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After few months of joy we started feeling very lonely. Nobody visits us, nor we are invited anywhere. There are no weddings to attend and even no parties. In clubs and malls there still remains this feeling of being alone even after seeing so many faces eating under the same roof but over different tables. We hardly know anyone, talking is out of context altogether.
There are highs and lows of living in a township, I never thought I would be here after living in suburban colony, it seemed as a new light but this light was dim and dull unlike the local colonies that always had a bright spark about them.
Not to mention the people; here in township are not very warm and not very gentle, though I cannot conclude much about this, since I haven’t talked to any in particular but every person carry an aura around them, and I tend to sense that along with the vibrations when they walk around me. I hardly find anyone approachable enough to start a conversation and the once that may be, my bad luck; I haven’t had their vibrations felt as yet.
It feels very lonely when you’re on your own even when you have a family you still feel out of place, because living in your hometown is much different than living in a township that too miles away. There are hardly any relatives and friends around whereas in your hometown every moment becomes an occasion on their arrival; not to forget the festivals get their own charm when you don’t have to celebrate alone.
Today living in a township is embellished with a taste of monotony and loneliness. One barely finds time for another. If at all there are some connections in between people; then there’s always some unequal distance that cannot be travelled by their inner Ego’s because everyone here, has an identity that’s not reflected by their inner souls but more by the position and status they conduct in society.
The township plays a crucial role in the development of one’s psychological wellbeing where slowly and steadily the process of desensitization takes place. What happens behind the closed doors remains behind the closed doors, we do not want to get involved since we don’t know them, is the rule of the thumb and we go by that.
We tend to get ourselves busy and the feeling that we are not connected embeds deep into us, we connote this as a suitable technique for a hassle free and stress free survival in times like today where helping has become a hassle and being connected means putting up with another in every situation they face. This is the brutal reality that we counter everyday and realising and knowing it won’t make any difference, and many factors have contributed in its growth.
Maybe it’s not the township, it’s the people who have changed or this has been like this since eons and I am living it now.
Every day supressed
It will go on like this
No change no bliss
Living in a hell
Ringing all the bell
Love labour lost
City count cost
One in one out
Disappear no shout
No one will come
When you’re done
Stand up and wipe
Smile again life
Alive is you
Isn’t that true
Shilpi C. Sinha
I was all happy and glee after i got married and settled with my hubby separately and away from my mum’s home that always bustled with the energy of my niece and nephew, And where work began before morning and i could never exactly figure out when will i end up in bed maybe past midnight or even more.
So suddenly i was all the more happy thinking now there’s no work and i can sleep, eat and freak at my own will but then came the loneliness, i could feel it even more because i have never been accustomed to living alone , i was always surrounded by people since school, college, work , home and i never felt like living without people was so difficult.
Because when i was living with them, all my life i felt like breaking away from them and taking sanyas and spending few years of my life alone before i get married and maybe not. I thought this many a times in my life because living in a family is not only the place where your parents, siblings and juniors influence you but also your immediate neighbors, relatives and even colleagues interfere a lot with your daily work and bread.
And so i waited and waited for my marriage to happen, the day ill be free to go on a living spree !
At first it looked nice and fresh since the honeymoon period was going on and all you think about is love and making love to my hubby. Then as the days go by i could feel an urge to go out and find work since i had left my job after marriage and moved to another city with him.
I kept exploring all possible options since working in a new place isn’t easy and there were language and cultural barriers, so i gave up looking for job and instead focused on myself thinking after all i had worked so much i must relax and enjoy doing nothing.
Days became months and months became a year, and this feeling of being alone even when we are both present hasn’t changed a bit, i wonder how do the other couples manage to live alone.I often convey my hubby about the random thoughts that cross my minds to alleviate these feelings of loneliness in me, like we must get his parents here to live with us, or that i will have at least 4 kids so that my home is always filled with noise and i keep watching little people crawling around .
He looks so much amused hearing all this but never denies me for doing anything even bringing my stupidest thoughts to reality and conforming them that they will be done.
All this and more hasn’t helped me a lot, this inner craving for people around has made me cry a lot and feel sad every time my parents, brother’s family and in laws visit me and come here to live with us for few days.
Their short duration visit’s make me even more vulnerable, i feel depressed and just cannot live alone and it get’s worse when my hubby has a tour which is for 2 or 5 days, i panic out and buy tickets immediately for home since i just cannot live by myself.
