Tag Archives: belief

Lost ‘My’ Material Identity

Standard

So i was more or less devastated, tensed, felt raw and lost some few hours back ..

Last Thursday me along with my hubby and in laws went to puri in orissa for Jagannath darshan ( Lord Krishna). Since I believed that after marriage and before honeymoon i should go and seek blessings of Maa Vaishno devi at jammu but since my hubby wasn’t able to get enough leave from his office, then everyone decided to go Jagannath as it was not too far and its an overnight journey by train from kolkata.

So we went ahead knowing that it was the time of Rath Yatra and lord Jagannath visits his maternal aunt for few days in a chariot and comes back into the temple where till that time his replica is placed.

Puri Beach :awesome weather and water

Puri Beach :awesome weather and water

So Puri this time is a hot spot for tourists ( mostly Hindus from other states) who flock there to see lord Jagannath and enjoy the Puri Beach, which is an epic beautiful place with all the sea water gushing to and fro and sea waves making sounds.

Here i Must confess that am not a whole hearted bhakt of Lord Krishna , though my hubby loves reading his geeta and currently he is reading Osho’s Geeta Darshan and from his readings he speaks to me of his many teachings and life skills which are very enlightening and realistic. I love listening the bhagwat katha of Krishna and his various Lila’s (maya) but unable to replace the love i have for shiva to him. So still not seriously like i would do when i am to see shiva i went jagannath puri , thinking of shiva as the jagannath unknowingly.

During the  morning we were not able to see  lord Jagannath, there being a huge crowd of  people jostling , fighting and pushing others just to climb on the chariot of lord jagannath, and even the other two chariots of subhadra ( Krishna’s sister ) and Balaram ( Krishna ‘s elder brother) that had equal share of people fighting to reach atop.  As if this ordeal was less in grace there were many pandits who snatched away the hands of the people who thought could shell out loads of cash to see the lord , they clutch the hand so tightly swearing by god that they will make you see and do the puja of lord jagnannth even in this endless sea of people standing and pushing in the invisible ques where the pandits were not spared the policemen s lathi ( wooden stick ).

IMG_20130720_080126

All this time i was being pushed and twitched in the crowd but thanks to my hubby he never left my ‘body’ alone And between all this time i kept comforting my mother in law, as she was unable to bear the heat, sun and reckless people who shoved her and pulled her spectacles out of her sight, i kept soothing her saying its just for once and if not possible we will go back to the hotel. Finally we were not able to make it and upon a pandits advice we decided to come back in afternoon as he said that is the time when there are less people and we can do the puja and darshan.

So before the afternoon we bathed in the rain and sea water on the beach and went back for darshan, it seemed the crowd was less but then all of a sudden the people in the que grew more and more there were not one or two or three lines rather no lines at all it was again a crowd  that grew more and more around us and we began to feel the heat. Again the same pushing , pulling begun and this time it was more humiliating since the the police personnel’s who were trying to control the crowds actually hit the people anywhere they felt right in a fit of rage, actually they were also helpless controlling so many people was a tough task. so we still managed and struggled for about 2 hours or more just to see lord jagannath once ,but to no avail we went back to the tea stalls nearby for some water and refreshments.

View of Lord jagannath from a stall taken just before the loss.

View of Lord jagannath from a stall taken just before the loss.

As soon i opened my handbag for keeping my mobile phone after taking pictures of lord jagannath, i was shocked to see my handbag  ripped open , cut from behind and my brown wallet was gone, it had all the identity proofs like voter Id card , driving license, pan card, debit card with good cash amount , my gold chain and engagement ring and even my hubby’s engagement ring, that i had kept safely in it before going to the beach as i feared losing them while bathing because water softens the hand and rings may lose their grip.

I was stupefied and helpless for some time maybe an hour or so, but inside i was thinking that i had this intuition before, that i was about to lose my brown wallet in this the trip and as if i was wanting it to go. I don’t know why but i never put my little earrings in that wallet i put them into the small chains of my handbag, and it was that day i did not do so.

To narrate what i felt at that moment is something very bold and complicated because there was sense of loss but there was actually not that much of pain , i had to forgo almost things worth 2 lac and more and its a huge amount for me really huge, but why i did not feel so so sad as to have almost a week full of guilt, pain anger, cursing the thief , or just going berserk.

