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Alive

Every day supressed
You depressed
It will go on like this
No change no bliss
Living in a hell
Ringing all the bell
Love labour lost
City count cost
One in one out
Disappear no shout
No one will come
When you’re done
Stand up and wipe
Smile again life
Alive is you
Isn’t that true

Written by
Shilpi C. Sinha

There’s No Heaven & Hell After Death, Its just Nothingness !

We are Humans with bodies, that breathe to live and do all other life like activities that combine together to form and enrich our existence with experiences that are embellished with a variety of  emotions like joy,happiness, pain, sorrow, love, hate etc.

The emotions decorate our moments  namely into two distinct portions of Positive Or Negative experiences of which we largely hold onto remembering them or segregating them into much more variants of emotional experiences of our lives.

I believe to experience anything in life we need to be alive and  live in the moment, which means to Exist , to see it to believe it , for this we require our bodies,to experience,record and register those moments and then to re frame them and label them with emotions that we have during those moments .

Image courtesy of lobster20 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Here it is very important to acknowledge the fact that in order to experience and feel certain emotions of some moments we require our bodies , if we have no body which is alive then how can we experience anything at all .

And with this belief i cannot believe in the Concept of Heaven and Hell after Death which many of religions tell us about, because to experience the angels and life of heaven we still require senses that are trapped only inside a living body, and even to experience the hot fire of hell we still  require to have a body which feels pain upon being pricked by the devils of hell.

So We require a body to experience Heaven and Hell after death !

Actually the whole concept is very confusing because when we live we have a body and so we experience everything but as soon as we die we lose this body thus losing our senses to experience anything which is around us.

Death is Emptiness , its complete Shunyata (zero) after life, there is nothing to experience nor to feel , forget Heaven or even hell , there is nothing to make us happy or sad, there isn’t a body to feel anything. What is gone is gone forever , its just the soul that circulates around like a dust particle only in search of a body to enter and get back to life again.

And it happens automatically not even the soul is in search it happens by itself , because there has been no longing or desire to relieve its just a process that has to be completed by its own.

As long as we live we are are full of experience , the day we die we are just nothingness.

In order to fee…

In order to feel perfect Absence, one should measure the Distance first

I realize the power of missing someone, how does the absence of my hubby creates certain feelings, it never happened before where he had to go for 3 – 4 days office tour, and only now am able to feel and realize the depths of emotions where i long for him so much and never ever realized that he is absent everyday for 8 to 9 hours and comes back home only after office hours. Though he being there in office all day and very much near to me, i can still  have this presence of him, thinking that he is just a few miles away and that’s all that puts to rest my clumsy feelings.

And but now i feel that absence doesn’t matter much what matters is the distance that separates the two of us, the feeling that am i be able to reach him or not, and that there are thousands of miles between us..and oh ! he is so far away, creates more emotions and more feelings inside me. 

Busy Feelings ..

Somethings there,that isn’t bright,

somethings there without light

wondering where to find some

if its one or maybe none

i look into free spaces everywhere

upon the surface and inside layer

there’s something that i miss now

unknowing where to find and how

busy feelings and slave thoughts

of past or dead doesn’t rot

unable to figure what happens

life and lifelike dampens

struggling to explore that something

for some life is better than dumping

Feeling Away

my sweet niece tiddu whom I miss so much

Everything is superb , nice, awesome and fantastic just the way I thought about life that’s going to be after my marriage and it truly is very nice and comfortable.

But still something’s amiss something makes me sad and cry some, being surrounded by all happiness and goodness I still feel away from them its just about 15 days since I got married but I miss my family my mom, dad , niece, sister in law and my brother, everyone so much, and its more about missing my home and Delhi , the place where I’ve lived since birth.

And here in Kolkata almost thousands miles away from home I feel lost many a times since my transition is yet to begin this is just a fragment of it am with my new mom and dad in their home but next or coming weeks I will shift to another place in Kolkata itself again some 25 miles away from them .

So much to happen , I feel that if my inner state is little troubled this time and there are so many people around me to support and love me , how will I manage without them all alone when my my hubby would be off to work and ill  be alone at home. That is the time I need to think about what will I do and how will I manage my time and emotions .

It will be new for him as well but I have more problems than him, language constraints not knowing Bengali, an old locality unlike the city in Kolkata, away from family and even the lovely maa in law,  and much more that takes rounds in my head. Am unable to think clearly as to how will I live and manage time with emotions.

Sometimes I fear my own feelings as am strong and do not wish to succumb to them, actually I have waited for these moments all my life after going through so many troubles in the past , but then here am and this life and situation is about me and I have to tackle it.

Will get back with more updates as I need all your advice and inputs for my new journey to help me adjust and live in a good mental shape.

Marriage : An Everlasting Intention

Traditional Indian Wedding Image

What is the first thing that comes to your mind on hearing this word Marriage ?

Probably joy, elation, feelings of attachment to someone who would be there every time and everyday with you and is meant just for you, with the one you’ll rise every morning and go to bed every night, with whom you can share everything about your world and that is in your world which become our world .

Again the above thoughts are restricted for the first timers, i hope i make myself clear when i say this because it aches me to write an explanation for what i actually mean by first timers , or the fresh ones. Actually I don’t want to get acknowledged each day or to remind even you that its another one or am the second timer and i have no such thoughts as i expressed above.

The definition or the contributing thoughts that surround this word marriage for me now have changed immensely and its nothing like sharing – caring or great honeymoons or candle light dinners anymore .

I feel that the actual realization that has happened to me now should happen to everyone, the first or the second timers that is marriage is not only about the display of what  ‘I’ feel so that the other spouse whose ‘I” is less than mine should fulfill all the desires i have leaving himself or herself behind where gradually with time ‘I’ grows and monotony sets in for the other and conflicts happen where the other feels left out as his/her desires remain unfulfilled and even unexplored. therefore there should be continuous effort to explore the ‘we’ desires more and give space to fulfill the ‘I’ desires alone all by yourself unburdening the other for their fulfillment.

