A few years back i always thought about getting married and how beautiful the life will be like every girl would have thought , to go places, to see the world , to hold hands, to eat good food , to wear the most fashionable clothes on honeymoon, to love and hug and get love and hugs 24 /7 and forever and ever. I too had such beautiful and exciting thoughts about getting married.
And i did get married and all wasn’t beautiful as it looked like in my case, because i had this picture in my mind that did not fitted well when i saw the other couples and heard their stories of romance and love making and how beautiful it was all in the arranged setup . I still managed for a good time but had to separate soon as things went ugly to awry and so it had to happen because after giving your extreme self to the other, there come’s a time when you have to realize that the heart that beats inside your body is the sound of your soul that wishes to live .
One has to believe that this life is not your or mine or anyone else’s for whom you need to sacrifice not even for your own miseries you dont have to die unless your time comes till that moment you should live with all its struggles, sufferings , good , bad, pain, sorrow, happiness, love etc. I too had my moments where i thought everything is shattered, am in ruins and other stuff about thoughts to die and live no longer, and the best part i was encouraged even more to succumb to my thoughts passively by some people. But i never took the extreme i always prolonged that period of pain further than to fall apart.
I’ve learned and matured in my thoughts and to this day my problems and life struggles haven’t ended, and i have experimented with these feelings that how the other person lives well and am still in troubles, i have thought a way out for this too, i think i haven’t seen this person’s complete life what is there in his/her life , how bad or good his time will be or how he she would suffer or die i do not know, so would i still be willing to compare or desire his/her life or even exchange it . No ,not for once i hold my karma and my consequences as my own and i would never wish to change it with anyone else’s .
Believe you me even today after all that i still struggle and there’s so much in my life that needs to be well placed. After separation i lived quite peacefully and met a good person on a legal portal, he too is separated and still struggling a lot without a job and money, and its been like this since the last 2 years and more, we have been with each other in rough times and holding each other, where we have least hopes for our marriage or a comfortable life in future, we shall have to do a lot to make ends meet. But we are not afraid to do that even because we will be together is what we care for.
Had it been like this, that only we two were concerned forever it could be easier but then, the sad part is the mix of two families our well settled wealthy relatives and friends who lead life of luxuries always keep asking about when, where, how, why and what of our life’s, thank god i have got so much strength and courage to put a really great shape and face in front of them and even for him, we dont open up easily. I keep assuring everyone about our future and we shall live good and he will get a job soon he is trying hard.
We have never given up on hope , to live a positive life with good thoughts , we struggle and cherish this period of struggle because we know we have met each other that was the best thing that could happen to us, we cry one hour but feel OK the other hour. i dont know where this enormous strength has come to us that we have suffered so much, that we are toughened by these circumstances and we just hope and wait for our days to change and let the sun shine for us .
Whenever am in trouble and have depression like feelings i always think that at least am alive to correct it and life is much greater than the problems itself, so why t worry as this period will go away , maybe it becomes a long period end-up in years but still it will end someday, it cannot remain forever. And believe its encouraging to think that you live good to change things , think of other things where you are killed by some mad person or die in a freak accident , its best that god has given you this chance and you are alive and able to transform the bad to good.
No wonder life is full of phases of good and bad but its best to endure in that time it can last for years and years but you still need to put up a smiling face before the society and friends so that they cannot know what you face, as only a percent of people will understand you and you never know which percent is that. So its best to keep your life and struggles to yourself it gives you courage strength and wisdom to continue and grow in life.