To this day even, I haven’t spoken of any ill for the thief though i just imagine the look on his face when he would see how fool i was to keep all that for him and how he would dance with joy and happiness on getting such a good deal, even though its not as if his whole life would change, but its more than enough to keep him high on spirits. anyhow we registered the FIR and had to devalue the value of the gold and cash that was stolen since we had to immediately procure the receipt of those ornaments in order to get the FIR lodged, but who had all that ,at that point of time, so we just thought of getting the FIR so as to apply for identity cards as soon as possible and more because we were not in our home town and for me i was even more far from my mother’s home.

Ever since this incident I haven’t told my mom about it, and thank god she is not aware of my blog nor the Internet. She took so much pains to make that gold ring for my hubby by giving her own gold ornaments of her marriage for making that ring. I feel doomed at some point of time for being so careless and guilty for losing her hard earned money which she gave for us to keep as we still need a lot of  financial support from both the families and along with this my savings had gone too that i had been doing for so long time .

Now i wish i had bought that Suit or that watch for my hubby and spent the

money at least from my savings , Anyhow if it had to go it had to go no matter what it was, the time that took it away and of course lord jagannath ( Krishna) he is complete mystique a psychologist and the most cleverest and intelligent of all the gods we have, whatever he does is for the good as i know of him.

And now its over i have to pursue for getting all this material identity again which will keep me busy for days to come and its test of my belief and spiritual consciousness and i cannot give all credits to Kanha ( krishna the jagannath)  for enlightening me on this i would give it more to Shiva the Supreme , peaceful, simple and an ascetic with ashes who let’s me be nor happy nor sad in every state. Even after losing all the materialistic things and material identity, i still believe in Shiva, and today its my first Sawan Somvaar Fast as the Fasting Sawan begins today on Poornima, from this day to next 4 Mondays will be somvaar sawan vrat.

And with this firm belief in my lord shiva i know ill be able to break this time as well into pieces and move out of the clutches of loss, which is actually a material loss that was never mine as it would have never gone along with me when i will die. It would only how something i gathered helped the other and thank the lord for he has given me enough potential to gather and give always.

Mother : How You Manage Your’s and Self

Standard

It doesn’t matter where satisfaction, pleasure and spirituality comes from, by doing anything that gives you inner peace and a reflection into the thoughts that make you do good and create good for self or the others is the best thing in the world.

Be it anything from cleaning the floor , digging hands into cow dung, writing a blog, listening songs, dancing , cooking, babbling with a baby or just  looking at the coconut trees.

Whatever can be done in free time that creates peace is something worth considering , not everyone will or can observe that when you do anything like the above or other than that you actually have the courage and ability to be on the right track, not interfering or troubling the others in order to keep you good , you yourself have the innate capacity to manage yourself and your peace.

Isn’t it a blessing and the greatest courage for all the housewife’s who do it and have the greatest capacity to look after them and their loved ones not bothering them even if they feel empty a lot of times , its just them and their world that they can create with their child , kitchen, home and everything that’s there in it.

Salute to the courage our mother’s have who have been running their household and office as well. It couldn’t have been without their strength and support that our fathers work peacefully and we get the greatest food everyday.

And am just new to all these experiences but i have the ability to recognize and reflect upon this greatest truths that i have unraveled that how my mother could manage so much and not only home but managing Herself as well that’s really a tough thing to do when you live all alone all day.

Beyond Love and Everything

Standard

With the grace and blessings of Lord Shiva, am happy to share some great news with everyone,that is par happiness and beyond my expectations . With so much strains and struggles finally my love is freed of his struggles and miseries. now we can happily be with each other after years of separation, wait, and tears that mingled with hope and prayers that one day it will change and end for there has to be good. 

A beautiful light after all these years of darkness and gloom we finally embrace each other and our lives to live together. though we are still left with little hurdles like he needs to get a job but that isn’t coming our way to get together now.

And am sure Shiv baba will take care of everything .

In all these times i never gave up on Shiv ji, i accepted the bad phase along the good and thanked him still for keeping me and him alive in all these traumatic situations that went through us and meant nothing but to break us and break our spirits .

I still prayed, fasted, hoped and believed in Shiv baba and my prayers did reach him with all my heart, and it happened that he answered them in such a beautiful way i could never ever imagine.

