Imagination is No Cure

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Every second and every moment of that second am not feeling good , I live in a state of loss , blank, depressed , sad , weak, unable to talk , eat or sleep.

I am not able to comprehend the fact that am so unable to enjoy the happiness of being married and the new life that succeeds, there’s absolutely no problem , people around me are putting good efforts to let me in and give space enough to adjust and live thoroughly.

But I feel like a culprit unable to control my emotions , tears immediately crawl down my face and spread the sadness in me and around me , where my hubby continuously tries to make me calm down even though he is tired and affected by office work , he still loves me and cares for me very much.

I feel guilty for not being able to adapt and accept my present, for am clinging to much to my family at home in Delhi and the longing continuous to grow inside me with every passing day, its just the feeling of being so far away from them that makes me burst into tears, the thought that am no longer with them makes me feel lonely and depressed.

Having been with them for the past 26 years ive never been to hostel, tuitions or any other place away from them not even the relatives or friends night out’s etc . so it makes things more difficult, located into such a different state not being able to meet or see them often makes me choke inside. Had I been located there, then at least i could have had some satisfaction that I can go or they can come to see me and life could have been all pleasant.

But what’s at hand needs to be tackled and imagination is no longer a cure for me now , as I go on thinking like there’s a park near our society I imagine my niece playing on its swings , then I imagine my mother sleeping beside me on my bed , it really makes things even more worse, the fact that am not accepting the reality is breaking me down and even not making things any good for my married life.

Am not interested in anything , I just go about the daily rituals , the daily life chores etc and not even talk or discuss anything with my hubby , it pains me and deeply saddens me when he leaves home for work in the morning , I feel guilty for he remains tensed to see me in such a state day in and day out, so my mental state is making my married life not any good.

Am unable to figure out what will I do to overcome all this mental sadness and longingness. All my wishes , desires, confidence, interests and tastes are becoming numb day after day. I don’t know where to look for help now .

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22 responses »

  1. oh dear sister you are so beautiful in thinking so much about your parents and everybody
    back at home, so very nice of you dear

    but have patience dear gradually things will settle down and you will be happy as ever

    it is mandatory for a girl to get married and settle down somewhere else
    with her husband, it is normal absolutely normal, any girl would feel like that
    but have faith dear little sister you will be okay and feel happy

    you miss your parents and you family so much
    I love that very much dear

    but now you are a housewife and that is you duty and ‘ Dharma ‘
    for we Indians your husbands place is heaven
    and this feeling is initial, not long lasting

    dont worry dear you will be okay I promise that

    and dont forget your beautiful creativity
    you are so wonderful my sister

    my heart loves you so much my little sister
    and blessings from my heart
    always be happy as ever and shine my dear just Shine
    and make your new home shine with your light

    • yes bhaiya I shall follow your advice and I believe that you are right that I must follow my dharma and am deeply rooted to my religious and spiritual beliefs . I know everything will be fine but it will take some time and till that time I need to be very calm and composed and not let my emotions control me. I will do some creative work moreover you are there and there’s my blog that is helping me to overcome all this time and sadness. thank you bhaiya I really look forward to your comments and love to read them everytime.
      tk cre

    • I will but there are some constraints due to which I cannot frequently go and plus going there is not any solution right now, a visit for some days may not be able to fulfil all the love and care that is required for years and years from them.

  2. Well, this is what we call a helpless situation… your mind and your conscious knew that you will be moving away from home after marriage and you must have accepted that too …as it is very normal …and girls are always prepared for this fact, But your heart , your emotions , your sub-conscious is still attached to your parent’s home. This is again a usual thing…you have spent 26 years of your life with them, faced all ups & downs…and reached where you are today ..all just because of them. But, just ask yourself, in relationships as pure as that of parents & child – Do distances really matter..? Physically, they are away…but mentally & morally they are with you. And in today’s tech. world you can see them, tak wid them, chat wid them day and night…you can still share every little thing with them but yes, in all this don’t forget to give time to your new life. Don’t hold up the past so strongly that it becomes an obstruction in letting you move forward. Life is a journey..we have to keep moving… its good to stay associated with your past & your roots but it is equally important to keep moving forward , to grow, to reach new heights & to explore the new world.
    Also, associating with new world does not mean that you are disassociating with old world..Its just that you are expanding your horizon..
    And , just ask one more question from yourself – You are so attached to your parents that I believe you will be ready to do anything for their happiness… so does your current mental state will make them happy?
    Don’t be impatient…things will become normal with time… just be ready & open to accept the new changes.. Wish you all the best…Hope you Enjoy & find happiness all around you…:)
    Take care..

