Tag Archives: feelings

Questions ?

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I cannot stop by putting a dot

for questions contemplating a blot

for me or anything of mine

past , future or in this time

 

am no more what i used to be

not even the memory you have of me

so i cannot answer the way you remember

of irritation or signs of acute anger

 

i have discharged myself from actions

and grown out of those empty questions

that tried and tested my nerves then,

but now with the light of the little Zen

 

i give away the desire to answer

or even the nerve’s to transfer

the feelings that you wish to create

inside me of gloom or hate.

 

plase try to ‘watch’ my dear friend

am not following the experineced trend 

its just that i have changed something

about who i was, to i am Nothing.

 

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In order to feel perfect Absence, one should measure the Distance first

I realize the power of missing someone, how does the absence of my hubby creates certain feelings, it never happened before where he had to go for 3 – 4 days office tour, and only now am able to feel and realize the depths of emotions where i long for him so much and never ever realized that he is absent everyday for 8 to 9 hours and comes back home only after office hours. Though he being there in office all day and very much near to me, i can still  have this presence of him, thinking that he is just a few miles away and that’s all that puts to rest my clumsy feelings.

And but now i feel that absence doesn’t matter much what matters is the distance that separates the two of us, the feeling that am i be able to reach him or not, and that there are thousands of miles between us..and oh ! he is so far away, creates more emotions and more feelings inside me. 

In order to fee…

Emotional Deprivation

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After so much of planning, packing , travelling, searching and relocating , i have finally been able to connect with you all after such a long gap. Its been physically draining and exhausting journey that is yet to be completed.

My dearest Hubby has found this amazing new job that suits everything from his skills to bills, so that makes it more obvious that we have shifted from east to west of India, and all the household goods are still to come which makes everything appear to me as if we are living in a hostel sleeping on the floors with a thin mattress under a bed sheet and eating meals every day from outside. 

Wow ! But its fun that am off cooking for some days resting but still doing the chores like dusting and cleaning 🙂

In between all this hurry up , quick, no time, planning, writing, and travelling , i couldn’t find time to emotionally connect with my inner thoughts about leaving a place and leaving my mother and father in law back. It was all done up in 15 or 20 days time that hardly left any thoughts in me rather than a physically exhausted body that longed for rest.

Today i feel deprived of emotions that had to happen during a particular time and day but it couldn’t but yes i had tears in my eyes at the platform bidding adieu to my mother and father in law as they were the ones who will be most affected during our absence and same for me as i had one more mom with whom i shared my heart. I will miss her a lot .

And leaving kolkata, my favorite destination for the worlds best phuchka’s ( pani puri) around 20 to 25 in one go used to have them daily . oh they were so mwahhhhhhhh. will miss them too.

Its only now that am writing and remembering, what all i have left and will miss, my friend pooja and i missed meeting her son debu, he was sleeping i did not disturb and just met pooja and came back home . Ohh i should have hugged debu .

This will continue and will go on but life still moves on without pauses or full stops, having the time to acknowledge these things are more than enough but to get them right on time is a thing to be mastered and i need to practice it, to find time for emotions and letting them out even if am short of time.

 

Feeling Away

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my sweet niece tiddu whom I miss so much

my sweet niece tiddu whom I miss so much

Everything is superb , nice, awesome and fantastic just the way I thought about life that’s going to be after my marriage and it truly is very nice and comfortable.

But still something’s amiss something makes me sad and cry some, being surrounded by all happiness and goodness I still feel away from them its just about 15 days since I got married but I miss my family my mom, dad , niece, sister in law and my brother, everyone so much, and its more about missing my home and Delhi , the place where I’ve lived since birth.

And here in Kolkata almost thousands miles away from home I feel lost many a times since my transition is yet to begin this is just a fragment of it am with my new mom and dad in their home but next or coming weeks I will shift to another place in Kolkata itself again some 25 miles away from them .

So much to happen , I feel that if my inner state is little troubled this time and there are so many people around me to support and love me , how will I manage without them all alone when my my hubby would be off to work and ill  be alone at home. That is the time I need to think about what will I do and how will I manage my time and emotions .

It will be new for him as well but I have more problems than him, language constraints not knowing Bengali, an old locality unlike the city in Kolkata, away from family and even the lovely maa in law,  and much more that takes rounds in my head. Am unable to think clearly as to how will I live and manage time with emotions.

Sometimes I fear my own feelings as am strong and do not wish to succumb to them, actually I have waited for these moments all my life after going through so many troubles in the past , but then here am and this life and situation is about me and I have to tackle it.

