worked so much i must relax and enjoy doing nothing.
Days became months and months became a year, and this feeling of being alone even when we are both present hasn’t changed a bit, i wonder how do the other couples manage to live alone.I often convey my hubby about the random thoughts that cross my minds to alleviate these feelings of loneliness in me, like we must get his parents here to live with us, or that i will have at least 4 kids so that my home is always filled with noise and i keep watching little people crawling around .
He looks so much amused hearing all this but never denies me for doing anything even bringing my stupidest thoughts to reality and conforming them that they will be done.
All this and more hasn’t helped me a lot, this inner craving for people around has made me cry a lot and feel sad every time my parents, brother’s family and in laws visit me and come here to live with us for few days.
Their short duration visit’s make me even more vulnerable, i feel depressed and just cannot live alone and it get’s worse when my hubby has a tour which is for 2 or 5 days, i panic out and buy tickets immediately for home since i just cannot live by myself.
I don’t know why it happens but this need for attachment makes me weak and vulnerable, I am aware of my abilities and think am too strong to live alone and even handle everything in life ever since childhood since i have been brought up like that only, but what has happened now, something has changed in me and i cannot figure out what it is.
There’s nothing wrong externally, but everything that is wrong is internal, i have realized that soon after am left alone, when hubby goes to office or some tour my mind jumps around over the thoughts wagon and it turns on the sad mode where i think that now am alone, what next, what next, it goes around exploring bringing files and folders from past, when i was home around with everyone and how many times in my present home i felt elated to see my little nephew crawling around and how we all slept on the floor together over the mattresses in one room chatting all night.
It doesn’t stop anywhere it goes on and on, oscillating from one memory to another, all related to my being surrounded by people and constantly poking my conscious about the happiness factor that only happens when am with those people.
Now this has to stop, i cannot stop my thoughts though i can control them to some limits where i can consciously and deliberately attempt not to think about that at all and focus on the present moment like i now practice looking at the trees from my balcony ,read a book, focus on some TV serials, prioritize my thoughts and randomly select the ones that suits my present moment and upon the availability of the factors that will contribute and enhance them .
In totality the onus of changing thoughts is upon us, I am now aware that if you let these thoughts acquire you even starting from a single one, it will start a chain reaction and then you will be completely submerged into the sea of thoughts where it will become more difficult and harder to get out dry and alive. The thing is not to let even the slightest single thought affect or get onto you.
This way a lot of everyday problems can be handled, the feeling of loneliness or being alone is just one of them . Every problem is internally located somewhere in our mind, we have to deliberately find and fix the thoughts first its like debugging, to find and delete all the bad files first that corrupt the hardware that is our mind.
It is completely impossible to accept or even say that body could play any helpful role in enlightenment beyond the mind. We have by far known that only the mind helps in being enlightened or being one with the universe.
By dropping or ceasing to have any thoughts and unwrapping the different layers of mind’s conscious can help in successfully being enlightened, is the fact we all have known. But could body help in enlightenment is really a debatable and quite confusing thing.
Am also researching more on this myself , as only yesterday i came up with this thought that body can play a very crucial role in helping me enlighten a bit.
As i lay on my bed in afternoon having nothing to do , no work , no chore not even a book to read or play some game, i just kept wandering and dazing around the walls of my room, the clothes hanging , the wardrobe’s mirror, the new cooler, the curtains half drawn over the window and half opened.
As i watched all these i thought “how free i am” and then some more correlating thoughts followed this one, like how really free i am, not working or even doing any home activities, am i ashamed of not having a job or am i that shameful to get household chores done by the maid and not myself .
I kept moving with those thoughts in flow, am so free, people would die to get this free-ness in their lives and here i am all free and doing nothing absolutely nothing, i have a full stomach, with full clothes on, and a soothing room temperature that caresses my open hands , feet , face and my long hair.
Ahh how beautiful the life is here just laying around and gazing what’s in and out of that window. the thoughts still coming, i realized how free i am , i don’t need to work, i don’t need to compete, or i don’t want t to study any further to let other’s know am still in the race, I actually don’t feel the need or desire to do any of that anymore.
