What is the first thing that comes to your mind on hearing this word Marriage ?
Probably joy, elation, feelings of attachment to someone who would be there every time and everyday with you and is meant just for you, with the one you’ll rise every morning and go to bed every night, with whom you can share everything about your world and that is in your world which become our world .
Again the above thoughts are restricted for the first timers, i hope i make myself clear when i say this because it aches me to write an explanation for what i actually mean by first timers , or the fresh ones. Actually I don’t want to get acknowledged each day or to remind even you that its another one or am the second timer and i have no such thoughts as i expressed above.
The definition or the contributing thoughts that surround this word marriage for me now have changed immensely and its nothing like sharing – caring or great honeymoons or candle light dinners anymore .
I feel that the actual realization that has happened to me now should happen to everyone, the first or the second timers that is marriage is not only about the display of what ‘I’ feel so that the other spouse whose ‘I” is less than mine should fulfill all the desires i have leaving himself or herself behind where gradually with time ‘I’ grows and monotony sets in for the other and conflicts happen where the other feels left out as his/her desires remain unfulfilled and even unexplored. therefore there should be continuous effort to explore the ‘we’ desires more and give space to fulfill the ‘I’ desires alone all by yourself unburdening the other for their fulfillment.
I think marriage is more about giving solutions rather than understanding the problems of the relationship, we often develop our reactions on pre assumptions, stereotypical thoughts about the other as we always think that “I KNOW him or her so its nothing different today”, emotional assessment of the situation how it affected me , ego outbursts, etc. when there’s some issue or conflict we are tangled in the problem so much that we only understand the problem and forget about the solution or the other things to weigh and value ‘my’ emotional hurt and my suffering much more than the problem, leaving no space for the solution . So its actually creating more problem , one must remain conscious to find solutions of the problem rather accumulating more of it.
I feel that when you are in a relationship or married it is important to always be aware of emotions that lead to major disasters, because it always happens that “I’ was hurt, my feelings were hurt, i wasn’t cared for, i was left alone, i was cheated, i was ignored all these feelings are natural and may or may not be caused by the other, so its always important to inquire that is it actually caused by the other,or if its exaggerated, or how intense are these feelings, do you encourage them more. one must ascertain all these factors before breaking out from home or breaking the relationship.
marriage is about two people coming together to share their lives so its always important for the two of them to keep others at bay even their own family, friends and relatives when things concerned with their relationship are at stake, for that reason no decisions should be left to either of family members as it should done by the mutual agreement of the two and the couple must see that they are not intensely guided or lead by their families so much that it leads to conflicts and disagreement among them, after all its them who are in the middle of everything and its their life and nothing should affect or come in between their relationship to destroy their harmony.So a married couple should know who should they follow and lead by and remain conscious in their decisions and life roles.
The intention and thinking matters as much as the responsibilities and freedom in the marriage, where everyone has some prerequisite information that there are certain things which need to be followed in a marriage, some responsibilities and that there has to be equal space and freedom too even when all things are ‘meant’ to be shared, these are well common notions that everyone knows, but what I stress more upon, is the ‘Intention’ that goes into marriage when issues arise, in case of “what ifs” like the other doesn’t fulfill the responsibilities or the other requires more space and time alone , gives priority to his/her career or goals more than ‘me’ or ‘my home’ or ‘my family’, in such cases disputes happen, so its important to eliminate these disputes by disclosing your intentions to continue with the marriage and relation no matter what happens , to reassure the other about your thinking and that these issues are very temporary and the factors harming the other are merely pretending to do so because the actual mindset with which you are into this marriage is only the truth that the other must know rest is fake and sublime.
A couple in the marriage or relationship must stand with each other in every problem or distress and must support each other with everything, for marriage is not only joy-some togetherness rather its assimilation and accommodation of both the worlds that come in form of two human beings to come together to be identified as one whole .
जो जुड़ी मुझसे एक और “मैं”
“मैं” कहाँ अब बन गया था “तू”
और इस “तू – मैं” में मिला ना कोई क्लू
वो मेरे दर पर दरोगा साहब को ले आए
कभी जो कहती थी “डार्लिंग” प्यार से
अब बदला लिवा रही है वो मार-धाड़ से
रिश्तों का उलझता ताना बना सुलझाते
थक चूका हूँ मैं अब इस बर्बादी से
तौबा करता हूँ मैं इस शादी से
अब डालेगी डकैती बनकर कुलक्ष्मी
कहाँ छुटकर जाऊं इस कोर्ट कचहरी से
लाइलाज बन चुकी हैं बीमारी अब 498 a
क्यों मेरे प्राणों की प्यासी बन चुकी हैं वो
की डार्लिंग क्यूँ खर्चती हो इतना सारा पैसा ?
