Tag Archives: alone

Is it the township or the people ?

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Is it the township or the people ?

After few months of joy we started feeling very lonely. Nobody visits us, nor we are invited anywhere. There are no weddings to attend and even no parties. In clubs and malls there still remains this feeling of being alone even after seeing so many faces eating under the same roof but over different tables. We hardly know anyone, talking is out of context altogether.

There are highs and lows of living in a township, I never thought I would be here after living in suburban colony, it seemed as a new light but this light was dim and dull unlike the local colonies that always had a bright spark about them.

Not to mention the people; here in township are not very warm and not very gentle, though I cannot conclude much about this, since I haven’t talked to any in particular but every person carry an aura around them, and I tend to sense that along with the vibrations when they walk around me. I hardly find anyone approachable enough to start a conversation and the once that may be, my bad luck; I haven’t had their vibrations felt as yet.

It feels very lonely when you’re on your own even when you have a family you still feel out of place, because living in your hometown is much different than living in a township that too miles away. There are hardly any relatives and friends around whereas in your hometown every moment becomes an occasion on their arrival; not to forget the festivals get their own charm when you don’t have to celebrate alone.

Today living in a township is embellished with a taste of monotony and loneliness. One barely finds time for another. If at all there are some connections in between people; then there’s always some unequal distance that cannot be travelled by their inner Ego’s because everyone here, has an identity that’s not reflected by their inner souls but more by the position and status they conduct in society.

The township plays a crucial role in the development of one’s psychological wellbeing where slowly and steadily the process of desensitization takes place. What happens behind the closed doors remains behind the closed doors, we do not want to get involved since we don’t know them, is the rule of the thumb and we go by that.

We tend to get ourselves busy and the feeling that we are not connected embeds deep into us, we connote this as a suitable technique for a hassle free and stress free survival in times like today where helping has become a hassle and being connected means putting up with another in every situation they face. This is the brutal reality that we counter everyday and realising and knowing it won’t make any difference, and many factors have contributed in its growth.

Maybe it’s not the township, it’s the people who have changed or this has been like this since eons and I am living it now.

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Mother : How You Manage Your’s and Self

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It doesn’t matter where satisfaction, pleasure and spirituality comes from, by doing anything that gives you inner peace and a reflection into the thoughts that make you do good and create good for self or the others is the best thing in the world.

Be it anything from cleaning the floor , digging hands into cow dung, writing a blog, listening songs, dancing , cooking, babbling with a baby or just  looking at the coconut trees.

Whatever can be done in free time that creates peace is something worth considering , not everyone will or can observe that when you do anything like the above or other than that you actually have the courage and ability to be on the right track, not interfering or troubling the others in order to keep you good , you yourself have the innate capacity to manage yourself and your peace.

Isn’t it a blessing and the greatest courage for all the housewife’s who do it and have the greatest capacity to look after them and their loved ones not bothering them even if they feel empty a lot of times , its just them and their world that they can create with their child , kitchen, home and everything that’s there in it.

Salute to the courage our mother’s have who have been running their household and office as well. It couldn’t have been without their strength and support that our fathers work peacefully and we get the greatest food everyday.

And am just new to all these experiences but i have the ability to recognize and reflect upon this greatest truths that i have unraveled that how my mother could manage so much and not only home but managing Herself as well that’s really a tough thing to do when you live all alone all day.

Feeling Away

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my sweet niece tiddu whom I miss so much

my sweet niece tiddu whom I miss so much

Everything is superb , nice, awesome and fantastic just the way I thought about life that’s going to be after my marriage and it truly is very nice and comfortable.

But still something’s amiss something makes me sad and cry some, being surrounded by all happiness and goodness I still feel away from them its just about 15 days since I got married but I miss my family my mom, dad , niece, sister in law and my brother, everyone so much, and its more about missing my home and Delhi , the place where I’ve lived since birth.

And here in Kolkata almost thousands miles away from home I feel lost many a times since my transition is yet to begin this is just a fragment of it am with my new mom and dad in their home but next or coming weeks I will shift to another place in Kolkata itself again some 25 miles away from them .

So much to happen , I feel that if my inner state is little troubled this time and there are so many people around me to support and love me , how will I manage without them all alone when my my hubby would be off to work and ill  be alone at home. That is the time I need to think about what will I do and how will I manage my time and emotions .

It will be new for him as well but I have more problems than him, language constraints not knowing Bengali, an old locality unlike the city in Kolkata, away from family and even the lovely maa in law,  and much more that takes rounds in my head. Am unable to think clearly as to how will I live and manage time with emotions.

Sometimes I fear my own feelings as am strong and do not wish to succumb to them, actually I have waited for these moments all my life after going through so many troubles in the past , but then here am and this life and situation is about me and I have to tackle it.

Will get back with more updates as I need all your advice and inputs for my new journey to help me adjust and live in a good mental shape.