What has happened, is anything wrong with me,i don’t feel the urge to get up and ‘DO’ , i feel complete this way, nor am i hungry nor am i shivering. Then what’s is it that makes me feel nothing, i thought even more and realized that the needs of my body are fulfilled , the art is to fill the stomach either with rice or pasta is a choice, the body need’s clothes, its a choice to have comfortable or styled clothes, the body needs air , should it be fan or air conditioner is again a choice.
The way body is satisfied and the needs controlled is the only way to reach out , once the body is fine there’s a way to reach beyond, the mind automatically shut’s down the desires when the needs are met in simplicity. the body craves for food it doesn’t tell you, that you need a pizza to feed the hunger, it never did, its the mind who thinks about giving taste or the choice of food, the task is the same to fill the empty stomach, it could be with a bowl of rice too.
So when we have the bodily need’s are met with simplicity, we no longer have desire’s anymore, the mind slowly starts to drop thoughts that accumulate desires and urges, and then becomes zero at one time, there are no thoughts anymore and thus the mind ceases to happen anymore, the emptiness of thoughts is replaced by consciousness, the body succeeds in arriving at this consciousness where the person seeking enlightenment becomes more awakened and aware about his inner self , there is no more the need to look around for anything , everything is there in itself.
When body is sufficed with no desire, the soul comes to power and mind no longer exists, the soul directs the movements of mind that lead it to consciousness and to the path of enlightenment. There is then, absolutely no need to deliberately stop the flow of thoughts, it will happen automatically when the need’s of body are met with simplicity and there is not even an inch of desire left to think or act upon.
What is the first thing that comes to your mind on hearing this word Marriage ?
Probably joy, elation, feelings of attachment to someone who would be there every time and everyday with you and is meant just for you, with the one you’ll rise every morning and go to bed every night, with whom you can share everything about your world and that is in your world which become our world .
Again the above thoughts are restricted for the first timers, i hope i make myself clear when i say this because it aches me to write an explanation for what i actually mean by first timers , or the fresh ones. Actually I don’t want to get acknowledged each day or to remind even you that its another one or am the second timer and i have no such thoughts as i expressed above.
The definition or the contributing thoughts that surround this word marriage for me now have changed immensely and its nothing like sharing – caring or great honeymoons or candle light dinners anymore .
I feel that the actual realization that has happened to me now should happen to everyone, the first or the second timers that is marriage is not only about the display of what ‘I’ feel so that the other spouse whose ‘I” is less than mine should fulfill all the desires i have leaving himself or herself behind where gradually with time ‘I’ grows and monotony sets in for the other and conflicts happen where the other feels left out as his/her desires remain unfulfilled and even unexplored. therefore there should be continuous effort to explore the ‘we’ desires more and give space to fulfill the ‘I’ desires alone all by yourself unburdening the other for their fulfillment.
I think marriage is more about giving solutions rather than understanding the problems of the relationship, we often develop our reactions on pre assumptions, stereotypical thoughts about the other as we always think that “I KNOW him or her so its nothing different today”, emotional assessment of the situation how it affected me , ego outbursts, etc. when there’s some issue or conflict we are tangled in the problem so much that we only understand the problem and forget about the solution or the other things to weigh and value ‘my’ emotional hurt and my suffering much more than the problem, leaving no space for the solution . So its actually creating more problem , one must remain conscious to find solutions of the problem rather accumulating more of it.
I feel that when you are in a relationship or married it is important to always be aware of emotions that lead to major disasters, because it always happens that “I’ was hurt, my feelings were hurt, i wasn’t cared for, i was left alone, i was cheated, i was ignored all these feelings are natural and may or may not be caused by the other, so its always important to inquire that is it actually caused by the other,or if its exaggerated, or how intense are these feelings, do you encourage them more. one must ascertain all these factors before breaking out from home or breaking the relationship.
marriage is about two people coming together to share their lives so its always important for the two of them to keep others at bay even their own family, friends and relatives when things concerned with their relationship are at stake, for that reason no decisions should be left to either of family members as it should done by the mutual agreement of the two and the couple must see that they are not intensely guided or lead by their families so much that it leads to conflicts and disagreement among them, after all its them who are in the middle of everything and its their life and nothing should affect or come in between their relationship to destroy their harmony.So a married couple should know who should they follow and lead by and remain conscious in their decisions and life roles.