    • absolutely thought provoking , you shakened and awakened my senses and made me jump into reality , that is my present and how I need to take it as important in order to keep moving ahead in life , there’s really no obstruction out there but only in my mind that is not letting me connect with the new world . you are right my parents wont like my current mental state and maybe this is why I don’t talk to them much over the phone coz I immediately choke and cry whenever I hear her voice and I just disconnect. this behaviour accumulates and comes out in front of everyone where am not able to hide my tears and they actually overflow from morning to evening.
      Its eye opener to read your comment where u said that am not disassociating with my family rather just expanding my horizons and in times today distances really don’t matter much I recently chatted on Skype with my mother over my brothers phone. You really made my thoughts clear am so much delighted to receive all the good advice, guidance , so much to learn from experiences I feel so small and so immature now after reading so many great comments , your being the most well explained and curative . thank you so much Akanksha dear . keep writing in and stay in touch ..
      tk cre & regards

      • It will be my greatest pleasure , if I could help you out in tackling your present situation. I understand its easy said than done and things won’t change in an instant. But, yes, give some time… and you will start accepting the new changes with every passing day.. and let some time pass…and then u vil start missing this new home wen u vil visit ur parent’s place. Just cheer up…be happy and enjoy the new changes and challenges..
        Hv a great time ahead dear…Looking forward for a happy , cheerful post from you soon 🙂

  3. Its perfectly normal Shilpi! Only thing thta can get you away form such state is a thought where you should not consider yourself cut off or away from your own family. Imagine they are there in another city and you have come to another place to live a life of your own which shall be the pathway of life for you and your husband in future. If you think you are no longer a part of you rold family,the sense of insecurity will creep. You have to believe just coz they are away doesnt mean you aren’t their part. As a child needs to be left alone to trod after few steps to make him learn walking,so is your family which needs to be away from a while to make you breathe normally in this new atmosphere. Get involved in everyday activities,take initiiatives,love everyone,communicate,try to bridge the mental gap and you will love your new change!

    • thank you soumya dee, you are so apt and precise , I really got the essence of it in these lines that a child need to be left alone to be able to walk by himself. so I need to explore my ways and need to reconfigure all my thoughts am not detached or more attached rather I should balance both the worlds now and even consider the present home more than the earlier one. I need to move with the flow as staying behind will only ruin my present . thank you so much dee for guiding me please keep writing in and guide me the way you always do from your experience and maturity I shall only learn more about life.
      tk cre and regards

  4. Just let yourself feel what you feel. You are grieving the past, and that takes time. Accept it so it can run its course so you can grow into your newly birthed life with your husband. Your family is still there, just not as close.

      • take your own time dear sister
        whatever you say i love it

        you are so cute like a very young and dear sister

        be happy my dear

  5. Dear I have read all the suggestion and advises given by fellow bloggers. I agree with them and I very well know that being a wise girl you already know everything. Dear what I feel and think its very natural for any girl to feel this way and specially when u had been never away from ur family in past. But dear the thing now to be considered is that in this very realistic situation what can you do to cope up that is affecting your mind so badly. In my opinion the very first thing you need is that do not feel guilt for ur behavior and you do not even need to suppress ur emotions in anyway. With passage of time u will get over this state of mind. Don’t try to control your emotions, if u feel like crying then cry that too even without feeling any guilt. Instead of hiding ur emotions you should rather talk about it without hesitation or restrain. Share ur feelings with hubby. Speak your mind whatever you are feeling just say it. Interact with your new family members. When u talk about it u will feel much better and u will also get emotional support which will help u to get adjusted to this new atmosphere and new family. Go for walk with your hubby or any family member. You know I am always there for you. I know you are a strong girl and you can overcome this phase so soonTake care.
    Lots of luv n hugs
    Your Di

    • Thank you so much dee , I know you are always and always will be there for me. we will be relocating tomorrow and its a beautiful place , I like the view and locality, a little remote though I feel its likeable and liveable but then ill have to manage all day alone and in those moments I will utterly miss my family. And by going all the advices and as you also said to engage myself in some activities will be good for me to keep sadness at bay. and yes you are right I must not feel guilty at all and I would try to be free in expressing my emotions because supressing them would mean suffering all alone without anyone knowing so it may create more bad effect on my mental setup. hence I shall be more proactive and will try to live strong just as you said and you know me well so ill just do as you say.
      hugs and kisses to my sweet angel she ‘s my tiddu
      love and take care

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