Will get back with more updates as I need all your advice and inputs for my new journey to help me adjust and live in a good mental shape.

Love Shayari

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लबो की यह तमन्ना है ,

की लफ्जों में नहीं रुकना,

यह चाहत है लबो की अब

इन्हें युही नहीं थमना

की यह हकीक़त है सुनने में

लगेगा  तुमको अफसाना

मोहब्बत में यूँ ठहरे है

लगे हर तरफ, विराना

यूँ चाहत में उनकी खोये

की हर महफ़िल से हुए रवाना ‘

लगे हर बेरंग सी मेहफिल में

सजने लगे कोई तराना

हमे महसूस करना है

यह मन, क्यूँ बहकता है

की हर साज़ में यह दिल

जाने क्यूँ महकता है

यह मोहब्बत है इबादत है

या कोई और अफ़साना

बिना सोचे या  समझे ही

नहीं बनता कोई तराना

Krishna : Man for Every Yuga

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Krishna and Radha with gopiyas.

 

I was reading this book by Osho, that my fiance mailed me to read, where he talks about the significance teaching and philosophy given by Krishna.

So far i have read only 8 pages and am thankful to him for the great book.

Osho is a magnanimous being , he cannot be touched , talked or thought about casually just like Buddha, Krishna and Shiva for his knowledge and enlightened ness.  He speaks about Krishna is a man meant to be understood and his philosophies and lessons should be understood and applied by all. But its unfortunate on our part that we can never understand and realize that Krishna is man for all seasons and yuga’s , and we till today haven not been able to understand the true meaning and essence of his teaching in the Geeta and Bhagwad.

Osho has been true in saying that we only differentiate and adapt to him at our own level where Krishna in Bhagwad is dancing and singing whereas Krishna in Geeta is talking about Dharma, Karma and significance of war. If we believe in good ness and gaiety in life we will bound to agree with the Krishna in Bhagwad and understand him at our own level again overlooking his totality where he dances and sing s with women and conveys that Body and soul is one and sex can only lead to celibacy not the suppression of any feelings of the soul or body.

on the other hand In geeta he aptly conveys how the war of Mahabharata , and restoration of dharma is the karma and must be followed as it is. He talks about violence and non violence as two sides of the same coin and that thinking about violence is when someone thinks he can kill its materialistic, and the one who thinks he will practice non violence and would not kill anyone is also a materialist . And one thing is common among the violence and non violence believers that “someone can be killed” therefore Krishna rejects both and accepts the immortality of the soul where life and death is materialistic and nothing lives or dies.

This thought above is very spiritual but an eye opener to believe in Krishna and the lesson he wishes to give  us , though we are least ready to understand or accept, forget adopting to it. Spirituality accepts wholeness of life it accepts everything be it love, sex, war , devotion or any other thing.

It is relevant because this age is age of lies, suppression, competition, repression, struggle and suffering and a never ending fight , which is why today the study of Krishna’s teachings become more important as he shows us the way to play our part in this life leela (play )where its only a role we must understand and that we must overcome and stand above this role to conquer these inimical forces that influence us.

The best part osho explains about Krishna is the topic that we are deprived, devoid, suppressed, and asked to repress all out lives which is sex. He has rightly explored the theme and made it understandable for us to know that we must be familiar and make friends with sex not look at it as our enemy, the logic behind this is that we cannot understand our enemies but we can understand our friends very well and have scope to change them, this is true and can be explored further because many of us suppress our urges and carnal instincts, the more we put them back the more we think about them. the more we think the more we are distracted , and again its a wide spread theme to think of it a sin and thus thought in the same way since we were adolescents .

Krishna is the only one who has believed and accepted life in its totality , he never became a saint, lived in celibacy , he was god in true sense , a complete whole, a complete taker of life as it is. he never turned away from the miseries or suffering wars or violence good or evil , he took it as it was and gave the most unimaginable ways to conquer over them and live through them .

And as we are..

we are born to be attracted by the things which are meant not to be disclosed , the opposite always attracts, but we fear so much about the other side that we always wish to cling to all the good things and do away with the bad , dark, evil, pain, etc. But we fail to realize that even this is part of our existence and we need to look into it deeply, and when we come across or face them we feel dilemma, pain, conflict and misery because we are not ready to give up on the pleasantness and goodness of life.

This is what Krishna wants us to do, to believe in whole life to accept the opposites and lead a true life not in fragments or portions where we accept one thing and deny the other rather we must learn to accept the other part as well.