I think marriage is more about giving solutions rather than understanding the problems of the relationship, we often develop our reactions on pre assumptions, stereotypical thoughts about the other as we always think that “I KNOW him or her so its nothing different today”, emotional assessment of the situation how it affected me , ego outbursts, etc. when there’s some issue or conflict we are tangled in the problem so much that we only understand the problem and forget about the solution or the other things to weigh and value ‘my’ emotional hurt and my suffering much more than the problem, leaving no space for the solution . So its actually creating more problem , one must remain conscious to find solutions of the problem rather accumulating more of it.

I feel that when you are in a relationship or married it is important to always be aware of emotions that lead to major disasters, because it always happens that “I’ was hurt, my feelings were hurt, i wasn’t cared for, i was left alone, i was cheated, i was ignored all these feelings are natural and may or may not be caused by the other, so its always important to inquire that is it actually caused by the other,or  if its exaggerated, or how intense are these feelings, do you encourage them more. one must ascertain all these factors before breaking out from home or breaking the relationship.

marriage is about two people coming together to share their lives so its always important for the two of them to keep others at bay even their own family, friends and relatives when things concerned with their relationship are at stake, for that reason no decisions should be left to either of family members as it should done by the mutual agreement of the two and the couple must see that they are not intensely guided or lead by their families so much that it leads to conflicts and disagreement among them, after all its them who are in the middle of everything and its their life and nothing should affect or come in between their relationship to destroy their harmony.So a married couple should know who should they follow and lead by and remain conscious in their decisions and life roles.

The intention and thinking matters as much as the responsibilities and freedom in the marriage, where everyone has some prerequisite information that there are certain things which need to be followed in a marriage, some responsibilities and that there has to be equal space and freedom too even when all things are ‘meant’ to be shared, these are well common notions that everyone knows, but what I stress more upon, is the ‘Intention’ that goes into marriage when issues arise, in case of “what ifs” like the other doesn’t fulfill the responsibilities  or the other requires more space and time alone , gives priority to his/her career or goals more than ‘me’ or ‘my  home’ or ‘my family’, in  such cases disputes happen, so its important to eliminate these disputes by disclosing your intentions to continue with the marriage and relation no matter what happens , to reassure the other about your thinking and that these issues are very temporary and the factors harming the other are merely pretending to do so because the actual mindset with which you are into this marriage is only the truth that the other must know rest is fake and sublime.

A couple in the marriage or relationship must stand with each other in every problem or distress and must support each other with everything, for marriage is not only joy-some togetherness rather its assimilation and accommodation of  both the worlds that come in form of two human beings to come together to be identified as one whole .

Love Shayari

लबो की यह तमन्ना है ,

की लफ्जों में नहीं रुकना,

यह चाहत है लबो की अब

इन्हें युही नहीं थमना

की यह हकीक़त है सुनने में

लगेगा  तुमको अफसाना

मोहब्बत में यूँ ठहरे है

लगे हर तरफ, विराना

यूँ चाहत में उनकी खोये

की हर महफ़िल से हुए रवाना ‘

लगे हर बेरंग सी मेहफिल में

सजने लगे कोई तराना

हमे महसूस करना है

यह मन, क्यूँ बहकता है

की हर साज़ में यह दिल

जाने क्यूँ महकता है

यह मोहब्बत है इबादत है

या कोई और अफ़साना

बिना सोचे या  समझे ही

नहीं बनता कोई तराना

I know and let …

I know and let you deceive me, for am happy enough and care for thee.

My Darling 498 a

 

 

अकेला क्या दुखी कम था “मैं”
जो जुड़ी मुझसे एक और “मैं”
“मैं” कहाँ अब बन गया था “तू”
और इस “तू – मैं” में मिला ना कोई क्लू

जिसके ख्वाब देखे सपने सजाये
वो मेरे दर पर दरोगा साहब को ले आए
कभी जो कहती थी “डार्लिंग” प्यार से
अब बदला लिवा रही है वो मार-धाड़ से

दुखी, बेमन, बोझिल अंतरमन को संभाले
रिश्तों का उलझता ताना बना सुलझाते
थक चूका हूँ मैं अब इस बर्बादी से 
तौबा करता हूँ मैं इस शादी से

बनाकर लाया था जिसको मेरे घर की लक्ष्मी
अब डालेगी डकैती बनकर कुलक्ष्मी
कहाँ छुटकर जाऊं इस कोर्ट कचहरी से
लाइलाज बन चुकी हैं बीमारी अब 498 a 

कोई समझाए मेरी प्राणप्रिय धरमपत्नी को
क्यों मेरे प्राणों की प्यासी बन चुकी हैं वो 

सोचता हूँ क्यूँ कहा था कभी मैंने उसे ऐसा
की डार्लिंग क्यूँ खर्चती हो इतना सारा पैसा ?
मेरी आमंदनी  है अट्ठन्नी और तुम खर्चती हो रुपईय्या 
इतना कहने पर ही तुमने डूबा दी मेरे अरमानो की नईय्या
 

जो ना किया सितम उसपर तो मिली सज़ा फिर क्यूँ
“आप”,” तुम” कहते करते कब बन गया ” मैं” से “तू” 

मुझे फूलों की माला पहनाने वाली, मेरे जीवन का प्यार
बना गयी 498a ,dv, crpc 125 अब मेरे जीवन का सार

क्यूँ जानकार सब बनती हैं अनजान
मुझसे ज्यादा तुझे है सच्चे इंसान की पहचान