The intention and thinking matters as much as the responsibilities and freedom in the marriage, where everyone has some prerequisite information that there are certain things which need to be followed in a marriage, some responsibilities and that there has to be equal space and freedom too even when all things are ‘meant’ to be shared, these are well common notions that everyone knows, but what I stress more upon, is the ‘Intention’ that goes into marriage when issues arise, in case of “what ifs” like the other doesn’t fulfill the responsibilities or the other requires more space and time alone , gives priority to his/her career or goals more than ‘me’ or ‘my home’ or ‘my family’, in such cases disputes happen, so its important to eliminate these disputes by disclosing your intentions to continue with the marriage and relation no matter what happens , to reassure the other about your thinking and that these issues are very temporary and the factors harming the other are merely pretending to do so because the actual mindset with which you are into this marriage is only the truth that the other must know rest is fake and sublime.
A couple in the marriage or relationship must stand with each other in every problem or distress and must support each other with everything, for marriage is not only joy-some togetherness rather its assimilation and accommodation of both the worlds that come in form of two human beings to come together to be identified as one whole .
I can only mean love to you when am free, for i cannot attend to your beauty or handsomeness as i carry loads of work that obstructs my vision.
Love can happen only when a person is free from worries and work. And since a person is potentially busy and is loaded with pressure then he she can never enjoy love or its beauty or for that matter even the nature.
Heart of Consciousness..
The plight of a Genuine but Not powerful Employee ..
Now when you are out of your mother’s womb and away from your parents caresses and pamper, you must fend for yourself with available help that others have to offer in such times, and many times even alone. And when you are out to survive to earn your bread if not for yourself, you may do it for those who survive because of you.
So here begins the never ending road of survival full of struggles. I can barely accept a life minus troubles at any place home, neighborhood, society, roads, parking’s malls, whoa and even the place where you work for a reason, the place where freedom exists in the Constitution but you may not have the same freedom as an Employee and to this day am genuinely unaware of an Employee Rights be it Government or Private sector, whcih ones are finctional and whcih ones are deni.
To forecast the future in an organisation is somewhat vague, you jump with joy on getting a job but realize it, after some days that this place or work is not meant for you and if at all, it is meant then it can only be occasioned best in two situations where, “you may like the job profile,but not the working conditions, or, you may like the working conditions but not the job profile”.
It may be rare to find sync with both the aspects.
Here the most significant factor that perturbs me to write an account on behalf of my colleagues and friends, to share their helplessness and what defunct s them, as they slog , unwillingly and unattended to their own cause. Its not about “Adjustment” at all , everyone does so unless their comes a point where they either have to “Bend or Break”.
I believe there’s more than what meets the eye, employees feel devoid of rights many a times, for n number of reasons, and prominently it has been Office Politics, favoritism, non observance of employee past or present records, unhealthy competition, lack of empathy, lack of cohesiveness among team members , negative behavior on part of Bosses , managers and even Human resource persons who lack practical application of those theoretical facts they have read all this time.
The most important in all this is the role of the HR manager who have an exit interview with the person who separates form the organization should be thoroughly questioned in a empathetic manner moreover it can be conducted by the third party, it would be more transparent and unbiased. As they they can evaluate the pros and cons of the organization as well along with the employees reasons for quitting.And such reports should be escalated to the Bosses who conclude it in an unbiased way and over finding no fault of the employee should try retaining the employee in the organization by making improvements.
Moreover i should not forget to mention about the “Contracts” having ridiculous clauses in them, which should be considered by some change makers who may work for creating better employee conditions to do away with unjustifiable clauses that may harm an employees legitimate rights as per constitutional rights.
