I was all happy and glee after i got married and settled with my hubby separately and away from my mum’s home that always bustled with the energy of my niece and nephew, And where work began before morning and i could never exactly figure out when will i end up in bed maybe past midnight or even more.
So suddenly i was all the more happy thinking now there’s no work and i can sleep, eat and freak at my own will but then came the loneliness, i could feel it even more because i have never been accustomed to living alone , i was always surrounded by people since school, college, work , home and i never felt like living without people was so difficult.
Because when i was living with them, all my life i felt like breaking away from them and taking sanyas and spending few years of my life alone before i get married and maybe not. I thought this many a times in my life because living in a family is not only the place where your parents, siblings and juniors influence you but also your immediate neighbors, relatives and even colleagues interfere a lot with your daily work and bread.
And so i waited and waited for my marriage to happen, the day ill be free to go on a living spree !
At first it looked nice and fresh since the honeymoon period was going on and all you think about is love and making love to my hubby. Then as the days go by i could feel an urge to go out and find work since i had left my job after marriage and moved to another city with him.
I kept exploring all possible options since working in a new place isn’t easy and there were language and cultural barriers, so i gave up looking for job and instead focused on myself thinking after all i had worked so much i must relax and enjoy doing nothing.
Days became months and months became a year, and this feeling of being alone even when we are both present hasn’t changed a bit, i wonder how do the other couples manage to live alone.I often convey my hubby about the random thoughts that cross my minds to alleviate these feelings of loneliness in me, like we must get his parents here to live with us, or that i will have at least 4 kids so that my home is always filled with noise and i keep watching little people crawling around .
He looks so much amused hearing all this but never denies me for doing anything even bringing my stupidest thoughts to reality and conforming them that they will be done.
All this and more hasn’t helped me a lot, this inner craving for people around has made me cry a lot and feel sad every time my parents, brother’s family and in laws visit me and come here to live with us for few days.
Their short duration visit’s make me even more vulnerable, i feel depressed and just cannot live alone and it get’s worse when my hubby has a tour which is for 2 or 5 days, i panic out and buy tickets immediately for home since i just cannot live by myself.
I don’t know why it happens but this need for attachment makes me weak and vulnerable, I am aware of my abilities and think am too strong to live alone and even handle everything in life ever since childhood since i have been brought up like that only, but what has happened now, something has changed in me and i cannot figure out what it is.
There’s nothing wrong externally, but everything that is wrong is internal, i have realized that soon after am left alone, when hubby goes to office or some tour my mind jumps around over the thoughts wagon and it turns on the sad mode where i think that now am alone, what next, what next, it goes around exploring bringing files and folders from past, when i was home around with everyone and how many times in my present home i felt elated to see my little nephew crawling around and how we all slept on the floor together over the mattresses in one room chatting all night.
It doesn’t stop anywhere it goes on and on, oscillating from one memory to another, all related to my being surrounded by people and constantly poking my conscious about the happiness factor that only happens when am with those people.
Now this has to stop, i cannot stop my thoughts though i can control them to some limits where i can consciously and deliberately attempt not to think about that at all and focus on the present moment like i now practice looking at the trees from my balcony ,read a book, focus on some TV serials, prioritize my thoughts and randomly select the ones that suits my present moment and upon the availability of the factors that will contribute and enhance them .
In totality the onus of changing thoughts is upon us, I am now aware that if you let these thoughts acquire you even starting from a single one, it will start a chain reaction and then you will be completely submerged into the sea of thoughts where it will become more difficult and harder to get out dry and alive. The thing is not to let even the slightest single thought affect or get onto you.
This way a lot of everyday problems can be handled, the feeling of loneliness or being alone is just one of them . Every problem is internally located somewhere in our mind, we have to deliberately find and fix the thoughts first its like debugging, to find and delete all the bad files first that corrupt the hardware that is our mind.
The plight of a Genuine but Not powerful Employee ..
Now when you are out of your mother’s womb and away from your parents caresses and pamper, you must fend for yourself with available help that others have to offer in such times, and many times even alone. And when you are out to survive to earn your bread if not for yourself, you may do it for those who survive because of you.
So here begins the never ending road of survival full of struggles. I can barely accept a life minus troubles at any place home, neighborhood, society, roads, parking’s malls, whoa and even the place where you work for a reason, the place where freedom exists in the Constitution but you may not have the same freedom as an Employee and to this day am genuinely unaware of an Employee Rights be it Government or Private sector, whcih ones are finctional and whcih ones are deni.
To forecast the future in an organisation is somewhat vague, you jump with joy on getting a job but realize it, after some days that this place or work is not meant for you and if at all, it is meant then it can only be occasioned best in two situations where, “you may like the job profile,but not the working conditions, or, you may like the working conditions but not the job profile”.
It may be rare to find sync with both the aspects.
Here the most significant factor that perturbs me to write an account on behalf of my colleagues and friends, to share their helplessness and what defunct s them, as they slog , unwillingly and unattended to their own cause. Its not about “Adjustment” at all , everyone does so unless their comes a point where they either have to “Bend or Break”.
I believe there’s more than what meets the eye, employees feel devoid of rights many a times, for n number of reasons, and prominently it has been Office Politics, favoritism, non observance of employee past or present records, unhealthy competition, lack of empathy, lack of cohesiveness among team members , negative behavior on part of Bosses , managers and even Human resource persons who lack practical application of those theoretical facts they have read all this time.
The most important in all this is the role of the HR manager who have an exit interview with the person who separates form the organization should be thoroughly questioned in a empathetic manner moreover it can be conducted by the third party, it would be more transparent and unbiased. As they they can evaluate the pros and cons of the organization as well along with the employees reasons for quitting.And such reports should be escalated to the Bosses who conclude it in an unbiased way and over finding no fault of the employee should try retaining the employee in the organization by making improvements.
Moreover i should not forget to mention about the “Contracts” having ridiculous clauses in them, which should be considered by some change makers who may work for creating better employee conditions to do away with unjustifiable clauses that may harm an employees legitimate rights as per constitutional rights.
Here i cannot refrain myself from putting a similar situation, justifiably in view of above mentioned reasons, which happened some time back : when i was taken by shocked, not at all intimated, never applied for and not even a single ground being mentioned as to why or for what reason i were transferred and felt disheartened and disoriented, as i had to give up on my kids with whom i had shared a bond that was about to go on for many more years to come and believed that i have been with these kids, taught them, loved them and shared the world with them, i got transferred to some other school. Am not happy with the system that does not realize the value of this nurtured and hard earned relationship of kids, a teacher secures, the rapport she shares, is hard to contrive. One doesn’t even come to know of their spouse in so many years, but here i had touched and nurtured 80 kids since beginning.
In the same way i can relate this “officeisms” where my fiance was Overburdened and many a times taken away the responsibility he had in his previous job. the people who are up in the hierarchy at workplace hold power positions, and distinguish themselves in signatures that work for them. they actually work as per requirement, fitting the blocks in the board is what they care about, not to think beyond “Fitting” and “Requirement”.
Its a Pandora’s box, and none is keen to open this, the above situation is a fragment of the major portion of problems that surrounds the system and structure in offices,
The problem becomes more insignificant when people do not stand for injustice nor complain, because employment is a need, and this need becomes helplessness and people take advantage of such helplessness where they keep throwing the pandemonium for employees in offices.
I hope that the system in every organisation changes for good, where there are rules books are followed and the employee rights are mentioned, through government policies which help the private and public sector employees to eliminate their helplessness and can work for choice and will.