I don’t know why it happens but this need for attachment makes me weak and vulnerable, I am aware of my abilities and think am too strong to live alone and even handle everything in life ever since childhood since i have been brought up like that only, but what has happened now, something has changed in me and i cannot figure out what it is.
There’s nothing wrong externally, but everything that is wrong is internal, i have realized that soon after am left alone, when hubby goes to office or some tour my mind jumps around over the thoughts wagon and it turns on the sad mode where i think that now am alone, what next, what next, it goes around exploring bringing files and folders from past, when i was home around with everyone and how many times in my present home i felt elated to see my little nephew crawling around and how we all slept on the floor together over the mattresses in one room chatting all night.
It doesn’t stop anywhere it goes on and on, oscillating from one memory to another, all related to my being surrounded by people and constantly poking my conscious about the happiness factor that only happens when am with those people.
Now this has to stop, i cannot stop my thoughts though i can control them to some limits where i can consciously and deliberately attempt not to think about that at all and focus on the present moment like i now practice looking at the trees from my balcony ,read a book, focus on some TV serials, prioritize my thoughts and randomly select the ones that suits my present moment and upon the availability of the factors that will contribute and enhance them .
In totality the onus of changing thoughts is upon us, I am now aware that if you let these thoughts acquire you even starting from a single one, it will start a chain reaction and then you will be completely submerged into the sea of thoughts where it will become more difficult and harder to get out dry and alive. The thing is not to let even the slightest single thought affect or get onto you.
This way a lot of everyday problems can be handled, the feeling of loneliness or being alone is just one of them . Every problem is internally located somewhere in our mind, we have to deliberately find and fix the thoughts first its like debugging, to find and delete all the bad files first that corrupt the hardware that is our mind.
I feel a bit too pushy to write this post since recently I’ve been writing mostly about Ayurveda Health and Beauty remedies for my other blog Health & Healing ie . http://shilpirajput.wordpress.com/.
So it is like going on and off beat with Writing stuff considering the wide varieties of topics I’ve laid my hands on.
But today its not completely different nor anything new, i recently shared a post about how i felt about the social media , the use of Facebook and how i felt the need to deactivate my account every now and then. click link to read https://thoughtsummary.wordpress.com/2014/04/30/%E0%A4%A6%E0%A4%BF%E0%A4%B2-%E0%A4%95%E0%A4%B0%E0%A4%A4%E0%A4%BE-%E0%A4%B9%E0%A5%88-deactivate-%E0%A4%95%E0%A4%B0%E0%A4%A6%E0%A5%82/
My fears were sleeping in my sub conscious till some time, but now they have occupied every zone of my conscious since i got this mail, that said ” SOMEBODY REQUESTED A NEW PASSWORD FOR YOUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNT ”
I must say that looking at those words that stormed my email 3 to 4 times yesterday, i felt like i was witnessing some scene of Final Destination movie and the cues i received from reading here and there and from my own expanded imagination , all turned into reality and that my fingers started searching for alphabets on my laptop, i was shaking and shivering, desperately in need of doing something, to fix it all up.
I was literally feeling discomfort, not knowing whether some changes have been made to my profile already by this “SOMEBODY” or not, the seconds passed like a million years and to top it all my livid memories and defunct imagination was highlighting all sorts of stuff right before my eyes, like my images all chopped and cropped into bikini models, or my status updates going “looking for wild stuff tonight” .
God I cannot tell in measures about the ridiculousness of my thoughts and that it didn’t see any bounds , all kinds of weird stuff surrounded me that very moment and it was just a few seconds that had passed.
I mustered a lot of courage to Log into my account to check if there has been any change, as if my mind was telling me it has changed already, ” go why not see it, something is cooler than yourself !”
Thankfully nothing was there it was all “AS IT IS” , silent and sober, i communicated about the password change request to Facebook help center , and later on managed to change my passwords as well, so was the fear that i changed not only Facebook but some other Important account passwords as well, All in all the process i was cursing myself as to why i share so much information , pics , updates, check Ins etc.
Now all that now is OK am still continuing with my luck with Facebook and constantly checking my email for updates on any more intrusions into my account.
I wonder why couldn’t i still Delete or Deactivate my account , its all due to the addiction of virtual friends, the constant need for attention, and becoming little hero’s and heroines of our mini social world. This lust for attention and sharing the glamorous side of our life makes us feel proud , alive and more lively, as if life is nothing more than a Selfie or a Check In update at a 7 star hotel.