Here i cannot refrain myself from putting a similar situation, justifiably in view of above mentioned reasons, which happened some time back : when i was taken by shocked, not at all intimated, never applied for and not even a single ground being mentioned as to why or for what reason i were transferred and felt disheartened and disoriented, as i had to give up on my kids with whom i had shared a bond that was about to go on for many more years to come and believed that i have been with these kids, taught them, loved them and shared the world with them, i got transferred to some other school. Am not happy with the system that does not realize the value of this nurtured and hard earned relationship of kids, a teacher secures, the rapport she shares, is hard to contrive. One doesn’t even come to know of their spouse in so many years, but here i had touched and nurtured 80 kids since beginning.
In the same way i can relate this “officeisms” where my fiance was Overburdened and many a times taken away the responsibility he had in his previous job. the people who are up in the hierarchy at workplace hold power positions, and distinguish themselves in signatures that work for them. they actually work as per requirement, fitting the blocks in the board is what they care about, not to think beyond “Fitting” and “Requirement”.
Its a Pandora’s box, and none is keen to open this, the above situation is a fragment of the major portion of problems that surrounds the system and structure in offices,
The problem becomes more insignificant when people do not stand for injustice nor complain, because employment is a need, and this need becomes helplessness and people take advantage of such helplessness where they keep throwing the pandemonium for employees in offices.
I hope that the system in every organisation changes for good, where there are rules books are followed and the employee rights are mentioned, through government policies which help the private and public sector employees to eliminate their helplessness and can work for choice and will.
A general sense of thoughts that accommodate certain feelings and ultimately embellishes my thoughts for an emotional upheaval that thrives inside out only to instigate a revolutionary cause .
The forte of my present situation dwells upon my past and has a great bearing on my present life.
I can casually revert back to my school days, as I remember for once raising my hand among so many students on being asked the question,
“who wants to be a teacher” ?
I knew, it wasn’t certain at that time and was just a passing thought that saw its way out in a fragment of time. And I was somewhat embarrassed too having raised my hand all alone when i looked to my right and left and back altogether. Gosh ! That passed.
But, when the time came to opt a course and career, god was so gracious to supply me with the best of choices to decide. Its a noble thing altogether that he who sits in heaven has given this wonderful gift of choice, and so i made it, to be a teacher and pursued my training for the same.
Sometimes i reflect upon the notion that now am to be in the league of the one’s who shape the future of our nation which will culminate in its classrooms. But i still couldn’t believe that what i am doing will create a mark or not and will it change my attitude towards this field or not .
Being part of today’s Generation i doubted about this as much as you would, in a world where there’s so much professionalism and corporate life exuberance that attracts and hugs it every time one has no other alternative but to think and contradict, and at the same time i thought that teaching profession, was sure infallible in words and praises, but hardly influences the generation today due to small incentives and lacks glamour quotient.
All this was past, when i became part of this profession and entered the threshold of the classrooms with “buzzing sounds, unconditioned smiles, silly giggles, dreamy eyes, sleepy lips, clutching hands, open fingers, and beautiful voice, where the eyes follow to approach and hold someone in nearby surroundings.
All this made my insolent perceptions fall irrelevant in view of my vicarious experience with these, thought before, but unimaginable moments of complete unselfish love coming straight from God’s heart. Id be a fool to let go of this moment and should cling on to it, as much, to get this love and give the same to those who will cherish it all time.
And believe me am glad i chose it and became part of this profession now Am the Katrina Kaif, Aishwarya Rai, and Kareena Kapoor of my kids , they love me and i have never found such unconditional love before, i love teaching and training them for life and being as much with them as i can, guiding them, partying with them, eating with them, playing with them, joking with them, and sharing their dreams and aspirations is just awesome feeling out of this world.
Every child i see is full of innocence fluttering with wings every now and then just to break free from those four apathetic walls which suffocate their freedom, though seeming meaningful for others but for them its as much a crime unforgivable and their world inconsolable .The schools are devoid of many facilities but its not deprived of teachers who can fulfill for almost everything that’s missing, moreover the utmost need of love, care and guidance by holding hands with the kids and make them happy before teaching.