मेरी आमंदनी है अट्ठन्नी और तुम खर्चती हो रुपईय्या
इतना कहने पर ही तुमने डूबा दी मेरे अरमानो की नईय्या
“आप”,” तुम” कहते करते कब बन गया ” मैं” से “तू”
बना गयी 498a ,dv, crpc 125 अब मेरे जीवन का सार
मुझसे ज्यादा तुझे है सच्चे इंसान की पहचान
न चाहत जगाओ अब सोने दो मुझे
इस चाहत में बिगड़े थे सपनो के किले
ना फैसला किया न सोचा यह दिल
बस बनाता गया मुझे उनके काबिल
जो टूटे इस कदर रिश्तों भरे वादे
ना मैं समझी ना मेरी वफ़ा
यू बीच मझदार छोड़ मुझे जब चल दिए,
तब आकर किसीने मेरा हाथ थामा
हैरान थी मैं यह सोच-सोच कर,
क्या मुस्कुरा पाऊँगी कभी इन आंसूओ को पोछकर
कैसे सबकुछ मेरा तुमने बाँट लिया,
हर दुःख भरा लम्हा मेरा तुमने छाँट लिया
मेरे दुःख के हर लम्हे को दिया तुमने तोड़
सब दे दिया इस चाह्त से भी आगे बड़के,
अपनी दुनिया में बसाने, इस समाज से लड़के
जाने किन तुफानो में हो जाती मैं गुम
इस भीड़ में आकर नज़रो से तुमने संभाला,
नज़रो से ही पहनाई मैंने मिलन की वरमाला
जो तुम न होते, तो क्या मैं होती
और जो ना होते, तो क्या सपने संजोती,
बस इस चाह्त भरे ख्वाब को खुली आँखों से देखती,
सच हो सब सपने, मेरे दिल की हर आवाज़ कहती
कोई बंधन अब इतना नहीं मूल्यवान,
ना साथ रहने में ही लिखे सब समाधान
हर जनम का साथी वो सिर्फ मेरा है,
साथ उसके ही जीवन का हर सवेरा है
अब तो डर भी नहीं, ना बंदिश कोई,
चाहतो के प्यार भरे साये में, मैं खोयी
जो तुम हो तो सब कुछ है पास,
जो तुम न हो ,तो न हो कोई आस
हर जीवन के पल में रहे साथ तुम्हारा,
इस नदी की लहरों को मिले किनारा
येही बात और येही जज़्बात,
जोड़े हमे हमेशा एकसाथ
मेरे प्यारे सनम मेरे भोले सनम
तुमको देती मैं आज प्यार की कसम
कि साथ निभाने का दे दो मुझे वचन
A few years back i always thought about getting married and how beautiful the life will be like every girl would have thought , to go places, to see the world , to hold hands, to eat good food , to wear the most fashionable clothes on honeymoon, to love and hug and get love and hugs 24 /7 and forever and ever. I too had such beautiful and exciting thoughts about getting married.
And i did get married and all wasn’t beautiful as it looked like in my case, because i had this picture in my mind that did not fitted well when i saw the other couples and heard their stories of romance and love making and how beautiful it was all in the arranged setup . I still managed for a good time but had to separate soon as things went ugly to awry and so it had to happen because after giving your extreme self to the other, there come’s a time when you have to realize that the heart that beats inside your body is the sound of your soul that wishes to live .
One has to believe that this life is not your or mine or anyone else’s for whom you need to sacrifice not even for your own miseries you dont have to die unless your time comes till that moment you should live with all its struggles, sufferings , good , bad, pain, sorrow, happiness, love etc. I too had my moments where i thought everything is shattered, am in ruins and other stuff about thoughts to die and live no longer, and the best part i was encouraged even more to succumb to my thoughts passively by some people. But i never took the extreme i always prolonged that period of pain further than to fall apart.
I’ve learned and matured in my thoughts and to this day my problems and life struggles haven’t ended, and i have experimented with these feelings that how the other person lives well and am still in troubles, i have thought a way out for this too, i think i haven’t seen this person’s complete life what is there in his/her life , how bad or good his time will be or how he she would suffer or die i do not know, so would i still be willing to compare or desire his/her life or even exchange it . No ,not for once i hold my karma and my consequences as my own and i would never wish to change it with anyone else’s .
Believe you me even today after all that i still struggle and there’s so much in my life that needs to be well placed. After separation i lived quite peacefully and met a good person on a legal portal, he too is separated and still struggling a lot without a job and money, and its been like this since the last 2 years and more, we have been with each other in rough times and holding each other, where we have least hopes for our marriage or a comfortable life in future, we shall have to do a lot to make ends meet. But we are not afraid to do that even because we will be together is what we care for.
Had it been like this, that only we two were concerned forever it could be easier but then, the sad part is the mix of two families our well settled wealthy relatives and friends who lead life of luxuries always keep asking about when, where, how, why and what of our life’s, thank god i have got so much strength and courage to put a really great shape and face in front of them and even for him, we dont open up easily. I keep assuring everyone about our future and we shall live good and he will get a job soon he is trying hard.
We have never given up on hope , to live a positive life with good thoughts , we struggle and cherish this period of struggle because we know we have met each other that was the best thing that could happen to us, we cry one hour but feel OK the other hour. i dont know where this enormous strength has come to us that we have suffered so much, that we are toughened by these circumstances and we just hope and wait for our days to change and let the sun shine for us .
Whenever am in trouble and have depression like feelings i always think that at least am alive to correct it and life is much greater than the problems itself, so why t worry as this period will go away , maybe it becomes a long period end-up in years but still it will end someday, it cannot remain forever. And believe its encouraging to think that you live good to change things , think of other things where you are killed by some mad person or die in a freak accident , its best that god has given you this chance and you are alive and able to transform the bad to good.
No wonder life is full of phases of good and bad but its best to endure in that time it can last for years and years but you still need to put up a smiling face before the society and friends so that they cannot know what you face, as only a percent of people will understand you and you never know which percent is that. So its best to keep your life and struggles to yourself it gives you courage strength and wisdom to continue and grow in life.