Am more than happy today and hopeful to see the coming days for there is balance that has to happen in life of everyone. 

Along this i wish that everyone out there with their struggles and pain should not give up on hope there will be good there will be balance , you just need to wait and keep your faith alive .

Continue with your prayers and rituals never give up on them in bad times, for there is God and he is listening its just that there’s a long queue before you and for sure your turn will come. Just hang on. 

Jap Tap Vrat : Bhakti

Standard

तप में है बल                20120621_004

कुछ महीनो पूर्व मैं हरिद्वार गयी थी, जहाँ मुझे बहुत सुकून और राहत महसूस की, पवित्र गंगा जल में डूबकी लगाकर सूर्य देव को नमन कर मन में महसूस हुआ की शायद बरसो पुराने वक़्त के कर्मो की बुनी चादर जैसे बह गयी हो और उस जल धरा में  मेरे नए जीवन का संचार हुआ है ऐसा प्रतीत हुआ

 गंगा घाट पर बैठे दूर – दूर तक पानी ही पानी और इतना ठंडा जल शारीर के स्पर्श में आते ही सब गर्मी मानो चुरा ले गया हो और सब निराशा उड़ा ले रहा हो। सर से पैर तक तन में निर्मलता, स्वछता एवं शीतलता उत्पन्न हो गयी। 

गंगा जल का वेग बहुत ही तेज़ होता था मुझे लगा जैसे मेरे पैरो को घाट की सीडियों पर टिकाना बहुत मुश्किल होता जा रहा है ,पर मैंने तो निश्चय किया था की डुबकी लेनी है पैर से सर तक, पानी के भीतर होकर ही। और इसी दौरान शायद गंगा मैय्या को मेरी भक्ति इतनी पसंद आई की मेरे पाओ उठाकर वो चलने लगी, पर भला हो उन ज़ंजीरो का जिसकी वजह से आज मैं यहाँ बैठ कर लिख पा रही हूँ। 

 हरिद्वार में आरती देखने के  संग- संग भजन और जय कारे लगाने का अलग ही अनुभव होता है। शाम होते ही पानी में सब तरफ फूलो में सजे दीप बहुत सुन्दर लगते है , मैंने भी   दीप जलाये और हाथो से श्रद्धा के फूलो को उस पावन जल में प्रवाह किया। सच मे घाट पर बैठकर पैरो को पानी में डूबाये और उस शांत जल धारा के वेग को देखते रहना बहुत अच्छा लगता है।जगह जगह छोटी बड़ी पहाड़ियां और शिव भगवान की मूर्ति को देखते रहना और मनन करना अत्यनत सुखदाई अनुभव होता है। 

यह एहसास कुछ ही पलो का होता है, हालाँकि आपके और मेरे जीवन में ऐसे बहुत से सांसारिक एहसास होते होंगे या हो रहे होंगे, पर मैं जिस एहसास और अनुभव की बात कर  रही हूँ वो ज़िन्दगी में कुछ ही लोग पूर्ण कर पाते है। 

वो इसलिए की ज़रूरी नहीं की आप भगवन के दर्शन करना चाहेंगे तो कभी भी जा सकेंगे, क्यूंकि यह तभी मुमकिन है जब भगवन आपको दर्शन देने का बुलावा भेजे, नहीं तो इतने सालों से मेरी तीव्र इच्छा है की मैं माँ  वैष्णो देवी के दरबार जाऊं और माँ के दर्शन करू पर रूकावटे, अर्चने और कुछ निजी जीवन की समस्याए ऐसी है की मैं अब प्रतिज्ञा बद्ध हो गयीं हूँ हठ समझ लीजिये या जो कहिये, की जब मेरा विवाह संपन्न होगा मैं तभी दर्शन के लिए जाउंगी अपने जीवन साथी के साथ माँ के दरबार माँ के चरणों में। 

    यह सोचते -सोचते यह भी विचार आता है की “तप” की महिमा अंतहीन है,  क्यूंकि जिस गंग  के  जल में मुझे इतनी शान्ति और सुकून मिला, वो गंगा मैया के जल को धरती पर   लाने के लिए ऋषि  भागीरथ ने कितने वर्षो की तपस्या की जिसके पश्चात वह धरती पर आई और भगवन शिव ने उनके तेज़ वेग को सँभालने के लिए, उन्हें अपनी जटाओ में    धारण किया तब जाकर कहीं इस प्यासी धरती की प्यास भुजी, पापो का नाश हुआ और मृत जीवो और मनुष्यों को मुक्ति मिली। 