We are all addicted to this life that’s make us feel part of the Crowd and that we are no less than stars , and that our life is grand and we do everything Grand .
This becomes a habit, a serious change in behavior happens that leads to depression and other psychological problems, for everything you share becomes a ritual if not done, leads to serious mental breakdown of self. In all this while, people who prey on you get to know you so very well that they will try to take advantage of all this.
And we unknowingly keep sharing and sharing more stuff, then one day its all over with a HACK that shreds our life apart.
Am happy for am not such a share addict and have been limiting myself from sharing everything since my life is not so so glamorous neither am I a Hot Pot of Glam !
I thank myself for being the EXTRA ….ORDINARY and Dear God , tell me “WHO IN THE WORLD IS THIS SOMEBODY, WHO”S STUPID ENOUGH TO BE THIS MUCH INTERESTED IN MY NON GLAMOROUS & NOT SO HAPPENING LIFE.
Help him or her to know that they are wasting their precious time on me. hhahahhahahahaahha Lolz :
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5. It even helps in curing mouth ulcers. Mix a banana in half cup cow’s milk and add cardamom powder to this. Lick this 2…
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न चाहत जगाओ अब सोने दो मुझे
इस चाहत में बिगड़े थे सपनो के किले
ना फैसला किया न सोचा यह दिल
बस बनाता गया मुझे उनके काबिल
जो टूटे इस कदर रिश्तों भरे वादे
जाने किन तुफानो में हो जाती मैं गुम
इस भीड़ में आकर नज़रो से तुमने संभाला,
नज़रो से ही पहनाई मैंने मिलन की वरमाला
जो तुम न होते, तो क्या मैं होती
और जो ना होते, तो क्या सपने संजोती,
बस इस चाह्त भरे ख्वाब को खुली आँखों से देखती,
सच हो सब सपने, मेरे दिल की हर आवाज़ कहती
कोई बंधन अब इतना नहीं मूल्यवान,
ना साथ रहने में ही लिखे सब समाधान
हर जनम का साथी वो सिर्फ मेरा है,
साथ उसके ही जीवन का हर सवेरा है
अब तो डर भी नहीं, ना बंदिश कोई,
चाहतो के प्यार भरे साये में, मैं खोयी
जो तुम हो तो सब कुछ है पास,
जो तुम न हो ,तो न हो कोई आस
हर जीवन के पल में रहे साथ तुम्हारा,
इस नदी की लहरों को मिले किनारा
येही बात और येही जज़्बात,
जोड़े हमे हमेशा एकसाथ
मेरे प्यारे सनम मेरे भोले सनम
तुमको देती मैं आज प्यार की कसम
कि साथ निभाने का दे दो मुझे वचन
Hope is a beautiful thing, it encourages and inspires the imagination within you to see and dream all good that should happen in your life. it gives you the wings to keep faith alive and your spirits high even after seeing and going through all darkness in life events, one feels good again that one day, there will be light.
Dreams and imagination see no bounds, no borders or boundaries, they jump, leap and bounce over, go ahead to keep moving, all this happens to keep you alive and happy.
Imagination holds such richness that embodies and bold ens the realms of the inner self that dances freely as if no one sees, and really none can see what you imagine with eyes open or closed.
Isn’t it a beautiful thing that nourishes and encourages you within yourself without the help of anyone else, you help yourself have the innate inbuilt strength to pick up the broken pieces that you fix and fit in your imaginative thoughts. It empowers and strengthens the pure self leaving the ego aside .
The self is cherished where, you be how you want and what you want to be like, the way you see yourself midst different situations and how you feel at peace and comfort with those fragments of glorious thoughts that brightens you with peaceful smiles and contentment that everything is good about life and for that moment there’s nothing you need to worry about.
The imagination holds the key to keep living life consistently, because if it were not like this then there would have been numerous attempts of suicides and depression cases around the world and no wonder whole of the planet would have been filled with people with pessimists and negative thoughts and attitudes. Imagination helps to counter the weak and bleak spots of life that ruins and disintegrates a persons inner mental set.
Imagination helps and gives the fresh appeal to the mind that lifts you up from the sad real situation and lets you dwell in the situations that you find in goodness and love or even the situations that make you feel good and loved. it helps to change and reset the past and make it happen as you want it to be, where you feel right about what you could do consciously.