Krishna has a remarkable brilliance and great relevance for every generation of any yuga. we must explore him greatly through his teachings and decipher the inner meaning rather than the outer words only through Bhaghwad or the geeta.

Attachment is Evil’s Desire

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Buddha’s 4 Noble Truths and 8 Fold path to Achieve and Adopt for Life..

Its a fight everyday, to sail through good and bad, is no easy task. One has to slip and slide in good times wishing that it remains constant and uninterrupted.

But to forget it as soon as the shadows of bad phase surface’s,  which puts on hold everything, you may think should stop or imagine has stopped, only to make you realize that now it will be a very long time and you cannot pass this that easily. Every minute seems an hour and every hour may go like a year when you happen to experience a bad phase of life and it may prolong for, hours, days and even some years.

What contributes to these feelings of good and bad phase happy or depressing is a much  deeper fact, where life is an unending journey of the human being who from conception to death has to suffer or struggle and manage it all in between, be it mentally or physically.

The cause of every bad and good in our life is because of one and only one reason that is ATTACHMENT. this attachment to any thing can stem from material or non material choices we make and even if it concerns to Human or any other creatures we feel attached to .It is therefore the core concern for the suffering that is brought unanimously during different stages of life.

The Need for attachment is in every sense fulfilling, realizing and relieves us from the sense of being alone and deprived of social connectivity. So in a way we are Dependent for our happiness, anger, love, pain, depression, death or life upon others , we just cannot refrain form this attachment the need to be dependent the need to have someone around us even if it makes us suffer or not.

This creates all the problem where a person can just not be attached with himself/herself and is constantly in need to belong to anyone anywhere. Our emotions are no longer controlled by us , rather we are tamed by the forces outside that recover whatever kind of response or reaction they want from us.

Beginning your day from getting up, even if you hadn’t slept the whole night, you make haste for work ignoring your peace ,you do the chores ignoring your health, you skip the meal ignoring your hunger, you reach on time ignoring your heart that runs fast and the list goes on where you ignore about “Your Self” a lot only to get along in the mad race to make others happy, to get that acceptance, and approval so much that this world runs everyday, to achieve those even at the cost of physical and mental well being.

As its known that death is a certainty and no one can overcome it, but still we run expecting that we will live to see what will happen ignoring the truth that our life is not our own, we have no control over it, so how can we let the others control what happens between life and death, it is the god who controls it so just surrender.

Its a pity to see people working all their life to collect more and more and one day their cord snaps away, the shroud doesn’t have any pockets wonder what will they take along with them. Nor you can take your property, your gold, nor money nor your loved ones , they dont die after you if you were to pass away or do they ? much rare it is.

The need is to see and feel that life is not to be wasted like this, it needs to be glorified by doing good karma and deeds that bring you peace and calm, a simple hour of meditation or feeding the poor kids can bring you a lot more peace of mind than sitting in the air conditioned room and watching the mountains through a glass window and not able to breathe fresh flowers or air. Its best to keep your control ie your remote with your self rather than giving it in the hands of all these . One must realize that their life is meant to be carried out all alone. As we tend to perceive good or bad through people, events or things we come in contact with, their attachment or detachment triggers the generation of certain emotions in us that we should learn to control and detach from.

On similar lines i recall the teachings of Mahatma Gautama Buddha who had attained this truth through enlightenment and presented the same as the four noble truths.:

The Four Noble Truths:

  • There is suffering and misery in life.
  • The cause of this suffering and misery is desire. ( Attachment as i see )
  • Suffering and misery can be removed by removing desire.
  • Desire can be removed by following the Eight Fold Path

 And that following the Noble Eightfold Path is the means to accomplish this.

  • right view
  • right intention
  • right speech
  • right action
  • right livelihood
  • right effort
  • right mindfulness
  • right concentration

The above mentioned teachings by Gautama Buddha if followed can create a harmony of the body, mind and soul. we have so much to look into to ascertain the real truth of life and the meaning of it, so that we all have a purposeful and peaceful medium to cherish our life as a whole rather accomplishing it in parts.

In our Upanishads, the Vedas,the Bhagwad Gita and many more, can lead us to self realization and attainment of enlightenment that would unleash us from the vicious cycle of life, from the fear of miseries,n attachment, unknown and death. There’s so much in this one life to know,that remains unexplored because we tend to run after a good package for a year that would suffice our lower order needs. And in the end after having done the normal routine work of your life that every other man or woman does, one shall die but there always would remain an urge in the next life or this life, as when shall we break free from this attachment and desires through Enlightenment.