 सोचना सरल है पर निभाना बहुत कठिन, यह जप, तप एव भक्ति मामूली बातें नहीं, हर हफ्ते सोमवार, ब्रहस्पत्वार के व्रत हो या माता के नवरात्रे या एकादशी, शिवरात्रि या दुसरे विशेष व्रत, इनमे एक समय को तो ऐसा लगता है की पेट में लगी आग का क्या किया जाए, पर अन्दर से कुछ शक्ति मिलती रहती है जो व्रत को संपूर्ण करने में तन मन को नियंत्रित करती है जिससे मुझे तप की शक्ति पर विश्वास द्रढ़ हो जाता  है और यह समझने लगी हूँ की इस माया रुपी संसार में ऐसा कुछ भी नहीं जो हम तप से प्राप्त ना कर सके।

True Love’s Journey

Standard

Romantic_couple_love_(2)_large

 

 

 

                                                                                                                    

न चाहत जगाओ अब सोने दो मुझे   

इस चाहत में बिगड़े थे सपनो के किले  

ना फैसला किया न सोचा यह दिल                                                                                                                                 

बस बनाता गया मुझे उनके काबिल                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

 

 

जो टूटे इस कदर रिश्तों भरे वादे 

सपनो  में सजोये थे जो उनसे मिलके,
 
की हुए बेपरवाह वो  क्यूँ  इस तरह

ना मैं  समझी ना मेरी वफ़ा 
 
 
क्या इस दिन के लिए ही चाहा था मुझे
 
जो इश्वर की कसम भी न रोक पाई तुम्हे

यू बीच मझदार छोड़ मुझे जब चल दिए,
 
 हर लम्हा हर वक़्त तन्हाई के मैंने जिए 
 
 
जब भूल चुकी थी चाहत की परिभाषा,

तब आकर किसीने मेरा हाथ थामा

हैरान थी मैं यह सोच-सोच कर,

क्या मुस्कुरा पाऊँगी कभी इन आंसूओ को पोछकर 
 
 
पर यूँ  किसिंने आकर बदल दिए चाहतों के मायेंने,
 
जो न सपनो में थे ना कभी अनजाने 

कैसे सबकुछ मेरा तुमने बाँट लिया,

हर दुःख भरा लम्हा मेरा तुमने छाँट लिया 
 
 
तुमने चाह्त को मेरी दिया एक नया मोड़,

मेरे दुःख के हर लम्हे को दिया तुमने तोड़ 

सब दे दिया इस चाह्त से भी आगे बड़के, 

अपनी दुनिया में बसाने, इस समाज से लड़के
 
 
 
इस कश्ती में सवार न जो होते तुम, 

जाने किन तुफानो में हो जाती मैं गुम

इस भीड़ में आकर नज़रो से तुमने संभाला,

नज़रो से ही पहनाई मैंने मिलन की वरमाला 

 

 

जो तुम न होते, तो क्या मैं होती

और जो ना होते, तो क्या सपने संजोती,

बस इस चाह्त भरे ख्वाब को खुली आँखों से देखती,

सच हो सब सपने, मेरे दिल की  हर आवाज़ कहती 

 

 

कोई बंधन अब इतना नहीं मूल्यवान,

ना साथ रहने में ही लिखे सब समाधान

हर जनम का साथी वो सिर्फ मेरा है,

साथ उसके ही जीवन का हर सवेरा है

 

 

अब तो डर भी नहीं, ना बंदिश कोई, 

चाहतो के प्यार भरे साये में, मैं खोयी

जो तुम हो तो सब कुछ है पास,

जो तुम न हो ,तो न हो कोई आस

 

 

हर जीवन के पल में रहे साथ तुम्हारा,

इस नदी की लहरों को मिले किनारा 

येही बात और येही जज़्बात,

जोड़े हमे हमेशा एकसाथ

 

 

 मेरे प्यारे सनम मेरे भोले सनम 

तुमको देती मैं आज प्यार की कसम 

कि साथ निभाने का दे दो मुझे वचन 

इस जनम से अब हर जनम