Conscious efforts in thoughts helps you to be at peace where you are able to do the right things at right time and you feel great for having the positiveness reconnected to your soul where it lets you to reflect upon the divinity that resides within you.
Imagination is a cure arranged by god within our mental frame that helps us to relive life after every bad so that we do not succumb to life situations and keep living with hope and faith that only comes through Imagining about great things that should happen to us in life.
So keep that imagination going on, for every thing you desire starts with your own imagination.
Its a fight everyday, to sail through good and bad, is no easy task. One has to slip and slide in good times wishing that it remains constant and uninterrupted.
But to forget it as soon as the shadows of bad phase surface’s, which puts on hold everything, you may think should stop or imagine has stopped, only to make you realize that now it will be a very long time and you cannot pass this that easily. Every minute seems an hour and every hour may go like a year when you happen to experience a bad phase of life and it may prolong for, hours, days and even some years.
What contributes to these feelings of good and bad phase happy or depressing is a much deeper fact, where life is an unending journey of the human being who from conception to death has to suffer or struggle and manage it all in between, be it mentally or physically.
The cause of every bad and good in our life is because of one and only one reason that is ATTACHMENT. this attachment to any thing can stem from material or non material choices we make and even if it concerns to Human or any other creatures we feel attached to .It is therefore the core concern for the suffering that is brought unanimously during different stages of life.
The Need for attachment is in every sense fulfilling, realizing and relieves us from the sense of being alone and deprived of social connectivity. So in a way we are Dependent for our happiness, anger, love, pain, depression, death or life upon others , we just cannot refrain form this attachment the need to be dependent the need to have someone around us even if it makes us suffer or not.
This creates all the problem where a person can just not be attached with himself/herself and is constantly in need to belong to anyone anywhere. Our emotions are no longer controlled by us , rather we are tamed by the forces outside that recover whatever kind of response or reaction they want from us.
Beginning your day from getting up, even if you hadn’t slept the whole night, you make haste for work ignoring your peace ,you do the chores ignoring your health, you skip the meal ignoring your hunger, you reach on time ignoring your heart that runs fast and the list goes on where you ignore about “Your Self” a lot only to get along in the mad race to make others happy, to get that acceptance, and approval so much that this world runs everyday, to achieve those even at the cost of physical and mental well being.
As its known that death is a certainty and no one can overcome it, but still we run expecting that we will live to see what will happen ignoring the truth that our life is not our own, we have no control over it, so how can we let the others control what happens between life and death, it is the god who controls it so just surrender.
Its a pity to see people working all their life to collect more and more and one day their cord snaps away, the shroud doesn’t have any pockets wonder what will they take along with them. Nor you can take your property, your gold, nor money nor your loved ones , they dont die after you if you were to pass away or do they ? much rare it is.
The need is to see and feel that life is not to be wasted like this, it needs to be glorified by doing good karma and deeds that bring you peace and calm, a simple hour of meditation or feeding the poor kids can bring you a lot more peace of mind than sitting in the air conditioned room and watching the mountains through a glass window and not able to breathe fresh flowers or air. Its best to keep your control ie your remote with your self rather than giving it in the hands of all these . One must realize that their life is meant to be carried out all alone. As we tend to perceive good or bad through people, events or things we come in contact with, their attachment or detachment triggers the generation of certain emotions in us that we should learn to control and detach from.
On similar lines i recall the teachings of Mahatma Gautama Buddha who had attained this truth through enlightenment and presented the same as the four noble truths.:
The Four Noble Truths:
And that following the Noble Eightfold Path is the means to accomplish this.
The above mentioned teachings by Gautama Buddha if followed can create a harmony of the body, mind and soul. we have so much to look into to ascertain the real truth of life and the meaning of it, so that we all have a purposeful and peaceful medium to cherish our life as a whole rather accomplishing it in parts.
In our Upanishads, the Vedas,the Bhagwad Gita and many more, can lead us to self realization and attainment of enlightenment that would unleash us from the vicious cycle of life, from the fear of miseries,n attachment, unknown and death. There’s so much in this one life to know,that remains unexplored because we tend to run after a good package for a year that would suffice our lower order needs. And in the end after having done the normal routine work of your life that every other man or woman does, one shall die but there always would remain an urge in the next life or this life, as when shall we break free from this attachment and desires through Enlightenment.
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