As i reflect more i think there’s much more missing, something that can help these kids even more in life. And i think what could it be,the more i pondered over i thought that quality and fruitful education and activities can let them explore the opportunities to make it to higher classes or schools even on behalf of those kids who could not make it even this far for primary education.
A system of education that is lead by heart and soul by the teachers who nurture all round development of the kids and let them cherish life of self reliance and getting active for their rights and even for those who are around them.
This world is ever growing and demanding its needs every hour that our children should carry their innocence on the chest of conscience that equips them with the armory of sustainability of all kinds, for every situation and not become a prey due to absence of basic education.
All these thoughts accommodate for one cause, that, the teacher is the person who can make all the difference by giving a fragment of his/her life for these small wonder’s who are not left alone to fend for themselves but to achieve and realize their dreams.
Understand about destiny , it usually means something which is predetermined , now what has been already decided, will happen or not, who will come to witness that, have you ever thought about.
Just imagine that If you want to eat a chocolate now, you will eat it if its there around you at home, or go and buy it from the market and eat it . But consider another situation where you want to eat it in the middle of the night, if the shops close at 1 am and you couldn’t eat the chocolate then you blame it on your destiny, for not being able to fulfill your wish, but you never realize about the circumstance s that you are already aware of and still act naive and blame everything on your destiny.
Destiny is almost nothing and just a meaning in the sense of being predetermined.
Rather destiny is what you create yourself with your own hands by choosing the KARMIC actions you perform all your life and this is your function , this is your role and this is what you do and should do all life.
Karma is our actions/ deeds and behavior that we do all our lives and this is what shapes and creates our future or our present. People often forget about Karma and believe in “Bhagya” in Hindi or Fate in English which gives rise to unravel ling the mystery of this Bhagya or fate in the Kundlis or Birth charts that again generate a cycle of going after planets, stars , signs and remedies to cure or even changing our fate, It is quite unfortunate to observe that people often waste tonnes of money in these activities and never ever realize that there is nothing that can be done to change anything about life it goes by your karma and not through destiny. They eagerly wish and hope for MAGIC or MIRACLES to happen that would change.
Very often we just cannot give up on accepting that there is nothing like unseen forces, power, rituals or practices that can change the way we exist . because we love it so much being dependent, to be connected for our needs and wishes that whoever says whatever to us to create our destiny, we tend to follow them blindly overlooking facts and logic .
One more thing i remember is that only the people in distress or who believe in miracles, or who are weak spirited go for such remedies and practices, they do not believe in the power of their own karma . They override their faith,beliefs and consequences of their own actions / behavior that is their own Karma that they do .
Karma is only what you do or have been doing all this time long , it is what you Choose to do between good and bad, truth or false, happy or sad, positive or negative, accept or reject and much more , it is the Freedom we never think about while we make the Choice to do what we want to do , nobody has snatched that choice from us isn’t it ? Then the concern is if we are the ones who do everything who choose and make decision every time for what next action will be then how is destiny planned or predetermined and if it were be that, then why should we believe in it so much, where its us who has the Control. The destiny does not even help,hinders or defines or decides what actions we take, other than our own willingness.
So, We actually have one thing to do is help our destiny shape, the way we want or like it to be, by being conscious and doing the right karma and forget about the results and surrender to the power of god and let him take care of it. We actually fear about so many things , the planets, the destiny,the kundli, the rituals and god that we actually forget about our KARMA . In this process we try to be gods because we wish to Control and Believe that our actions, our karma is predestined and it had to be the way it should or what these unseen forces want us to do is what we actually do.
This is not right as we are afraid to uphold the sole responsibility of our deeds or actions i.e Karma ourselves . As its always the individual who decides and make the choice and is the performer, so how can anything other thing, that will come later holds responsibility for the karma you do today. Its always your call to wake up or not, to perform good action, behave right and tread upon a value, virtuous and righteous path that is good for us and others as well and doesn’t harm anyone in anyway.
Its best to Love god and surrender to him and leave everything to him and just do your karma that is your responsibility alone, as Krishna says Do your karma and dont worry about the results, leave them to me.